2009 in review - Non-baby-related

Lest you think we did nothing but have a baby all year.....here's the "non-baby version":

• In January Josh turned 25. And we celebrated MLK day in style.
• We played games in February. And I realized the true identity of my boss.
• In March I learned a shocking fact about my husband and that my grandpa had an opinion about Mr. Sellers. And we played at the playground.
• April brought Earth Day, taxes, my 24th birthday, and General Conference.
• May is when I started stalking the Falcons. And of course we remembered all the moms. We took our first camping trip of the summer and shopped at Walmart (like we always do) and didn't buy coupons (when I read that back it just sounds smarter and smarter - who BUYS coupons?).
• In June we went to Montana and lived in hotels and tried to decide whether or not to move. Josh had an asthma attack.
• 4th of July we celebrated sans fireworks. The rest of the month we lazed around on Sunday afternoons. Celebrated our 3rd anniversary and "grew" a garden. We went to Bear Lake and Joe's Valley with family. And at the end of the month Josh's father died. 
• In August we officially decided not to go to Montana. We camped at Alexander Lake and had some good days. I even cooked buffalo. 
• September was a big month because we used up a spice, celebrated Yom Kippur, went to the temple, watched the sheepdogs, figured out who that guy was, and enjoyed our own tiny miracles.
• October I got an award, got lost in my own neighborhood, paid for Yom Kippur, made fun of the vacuum salesman ("goosh! goosh!"), walked in the park and I took the lead in the lifelong snowball fight.
• November was all about Arizona, enjoying our ward, & watching movies. We blessed Thomas, expressed our gratitude and took pictures of ourselves.
• Of course December brought Christmas. We fought the weather, went to a concert, watched while Thomas rolled and napped.

A pretty dang good year if you ask me.

2009 in review - Baby Version

Really the biggest thing that happened this year was Thomas. Actually he's the biggest thing that's happened EVER in ANY year. So here's "The Baby Version" of the 2009 year in review.

• In January I got a syndrome.
• In February we found out we were pregnant. And the baby disappeared. And then Baby & I made a deal. And then he stopped being the tin man and finally grew a heart.
• Then in March I was sick.
• In April I didn't show. But I did get a new teammate. And I "forgot" that I "wasn't sick" anymore.
• In May "it" became "him". And he kicked me for the first time. And I stayed sick.
• Then came June when I was forced to "hold it". And we took Thomas on his first road trip.
• July brought the beginning of the baby belly photos because I was finally showing. And pregnancy became much more fun.
• With August came discomfort and exhaustion. Also a belly big enough to merit it's own introduction (and probably time zone if we're being honest). This is also when we started saying stuff on behalf of our kid. Like what he likes and doesn't like.
• In September we realized this kid was going to come out of me. I got cankles. I stopped being self-sufficient. And I started doing embarrassing things (again with the honesty, I've always been doing embarrassing things...but this topped them all!).
• In October I thought I peed my pants and the baby came out.
• In November Thomas turned 1 month old and slept through 1 night for me.
• December is when we learned how giant our child was and he turned 2 months. I'm still amazed that we now have all we ever wanted.

What a great year - you know as far as the baby goes.

Word vomit

Amy's big mouth gets her in trouble: Chapter 94

A girl I barely know (but hope to know better) told me she was pregnant because it came up in conversation while I was at her house helping her with a project. She just mentioned in passing and the entire discussion was about 12 seconds long. Congratulations! How are you feeling?  That kind of thing.

Then her mother in law came over and it came up again, so I mentioned it "so, do you know what you're having yet?"

Her MIL's head tweaked a bit and I immediately felt sick. I resisted the urge to physically cover my mouth with my hands and my eyes got as big as....something big, and she quietly whispered "no, not really. We're only 12 weeks along."

Then her MIL said "Oh my gosh! Am I missing something here?" and then I really did cover my stupid-big-fat mouth with my hands and said "oh my gosh, did I just out you? I'm so sorry!"

It was like 2 days before Christmas, and I'm sure she was planning to tell in some really cute way on Christmas, and why worry about telling me when it's that close to "we're telling people" time anyway? It's not like she's going to see me (or anyone else) in the next 2 days anyway, and who am I gonna tell? (answer: the whole blogging world.)

Can you imagine having to explain to your MIL why some random person who you barely know knew about your new baby before she did? There's no "we weren't telling people yet" excuse because you clearly told someone. So bad. So so so bad!

How do I fix this? "Gee. Sorry I ruined your grandchild announcement! Please invite me over to play sometime, OK?" Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

Rolly-polly Thomas

Last night I went running even thought I didn't want to.

I got out from under the snuggly blanket on the couch and put on my much less snuggly running clothes.

I loaded my iPod with the last of the book I'm listening to (Skybreaker - I highly recommend it, but it's the 2nd in the series so read Airborn first.)

And I braved the frozen tundra that was my neighborhood to head for the gym.

It was a great run, my 5k finished well within 30 minutes. The story's end was just getting better and better. Life was great and I was glad I had gone.

I came home and heard the tv on and the child SCREAMING bloody murder from the bathroom. I ran up the stairs to see if I could help Josh with the "getting out of the bathtub" trauma that Thomas just can't seem to get over and as soon as I set foot in the bathroom doorway the 5 year old version of my husband grabbed my diaper-clad babe turned around with a grin that puts the Cheshire Cat to shame and started jumping up and down and saying "guess what! guess what! guess what!"

Of course I responded "What! what! what!" (is there any other response for that?) and then he put on his Thomas Voice

Thomas Voice: "Guess what I did for daddy mommy?"
Me: "What babe?" I said looking Thomas straight in the eye because it's rude to not make eye contact when you're talking to someone.
TV: "You have to guess."
Me: "You....screamed your head off during your bath."
TV: "Nooooope."
Me: "OK Just tell me then."
TV: "I wolled I wolled I wolled!" Thomas has a hard time saying his "r's".
Me: "What?!?!?! Without me?!?!?!?!"
Josh: "Yep! Just for me" Josh gloats.

That's what I get for running when I really don't want to. I spend at least 23 hours a day with this kid, and he goes around rolling over as soon as I set foot out of the house. Rude.

On the enormously fantastic side: My baby rolled over! All by himself! Weird how proud I am. We hugged and kissed and danced and talked about how smart his is and talked about how much I love him and how happy I am for him because this is a big. deal.

The dancing, celebrating and shouting was a really great "winding down" activity for bedtime. Maybe that's why he thought he'd wake up for the day at 3am....hmmmmm

A good cause

Remember my friend Kristina? The one who has twins and changes sheets while they jump on the bed? She's quite the amazing person.

Earlier this year she was diagnosed with MS and she's participating in Walk MS which is pretty amazing considering that less than 6 months ago (how long has it been Kristina?) she was completely paralyzed and in a wheel chair.

So because I know a million of you are generous caring people who either love Kristina (Hi Kristina's mom!) or have experience with MS (Hi Aundrea and Tambi!) or like to walk (Hi Sue!) or have a spare $25 (Hi!......OK, I don't know anybody like that....) or just like to participate in a good cause, I thought I'd let you know about it.

Here's the info on Kristina's blog, and if you'd like to participate even if you only know her through me, I'm relatively certain she would love to have you on her team.

Not to make you feel bad....

I don't want to hurt your feelings or make you feel bad or anything, but my husband is better than yours.

Even if you were married to Brad Pitt I'd tell you my husband is better looking. (Angelina? Are you out there?)

Even if you were married to Ghandi I'd tell you my husband is kinder. (......uh.....Mother Theresa? are you out there?....eh well. no matter. it was a stretch anyway.)

Even if you were married to my dad, I'd tell you my husband is a better dad (but just barely). (Mom? Hi!)

Because in real life I'm married to the greatest man alive.

This is a man who covers me with a blanket when I fall asleep on the couch. A man who did all of the Sunday dishes (unloaded and reloaded the dishwasher, AND washed, dried and put away the handwash) the same day they were used. A man who set the table during my aforementioned nap (with napkins!) and even woke up early this morning with our very hungry baby so I could sleep in.

It's OK if you're jealous, I understand.

Bread Recipe

Dear Jenni (and anyone else who wants it),


I don't have your e-mail address or any better way to get in touch with you, so, here's the bread recipe. :)


4 Tbsp Sugar
2 tsp Salt
6 Tbsp oil
2 Tbsp Yeast
4 cups warm water
10-11 cups flour

Mix & knead. Let rise 1/2 hour (or until double). Form into loaves. Let rise 1/2 hour (again). Bake at 350 for 1/2 hour.


Enjoy!

Christmas: The nuts & bolts

Wanna know what was so great about Christmas this year?

Here's the short list. (Ha! As if I'm capable of a short list....bwa ha ha ha ha!)

My tree (aka the light holder...)

My mom's table settings. Lovely huh?

The nativity my nieces & nephews always do.

Christmas cards from friends.

Treats from more friends.

Our new Fontanini.

Baby's first Christmas. He's thrilled, can you tell?

Santa always seems to find us and provides our stocking stuffings every year. I heart Santa.

Baby "opened" his Christmas presents.

Part of our stocking stuffers from Santa were the ingredients to build something.

We built a creature.

Currently the name of the creature is up in the air - any suggestions? Here's a closer look.

Grandma loved the calendar Misty built for her.

Dorky Christmas outfit #2 lasted longer than the first one.

Josh was totally surprised by his new mountain bike. And he was excited enough that he rode it around the block. He really likes it and that makes me happy.

We got to talk to Caleb (Josh's younger brother who is serving a mission in Oklahoma).

My baby showed off his toe-spreading abilities. He gets it from me.

Cousins-Matching-Dorky-Christmas-Outfit photo shoot went well.

In all it was a very Merry Christmas.

All I ever wanted

This year I had everything I ever wanted for Christmas.

And I couldn't help but cry remembering last year when he was all ever wanted, and I had no idea how great he'd be.

And this year - even though he's dressed like a dork - I'm overwhelmed with gratitude and amazement that I get to be his mom.

And I'm even more thankful that I don't have to do it alone because what better team is there than this?

Having my own family to celebrate with is every bit as great as I imagined.

Running & Christmas Surprises

This morning I went running again and in my 35 minutes (plus 45 seconds because I was technically "cooling down" the last 5 minutes) I ran 3.5 miles.

It was good and I'm proud of me.

Plus I have a totally SWEET Christmas/Birthday present for Josh. And he has no idea that he's getting anything he doesn't know about. Surprises really are better than "ooh look! It's the sweater you made me try on before buying! And the game I picked out for myself! Thank you santa!!!"

I can't wait to see his face Christmas morning.

Avoiding complacency: or why my baby will never sleep through the night twice in a row.

We're "bring it on" kind of people. We don't like to get comfy and cozy and ride through life with everything going easy. So, as soon as we've mastered one thing we'll completely abandon it and move on to the next. This is why the Wii fit is covered in 6 months of dust, the "menu plan" has more scribbling-outs than check marks on it, and the Christmas shopping is officially declared "over" once I find one perfect present.

So since Thomas slept CLEAR through the night, we thought we'd better mix it up a bit.

And we took the plunge, moving him from his oh-so-cozy car seat to the big-bad-crib-of-death-and-destruction. Or at least that's how he saw it.

It started with naps - which did not go well. We tried to "cry it out" which sucks and is not successful for us. EVER. Please don't recommend Babywise. So we rocked him and soothed him and assured him that the crib isn't such a bad place. He seemed to prefer the "crying it out" since that's what he did anyway. Then we I name-called and told him not to be such a cry-baby and reminded him we I could sell him to the gypsies any time we I wanted. Then we I felt guilty for picking on my baby. Plus he was doing the adorable pouty face that you can't help but love.

Nap time was over by then. So we opted to eat instead of sleep. If I had a nickel for every time I opted to eat instead of sleep....


At bed time I was just thankful I wasn't alone anymore and Josh was there to help. 2 on 1 seems like better odds in any situation. And I showed him my appreciation.....by abandoning him for the gym.

That night Thomas slept until about 2:30 in the morning - when I again showed Josh my appreciation by making him get up with the babe. After one night I was already adjusted to sleeping through the night and couldn't function without a full night's sleep. Josh tells me he ate and went right back down, but Josh is much less whiney than me (I've pretty much covered the "I'm a whiney brat" territory right?) so I'm not sure what "right back down" really means.

Yesterday he managed 1.5 naps in his crib with relatively little sobbing.

Today it's only 1:30 and he's done 2 full naps in his crib after sleeping until 4:30 this morning.

If he keeps this up we may have to move his bed out on the balcony just for the challenge.

Christmas

Christmas at our house has generally been...less than Merry and relatively full of anxiety, stress, and whining from me. (Hard to imagine since I always have such a good attitude about things huh?)

Then a couple of nights ago in the middle of a particularly whiny and stressed out tirade from me, Josh told me that this wasn't fun anymore.

I (quite sarcastically and in the "I'm laying a trap for you and no matter what you say I'll be more mad than I already am" voice) asked Josh if he wanted his money back and trade me for a "fun" wife.

Without missing a beat he told me he didn't want his money back, he just wanted his wife back.

Normally I would've been hurt, offended, grouchy, and reminded him that it's all his fault anyway - but somehow a miracle happened (must be due to Christmas) and I realized that I wanted his wife back too.

So, I took a gigantic deep breath, boosted my oversized butt onto the counter and cut into a warm fresh loaf of bread. I did it without even counting to see if we had enough loaves or examining to make sure we were eating the "ugliest" one. (Sorry if you are the poor person who wound up with the ugliest one....that wasn't very considerate of me.)

And just like that, over a warm loaf of bread (yes the whole dang thing) and a much needed attitude change, Josh and I enjoyed Christmas for the first time this year while sitting on the counter, laughing and fighting over the last piece of bread (which we split).

And when I woke up with Thomas the next morning I fed him on the love sac in front of the tree, and we snuggled and ate and basked in the beauty of the lights and enjoyed each other's company. Turns out I was right, my tree is 10 times prettier when I see it as a reflection in my baby's eyes.

I love these parts of Christmas.

Sleep, GLORIOUS sleep

Last night my baby slept.

ALL.

NIGHT.

LONG.

I can pretty much count on 6 hours of sleep from him on a regular basis, but when I still get up at 3 or 4 am I don't really think it counts as a "sleeping through the night". Probably because I'm a big sissy.

I put him down at about 9:30 and when Josh and I woke up to get ready for the day at 6:30 he was still out cold. STILL. As in, he didn't wake up even once that whole time! I stayed up about an hour and a half after him and got up and hour before him. And that, my friends, is a beautiful thing.

Best Christmas present EVER.

Bread

I made bread today.

And I liked it.

And if I like you, you'll probably get a loaf.

But if you don't get a loaf, I probably like you anyway.
It's just that you live too far away, and I don't know your address, or have enough gas to drive that far.
And I already had to make like 50 loaves, and I'm too lazy to make 10 more.
And I think you're very nice, and pretty. In fact you should move in next door. Then you'd definitely get a loaf. Plus you could come to playgroup with me tomorrow.

Come on, do it........ You know you want to.

TWO babies?

Meet Stella. (is it OK that posted a picture of your baby Ashley? I hope that's not creepy...I just couldn't help it, have seen this girls cheeks?)

She's beautiful huh? And the picture doesn't do justice to the hair. I LOVE it. And oh those legs! And her skin! And she's sweet and kind and reverent. I might still be baby hungry......

We got to hang out with her for just a few hours, and wow. Hats off to Kristina who had twins. And Sister Platt who had triplets, then twins. And any other mother who successfully raised (and by "successfully" I mean "you all survived") more than 1 baby at a time.

The truth is Stella is a complete angel, but when my sweet baby Thomas cried, Stella followed suit (it took a while for us to decide that she was actually crying and not just "talking" because she doesn't screech and squeal like Thomas does, she makes nice angel sounds and a bit of a sad face....). And Josh sat on the love sac "leading the choir". And there I sat, with only two hands, wondering how to sooth 2 babies at one time.

He's so helpful.

And then it had been like 3 whole minutes and they both fell asleep.

And stayed that way forever.

On second thought, two babies is EASY! :) (just kidding Kristina and Sister Platt....just kidding.)

Peace

On nights like tonight, when all I really want to do is crawl in bed and cry and never leave my house again - because I still don't know how to handle it when someone I love (and who usually loves me) hurts my feelings and makes me feel stupid and unimportant and incapable - I'm thankful to walk in on images like this to ease my mind and give me peace.

Because the truth is it's all OK - because I love my boys, and they love me and they are the most important ones.

Where did he come from?

Sometimes I look at this boy and wonder where he came from.

These baby blues are something neither Josh or I can claim.  Josh is suspicious of the mailman....someday I'll learn how to take a picture that really shows how blue they are.

His inherent desire to wake up after just 4 hours of sleep certainly didn't come from either of us. But his need to be held certainly did.

And this pouty face is a gift from the Fugal family. During cryfest 2009 I finally didn't feel guilty taking pictures of the pout instead of trying to comfort it. You. are. welcome.

Some stuff Thomas does

He loves to sit up. He holds my finger while I hold his forearms and he smiles and pants (I'm afraid this might be his permanent substitute for giggling) and oohs and ahhhs until he has no more strength and then he throws his head back and lays flat on his back to rest.

He also loves to stand. The same way. And he loves to stand up from a sitting position. I'll hold his hands and help him stand from sitting and he smiles all big, then sits down and starts to stand again. Who would've thought the process of standing could be so entertaining?

He bathes. Oh how he bathes. He can be screaming and crying and fighting mad, but put that kid in the tub and he suddenly remembers just how great life is. Although I think baths are disgusting (You just sit there? Stewing in your own filth? watch the first 30 seconds of this and you'll laugh. Probably.) there are certainly days that I think a long hot bath would remind me just how great life is. He used to scream from the second you pulled him out of the water until he was fully clothed, wrapped in a blanket, rocking and eating. He's much better at getting out now and only slightly whimpers if you take too long and he gets cold. He even lets you do the lotion without losing it.

He holds his bottle. You have to balance it just right if you want him to hold it by himself, but when I feed him his almost always grabs the bottle and jams it into his face. And he holds it TIGHT the entire time he's eating. Sometimes this is a problem since you can't get a bottle into a mouth that is blocked by 10 tiny fingers and 2 not-so-tiny fists. Fortunately I'm still stronger than him (barely) and can force his hands out of the way long enough to get the bottle in (usually).

He reaches. If you put the kid in the bouncy with toys (thanks for letting us borrow your bouncy Eva!) he will reach up for them. He particularly likes the monkey....or maybe I particularly like the monkey.... He grabs the tail of the lion (which makes it sing and growl and meow) and I think his hand gets stuck in the loop because he never does it just once. It's always singgrowlmeowsinggrowlmeo then nothing for a long time.

He likes people. Clearly he gets this from his father and not his anti-social mother. But if he's crying, and I walk into the room and start to talk to him, he starts to laugh/pant. Then I leave and he cries again.

He sleeps. I think in the past week I've had more really great nights than not. Which is encouraging. He'll sleep for 5-6 hours in the first stretch of the night and then he's up at least every 3 hours after that. He's started going back to sleep much faster, which makes my nights much sleepier. No more 3 hour feeding sessions. No more pacing the hallway and dancing around the living room at 2am. No more rocking until I'm seasick and half asleep myself. It's a beautiful thing.

He cuddles. He still likes to be held. A lot. Which works out pretty well most of the time because I truly like holding him. And so does Josh. But sometimes I just need 2 seconds to myself!!! OK?!?!?!?! Fortunately Josh comes home every. single. night. so that's usually possible.

Also he's working really hard on growing hair on top. We're past the peach fuzz stage, and now we're on to real hair, although it's thin and short....we're working on it. The mullet still reigns supreme. I just don't have the guts to cut it off - I don't want to chop off his head and he's not entirely still when he's awake yet. Tips?

You know it's bad when....

It's 5:30, your husband calls to say he's coming home (finally) and you have to tell him that you're still wandering around the house in a bathrobe because you haven't had 2 free hands to pull on a pair of pants yet.

Your lunch was a pop tart that caught on fire.

Your baby stopped "spitting up" and started puking - heaving and trying to catch his breath in between each ounce of milk that comes up.

Your baby has been wearing the same (adorable) footie pajamas for more than 36 hours.

You are currently counting down the number of Everybody Loves Raymond reruns on TBS you have to watch before dad comes home and takes over.

You have no idea what happened in any of those episodes because you couldn't hear over the screams of your very upset pajama-clad baby.

Babysitting

Meleta (Josh's step-mom) was kind enough to watch our sweet sweet child while we went to the concert last night. I did much better than the last time we left him.* I even survived the 45 minute drive from the conference center to the freeway yes. conference center to FREEWAY, which is a freaking miracle because stopping at the same red light 10+ times before going through is positively infuriating.

Whoever scheduled the concert, the Jazz game, and Kurt Bestor on the same night should be hung in the street. Isn't that why we have a mayor? To make sure people don't get trapped downtown?

I think Josh's favorite part of having a babysitter is blasting the music in the car. Because I can't tell him to "turn it down, that's bad for the baby's ears." You may or may not have heard us belting out Hakuna Matata and Follow Me by Uncle Kracker.

I think the worst part of having a babysitter is coming back and him being completely fine. And them saying he was completely fine the whole time. I like to think that he needs me and misses me when I'm gone, but the truth is he's happy as long as they feed him and let him sleep whenever he wants. Which they did. and I'm glad.

Forunately Aunt Nancy had pity on me and told me he was screaming for a while just after we left. I feel bad for her because he was really really screaming. Red-faced, not-breathing, chin-quivering, vain-popping screaming. I hate that scream, it's the worst. But fortunately (for her) he stopped mid-scream to fall asleep. I've never ever heard him stop himself when he gets that mad, but apparently it's possible.

I know people who don't leave their child for the first year or two of their lives, and I take my hat off to them. It was surprisingly refreshing to get out by ourselves and feel like real people. 2 people who fit in 2 seats and just need 1 purse to keep them happy for 5 hours. A far cry from the 3 of us who take up 4 seats, need 3 bags, and can't sit in one place for more than 1 hour.

I'm really glad to have willing grandmas close by to babysit for us when we get opportunities we just can't pass up.

*We left him with Josh's mom, who lives approximately 6 minutes away from Jordan River Temple, while we did a session. On the way there we were stopped at a red light and I was "freaking out" because the light was red too long and I needed to hurry back to my baby. Josh pointed out that if I couldn't survive the 5 minute drive there, the session was gonna be rough. Which it was.

I sang with Natalie Cole

This year I entered the mormon lottery so my mom could use the tickets if I won. I have a babe you know, and going out, even for the likes of Natalie Cole, is pretty much forbidden.

Then mom called and told me she got her tickets! (yay!)

Then I found out I got her tickets too! (yay!)

And what choice did we have but to use them? I mean it's NATALIE COLE!

I heart Natalie Cole. I grew up listening to Unforgettable and thinking she was the coolest singer in the world. "Flash! Bam! Alakazam! Wonderful you came by...."

So we went to the concert last night and wow. The children's choir was amazing, the soloist incredible, Natalie was delightful (we're on a first name basis now), and the organ solo was flat out entertaining. How many times in your life have you been entertained by an organ solo? Once for me now.

But here's the clincher. she started to sing The Christmas Song because in her house it isn't Christmas until her dad (Nat King Cole) sings that song, and now he sings it through her. And she said we could join in if we'd like. A few brave souls joined at first. Then a few more.

It's not like the whole conference center sang together, and nobody sang the whole song with her, but there I was. Sitting in the same room as Natalie Cole. And she said I could sing with her. And really I can't carry a tune in a bucket, and nobody around me wanted to listen to me sing, especially not when the alternative was listening to Natalie Cole sing. But I don't care, because how many times in my life am I gonna get to sing Christmas carols with Natalie Cole? Just one. So I held Josh's hand, leaned on his shoulder, closed my eyes, and very quietly sang with Natalie Cole. "although it's been said, many times, many ways, Merry Christmas to you."

And 20,000 people were there to witness it.

That was a beautiful moment.

A new leaf

We've turned a new leaf. And I'm hoping it's permanently turned. Like the kind of leaf you find in the middle of a fall day, and you pick it up because it's so beautiful and perfect and you know it would crunch perfectly if you stepped on it, but it's too pretty, so instead of stepping on it, you pick it up to look at it, but underneath it's all wet and moldy and nasty and not beautiful at all, so you put it back down turned with it's beautiful side up so nobody knows how ugly it is, and you leave it there never to be turned with the ugly side up again. (I think Ann Cannon has a run-on-sentance/worst metaphor of all time contest annually....do you think I could win?) That kind of permanently turned.

My babe slept last night. From 10 - 4. Did you know that's also when normal people sleep? He and I slept at the same time. Beautiful.

There are no words for how thankful I am.

Also there are no words to express the panic I felt every time I woke up in between. Yes, he was still in his car seat (where he sleeps because he hates that stupid crib which I think is beautiful). No, nobody came and kidnapped him while I wasn't looking. Yes, he was breathing. No, he wasn't mad at me for abandoning him for so long.

Today he's been really nice to me and followed the 3 hour babywise schedule, which was awfully nice of him. That means he's on nap #3 for the day with is exactly 2 more than he's had in any other day of his life.

My goal is to keep the wet, moldy, ugly side of the sleep-leaf down for the rest of his life. Wish me luck.

Good news and bad news

The good news is the people over at Cadbury have finally realized that it's unreasonable to expect thousands of mormon women to get their entire year's supply of mini eggs during only the Easter season.

Let's all give a warm welcome to the Christmas Mini Egg.

[applause]

The bad news is that in an attempt to ditch the built in boppy I've been sporting for longer than I care to admit, sweets are out this Christmas Season (again).

Whose issue is it anyway?

We talk to (and for) Baby Thomas all the time, and lately I catch both of us pegging our issues on him.

• I'm constantly asking him "Are you really hungry, or just bored?" As if my 2 month old baby has already inherited my  bad eating habits already.
• Josh had to have tubes in his ears when he was young and they strapped him to the Dr.'s table so he wouldn't move. He does't like Dr.'s tables. So, he avoids putting Thomas on one. Every time we go to the Dr. and we have to undress Thomas he tries to undress him while holding him in the air. And then I remind him that we have a whole table to use for just such an occasion. He also avoids putting him on anything hard and table-like when he changes his clothes at home. He only uses the changing table because it's where the diapers are. Probably the changing table is just as traumatizing for Thomas as the Dr.'s table...but not for Josh.
• Every time I break down and cry with Thomas in my arms Josh feels the need to remind Thomas that "just because Momma's crying doesn't mean you did something wrong. We love you buddy."
• And every time Josh leaves I remind Thomas that he's not abandoning us, he'll be back and just because he doesn't spend all day every day with us doesn't mean he doesn't love us. Quality Time is my love language and Josh leaving for most of every day is slightly traumatic for me. :)

With all these issues to choose from (and many many more we don't even have) I can't wait to see what kind of junk he has. Is that bad? 

2 months

Today we celebrate the 2 greatest months of our lives.

Because look how cute?

He loves to smile. Even though it looks like he's laughing here, I wouldn't say he laughs just yet. Mostly just inhales sharply while smiling.

*

But he's very thoughtful, and will just stare at me longer than he'll do anything else (except eating of course). My mom swears he knows who I am and he cares.

He's starting to grow hair on top (yay for ditching the bishopric look!) and he knows lots of new tricks. Most of which he proudly displayed at the Dr. today.

"Can he lift his head up when he's on his tummy?" Dr. asked.

"Yep."

Then she wanted to see.

When he propped himself up on his arms she got all startled and asked if he rolls yet. I said no, but asked if he should, she said not for a couple more months but that he looks like he'll tip himself over any day now. He's got the strength, he just doesn't know he can do it yet.

"Can he support weight on his legs?" Dr. asked.

"Yep. He's standing right now." I had him facing out against me with his feet in my hands so he could "stand" because it made him stop crying.

"Wow. He's got some strength in those legs!" Again with the surprise.

"Can he grab things and hold onto them for a couple seconds at a time?" She asked, then looked up at me for my response and said "nevermind, he's gripping that blanket I can see he's fine there."

I know every mom thinks their baby is smart, but mine is psychic AND smart (and a bit of a showoff...), beat that!

The kid weighed in at 10 lbs 12 ounces. That means he gained 4 POUNDS in the past 6 weeks. Is it just me or is that a lot? He is in the 50th percentile for height and weight and 45th for size of the noggin.

I congratulated him on being completely average. I love average.

She reminded me to talk and and sing and interact with him as much as possible because it will help him learn and develop. I laughed because I clearly don't have a problem with talking too little. I asked if it was possible to talk to much. She said no. You've been warned.

When the nurse came in to give him shots (why do the make the nurses do all the dirty work? The Dr. gets paid more, and gets to just hang out and look at the baby and tell the mom how cute he is, the nurse has to stab him and poke him and prod him and force him to lay on the cold hard scale. Sucks to be a nurse as far as I can tell.) he did surprisingly well. He screamed the red-faced, no-breathe, scream-of-death but once I picked him up he started to calm down (he knows just how to make me feel loved) and by the time we left the office he was half asleep.

My baby is a sweetheart.

*In case you're wondering if he wears these pants every day, the answer is yes. Pretty much. (Excluding the days we don't get dressed of course...) Because right now they're the only pants that fit him. Plus they're SO FREAKIN' CUTE.

Static

Static has taken over my home.

My love sac, my couch, my blankets, my chairs, my hair, my shoes, my husband, my pajama pants (maybe I'll be getting dressed today after all).

I hate that.

I've given up on doing my hair because within an hour it's standing straight up anyway...and what's the point in that?

Dryer sheets can fix the things that fit in the dryer....but what about the furniture? How am I supposed to deal with staticy furniture?

Nephi thought he had it hard....

Greed

At 2:30 in the morning I really only want 1 thing. And it isn't a hot chocolate float.....mmmm.....hot chocolate float. Nevermind, at 2:30 in the morning I really only want 2 things. And only 1 of them is a hot chocolate float.

 All I really want is for this sweet thing

To look a little more like this sweet thing.

And after 2 hours of rocking, feeding, changing, wrapping, warming, soothing, and burping. I had him there. He was asleep on my shoulder and I was relatively comfortable on the love sac.

I had everything I ever wanted.

Then I got greedy and decided I also wanted to be in my own bed with him in his own bed.

And I made the worst mistake any mother can ever make. I moved my sleeping child....and he was no longer a sleeping child. Never again. 

And THAT my friends, is why I intend to spend as much of the day in my pajamas as is humanly possible.

Huge

Remember when my baby was born?

My sister came to the hospital to visit me (because she loves me so much) and she brought her baby with her. Lucy is about 2.5 months older than Thomas.

When Thomas was born Lucy was probably 25 times the size of Thomas. And I remember thinking it was ridiculous that she was so big already! I couldn't imagine hauling around a kid that size. I just kept saying how huge she was. Because she was.

Today Thomas and I went to visit Misty and Cayson.

Thomas is about 1.5 months older than Cayson.

You can see where this is going - right?

Have you ever seen a baby as big as mine? Ever? In your whole life? I didn't think so. He's huge. And old. Showing off his muscles, kicking his toes, responding when I say his name. He looks like he could pound on that kid (not that he would - he's much too nice for that. But he totally could.)

Meanwhile Cayson is laying there curled up in a blanket like a tiny little baby.

The weird thing is that I never really noticed when I started picking up my babe under his arms instead of by his butt and head. I didn't notice when he started to move his arms instead of them flopping around when I moved him. I have no idea when his feet started to stick out from the bottom of his nightgown.

Do you think this is what my mom feels like when she looks around her empty house and realizes all her babies have babies of their own?

A REAL boy!

Yesterday my son became a real boy.

He stopped being a ball of mush who just stared off into space, cried, ate and pooped and started to be a real live little tiny person.

For the first time ever he responded to me. Just me. Not the bottle, not the binkie, not the diaper change, just me.

He was crying and when I came and talked to him he smiled instead.

He didn't scream while I dressed him because I was talking to him and making him hyperventilate. (Hyperventilating is just 1 step away from laughing, right?)

Maybe it's just the fact that he only woke up once the night before, but yesterday seemed like an extraordinarily fantastic day.

Confession

I'm not sure why I feel compelled to tell you all of the horrible things I do as a mother and as a human being....but for some reason confessing makes me feel better. And this has been eating at my conscience for almost a month now.

The worst thing I've done as a mother (according to Josh) is this:

While we were in Arizona we figured out that wearing the babe in the wrap was easier than pushing a stroller around the crowded room. So around the hotel I did.

One day at the free hotel breakfast some lady came up to me and asked "how old she was". I said "a month" instead of correcting her and went back to stalking the waffle machine. Josh was just close enough to overhear and when I sat down at the table he asked me if I really just told that lady that our baby was a girl. Obviously I didn't tell the lady that Thomas was a girl, I just didn't tell her he was a boy either. Obviously.

It's just that it was a common misconception what with the pink wrap and all....and I was sick of correcting people and then trying to explain why on earth I'd put a boy in a pink wrap. Here's why: I'm a girl. I don't dress him in pink, or dresses, or frills. And I don't even wrap him in pink blankets - but Josh's grandma gave me a pink wrap, and it happens to be the only way I can get the child to sleep and I'm sure that Grandma figured that since I'm the one wearing it, it should match my gender - like a purse. And I talked myself into agreeing with her because I wanted to use it. Plus Grandma is trendier than I'll ever be. She drives a Mazda 6, has fake nails, and bought things at Swiss Days.

Unfortunately almost everybody we come across while wearing the wrap thinks he's a girl.

And Josh thinks I insulted Thomas' manhood by not standing up for him. I didn't! Thomas is the manliest baby I know - he grunts and poops and kicks things. What more could I want?

I corrected the next 3 people who called him a boy, and everybody who asked a gender neutral question got a very clear "HE" answer. So I made it up to him, right?

And more importantly, can I keep wearing the wrap? Was Grandma totally wrong? Was I stupid for not immediately taking it back and insisting on a blue one? Do they even make blue ones? Is the baby wearing it, or am I?

That's much better

Don't it always seem to go, that you don't know what you got 'till it's gone? 

Nothing like a crazy Thanksgiving weekend to remind you that you really do have a schedule (sort of) and that you really do know what "normal" is (kind of) and that you usually do at least 3 things every day (if "get out of bed, get a drink, get back in bed" counts as 3 different things).

I didn't think I had any of it together. I didn't think I ever knew what a "normal" day would bring. I didn't think I could count on anything.

And then I experienced Thanksgiving Weekend when all of those things really were true and now I know that they normally are not.

It's nearly a week later, and I think I've recovered.

I have my weekly meal plan, I've done the grocery shopping, I was up and ready to go at 9am, my tree is up, my living room furniture is rearranged. I put a picture of my family on the wall instead of just me and Josh, I have presents to wrap and it looks like I might wrap them today (unless Thomas boycotts a nap....) and the Christmas season will have officially begun.

Last night Josh and I stayed up later than Thomas. And I suddenly realized that we'd been staying up later than him every night for like a week. THIS IS A BIG DEAL. Something about going to bed at 7:30 every night just makes you feel like you're not quite a real person.

At 6am when the Thomas grunted (We had a long talk and now he grunts before he cries...isn't that nice of him? I hate waking up to crying.) Instead of pulling him into bed with me to "sleep" (really it's just cuddling with my eyes closed) for another 3 hours I just got up. Because I wasn't too tired to move. THIS IS ALSO A BIG DEAL.

So, I sit here enjoying the beauty of Christmas in my living room (don't judge me for turning on my tree lights at 2 in the afternoon just because it's a giant waste of power and money and probably is bad for the environment, OK?) with a babe who is currently napping (because that's what he does this time of day) and my belly full of breakfast AND lunch I just couldn't be happier. I really love my "normal" life.

A new level of motherhood

Last night after feeding Thomas I started to burp him and he promptly puked down my shirt. Miraculously I cleaned him up before I cleaned me up. I think that means I know what "a mother's love" means.

I also fell asleep while feeding him and an hour later realized that the bottle was still in his mouth - given that he spent the next 2 hours spitting up and burping and farting (which is the favorite Sunday School activity by the way....he has a lotta nerve NOT using my quiet book, don't you think?) it would seem that he was sucking air that entire time. Go me.

Traditions

Growing up I always knew what to expect on Thanksgiving weekend.

Wednesday night we'd leave "when dad gets home from work" and drive to Logan. We'd pull in the driveway at Grandpa's house and he'd be watching Lawrence Welk, or the news, and we'd all come in a drop our stuff. The old ones would sit and talk and we'd go look for the fun games (I think booby trap and checkers were the only games he owned). Dad would make us a bed out of blankets on the floor downstairs and we'd all sleep in the same room.  I think this changed the older we got. The "little kids" slept in the blanket bed on the floor and the "big kids" slept on the couch and the floor upstairs.

Thanksgiving morning we headed to the church where dad set up tables and chairs and mom went straight to work in the kitchen (after hauling in the pies). The rest of us did typical "kids in a church" stuff. Basketball, tag, hide & seek.

Friday on our way home we'd pick out a Christmas Tree from the tree store in American Fork and head home to put it up. We'd listen to Manheim and decorate like nobody's business. Dad did the lights, and we all put our homemade ornaments on the tree and watched the bubble lights boil.

I like these memories. I like that on the way home from Logan if mom & dad were thinking of not getting a tree right that second we could all whine "but we always get the tree now!" and they'd have to give in. Because....you know...tradition!

Josh's family's Thanksgiving weekend is not the same but is every single bit as predictable. While in turkey-coma with muddy buddies still ready for snacking, mom brings out the ads. Misty and Mom are die hard Black Friday shoppers. I mean it. Die. Hard. Not just the "camp out in the freezing cold all night for that 1 really great deal" die hard either. We're talking about the marathon kind of die hard. The "pack your bags cuz we aren't coming home until everybody we know has a $100 gift that we found for $2." kind of die hard. The "4am - 9pm no break for lunch" die hard. The "route the map the night before" kind of die hard.

Josh & I are not big on shopping, but somehow after paroozing the ads with Mom & Misty we had to go out the first year we were married. When you get married they should warn you that all the things you do during the first year are considered "traditions" and become mandatory for the rest of eternity. We were not die hard. Not in any sense of the term. We went out together, got some great deals on stuff and went home because we were bored of shopping. We did not wake up any earlier than we wanted to, we did not wait in line outside of any store. We did not get all of our shopping in one day.

The next year we actually stood in a line outside Circuit City because they had cheap movies. We wasted all kinds of time and I swore I'd never shop Black Friday again.

Last year I "casually glanced through the ads" and found some boots I just had to have. And I got them. And I love them. And I've never been so proud of a shoe purchase in my life. And Black Friday was wildly successful.

We've sortof combined our Thanksgiving Weekends and created a very casual, mellow, enjoyable holiday weekend. We shop and get great deals reassuring each other the whole way ("totally worth it", "I'm so glad we got that", "we just saved a ton of money!") because we both think it's a sin to spend that much money in 1 day. I can't do Black Friday shopping without him for this reason. Nobody else has the authority to tell me it was OK to spend that money, and those are word I need to hear. We wind up doing a little Redboxing, but it's not so bad because we're together and the "working breaks" are relatively short in comparison with the time we spend chillin in the car and shopping. Then we come home, put up the tree, watch a Christmas movie, listen to Christmas tunes and enjoy a cup of something warm and bask in the glow (and warmth) of the tree lights.

This year I think we have to start all new traditions because life isn't the same with a little one.

We shopped - a little. No great finds. Just some mediocre stuff. Partly because we're trying hard not to spend money....partly because the deals just didn't seem that fantastic this year.

We Redboxed - a little. It was nice to get out of the inversion and breathe real air.

I had every intention of getting Christmas put up, but somehow it didn't happen. Something about not being able to stay up until midnight if my life depended on it.....

I swore I'd do it today. Josh even brought the Christmas tree up from the garage. It's still sitting in the box in the middle of my living room floor - along with the 2 other boxes of Christmas decorations that have been out since Monday.

It seems that due to the adorable child in our midst who takes up 100% of our attention 95% of the time, we're gonna have to let parts of our "relaxed mellow enjoyable holiday weekend" go.

Unfortunately it can't be Redbox.

So beginning next year, we EITHER shop or decorate. Our carefree years of 19 hour days and doing everything we feel like are over.

It's time to start some very specific (and limited) traditions.

In the meantime, who the heck is gonna put up my tree?

Projectile binkie

You know when you pinch a watermelon seed between your fingers and the pressure combined with the slipperiness makes the seed shoot across the room?

Same concept applies to binkies.

One thing I love about Heber

Camping gear is ALWAYS in the "seasonal" aisle at the grocery store.

Right across from the Christmas trees and the thermometers currently reading 21 degrees we have fishing poles, water filters, and tents.

Things I've never been grateful for

This year I'm thankful for a whole bunch of things I'd never really been thankful for before.

So this year's gratitude list is not the things I'm most thankful for, or the profound stuff, it's the new stuff.

Bathrobes to keep me warm in the middle of the night.
That the alarm clock has an "off" switch. I've never used it until now.
Thomas. Tommy. Tom. Little One. Babe. Sweetheart. Handsome. My little man. Sweets.
My body. I've never been a big fan until now.
Living in baby central.
Hand sanitizer.
Formula. Even though it stinks and is sticky.
Josh's natural fathering abilities. This might be cheating because I've always loved that about Josh, but I never really knew just how good a dad he was until now. So it's expanded....that counts as "new" right?
3 sets of grandparents for my little one.
Visiting teachers. (Hi Nikki! Invite me to your blog, OK?)
HGTV.
Dr. Man, Hospitals, modern medicine.
Nutrimirror.
The ability to broadcast my baby's screams through the whole house. (aka baby monitors)
That little button that releases the straps in the carseat.
Tennis shoes.

I worry

Wanna know what kinds of things this crazy mom worries about?

An upcoming trip to the dentist. Josh will be working so I'll take Thomas with me. What if he doesn't sleep through it? What if he wakes up and starts to be fussy? What if he cries while my mouth is full of fingers? What if I bite the fingers off and jump up from the chair and dash to my child's carrier to rescue him? Will they charge me for their hospital bills? What if he cries and I don't have the guts to bite the fingers and instead I try to talk and it comes out like everything I say with a mouthful of fingers "ah ay ae ih cah eeh" (my baby is crying)? And what if because I'm such a gutless pansy I don't get to rescue him? What if either of those embarrassing things happens and Lisa (the lady who works on my teeth, and also my Aunt) tells the whole family and we are the joke at every household dinner for eternity?

Talking about the upcoming blessing with Josh (back when it was "upcoming" instead of "recent") I asked him all the details of how the circle works. How do you hold the baby? Do you just have to hold him straight out with both hands - you'll use both hands right? I mean you're not just gonna try to palm him and count on the other guys to support the rest of him, right? They don't make you put your hand on someone else's shoulder do they? Promise me you'll use both hands! (He didn't promise. Rude.) Well when you hold something straight out like that your arms are going to get tired - what if you JUST started, but your arms are too tired to hold him, do you just quit? "The name you'll be known by....will be Thomas -" ugh. You're heavy, I'm putting you down. What if my baby never got the rest of his name because he's so heavy and too hard to hold straight out like that? Josh wasn't worried at all about either of those things. Weird huh?

I'd like to think the baby brings out the psycho-worrier in me, but probably I've always been this crazy and now I just have something small that brings new topics to worry about.