Friday, February 6, 2009

Social dilemma

Blogging has been one of my favorite hobbies. But it has also presented me with a whole bunch of new social dilemmas.
At what point do you stop “lurking” and make a comment on somebody’s blog? If you do it right away, you can do the “hey, I just found your blog!” thing, but the longer you’ve been lurking the harder it becomes to “come out”.
It’s just not as easy to say “hey! I know every detail of your life for the past year because I knew you had a blog, but you didn’t know that. So, I thought that I’d just pop up now and say ‘hey’ after 12 months full blown stalking. Don’t worry, we’ll catch up sometime.”
It’s just a sensitive subject, and one that gets quite a bit of thought from me.  I know that when somebody comments on my blog and says “hey I’ve been reading!” I think “yay! A new friend!” or “awww…..somebody cares enough about me to read my ridiculous ramblings” and I have never ever thought “dang. They found me!” or “what a creep, I can’t believe they’re reading all of the intimate details of my life that I only want to share with…..the entire internet.” So I decided to assume that other people would probably feel flattered or loved instead of creeped out and bugged.
But that’s not the only problem.
Just how intimate should this blog be? Well, I decided that honest and open blogs are usually more fun to read (and write). So, mostly I don’t keep secrets from The Blog (yes, it’s a proper noun…it’s pretty much a member of our family). But do I really dare tell the entire internet that we’re having a baby? When we just found out today?
My sisters don’t even tell us until they’re 3 months along (because that’s when it’s safe…right?) and when we first started trying, I told Josh I didn’t even want to tell our moms until we were 3 months along because it’s scary. And once you tell people, they know. And if something goes wrong, you have to un-tell people and that’s a horrible thing and would break your heart over and over again. Then Josh reminded me that if we don’t say anything, and then something goes wrong, you’ll probably tell them at the point anyway – right? Because it’s your mom! I tell my mom when I have a cold, there’s no way I wouldn’t mention something THAT huge right?
But that’s your mom. So even if you tell your mom, or your sisters, then you’ve just told your closest friends and family right?
But what about all of these people – most of whom I haven’t seen in at least 5 years. Most of whom I never even talk to. A few of whom I’ve never even MET. But I still feel like they are my closest friends? What’s the appropriate length of time to announce something like pregnancy? Do I still have to wait 3 months? What about how I’m whining about every second that I’m childless? Am I supposed to lie and keep up the fa├žade? What if I “come out” and someone tells the RS president. And then the Bishop. And then I’m on that list that goes around in RS of “upcoming events” for people to know about? At that point can I really say that anybody doesn’t know? If the entire ward knows, the family knows, the extended family knows, who’s left to tell, really?
Well, there’s my boss. And that’s about it. But fortunately (or unfortunately in this situation) I love my boss dearly, and I’d consider her a friend. We’re friends on Facebook….which brings up an entirely different problem.
I’m not ready for Facebook to know – because there are entirely too many people there who I don’t know enough….but a blog is somehow more intimate. And I’m OK with The Blog knowing.
But the underlying problem remains. I think you are all my very closest friends, are you really? I mean, if I die will you come to my funeral? Are we that close? 

23 comments:

  1. I simply adore you!!! Yes, I'll come to your funeral, and I'll even come to your baby shower.

    CONGRATS!!!

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  2. Yes, we are that close, if you die I will be at your funeral!!!

    And - Congratulations!!!!! I'm so happy for you and Josh

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  3. Protocol, schmotocol. I'm glad you told me even though I'm one of those people you've never met. :) And I'm ecstatic for you.

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  4. Guess what Amy I have been blog stalking you a while. This seemed like the perfect post to comment on and let you know.

    Congradulations on your pregnancy.

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  5. Yeah!!! We have not met either, but I don't consider myself a stalker:). I just know a fun blog when I see it. I love babies (you work with one of my favorites!)and I am so excited to hear that you are going to have one. Congratulations to you and Josh and your whole family!!

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  6. Ok, here's my theory on announcing that you're pregnant: (warning, it's long) Tell.

    It's just so exciting and really the "things could go wrong" argument doesn't work for me since I would want people to help bear the sorrow in the event of a miscarriage.

    So the reason we tried to wait longer with this one (and we didn't make it to 3 months) is that I wanted the time to pass a little faster and to pretend like I'm not really pregnant so 9 months would only seem like 6.

    Last time, as soon as we told, that was the only thing I talked about with anybody. (Which I was totally happy about) This time though, it's not quite as life changing because I'm already staying at home with a kid ya know? I just wanted to be a little tougher and not tell so many people I was feeling sick and prego but the result was that Randy sure got an earfull. So I'm just sayin' go ahead and tell. Maybe next time you won't feel like it as early or maybe you will but either way, it's your big news and you tell whenever you wanna! I know I'm glad to know! :D

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  7. :) i love your blog Amy you crack me up.
    About the whole "not telling" thing when your preggo.. i had issues about wether or not we tell anyone about Kason because of before, with what happened. So Logan and i decided that we wouldnt tell anyone but our parents about Kason until 3 months.. it worked out. but so hard to keep from our sibs. again conragts

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  8. My feeling is we all have been on this ride with you just a little bit. I am THRILLED for you. I am glad it was all worth it!!!! I always told pretty quick. I guess I figures that if it all went south I would want people to cry with :) CONGRATULATIONS!

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  12. Ha ha, I'm so dense that I didn't get that your previous post was a pregnancy announcement! I blame illness and this baby for killing my brain cells. I'm so happy for you!! Finally, all the sickness and crap you feel will be for a good reason!

    My Dr wouldn't see me until 12 wks b/c I'm high risk and had such a high chance of losing the baby early on. We didn't tell anyone until after the Dr's appt. I think it's a very individual choice.

    I think the intimacy of your blog just draws people to you. We went to school together and I knew who you were, but honestly, I don't remember having a single conversation with you. But thanks to blogging, I'd consider you a friend, and I would come to your funeral!

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  13. Isn't blogging funny like that? I love that you can feel so close to people even though you don't see or talk to them often. I'm so glad that we both blog so that we could reconnect and become friends again! Not only would I certainly come to your funeral, I'm pretty sure I would bring cupcakes for your family to the after-the-funeral lunch. Just because I love you.

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  14. I'm so excited for you!!!! I think that you should tell whenever you want to tell people. I love reading your blogs they make me smile everyday!! Hope you are doing ok.

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  15. I'm so excited for you!!!! I think that you should tell whenever you want to tell people. I love reading your blogs they make me smile everyday!! Hope you are doing ok.

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  16. I know when I had my miscarriage, we hadn't told anyone, not even your parents or you guys, yet and it was VERY much more awkward to say, "Oh hey, I was pregnant, but I actually had a miscarriage, wanna feel sorry for me?!" I didn't know how to tell even my closest friends, so didn't. The biggest problem I have with telling people is that they then know my baby plan and I don't want to come out with that until I know the baby plan is in the safe zone. Ha ha, funny me, huh?! I am SUPER ecstatic about you pregnancy and I think I would have died from suspense if you hadn't told me. THANKS!! CONGRATULATIONS!

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  17. Congrats! Welcome to pregnant life! And don't worry, the exact same things went through my mind as we debated whether we should tell people (though I sort of didn't find out until I was almost out of my third trimester). I figure, if you have great news to share, share it. What do you have to lose? Because now you just have about four million people that are completely thrilled for you :)

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  18. Not only would I come to your funeral, I would make rolls or funeral potatoes or something. Congrats! I am very excited for you! You'll be wonderful parents. And I'm a little jealous.

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  19. Yes!!!! I'm so stoked. Ok I too agree with Katy. We told right away. The thing is, if something goes wrong you need support so it's better if people already know. I'm so excited!!!!

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  20. Confessions and congratulations! Guess what...I'm a blog stalker! And guess what else...I'm in charge of the Important Events list that goes around RS! I'm so excited for you! You will be a great mom!

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  21. WHat?! I tell you today that maybe you'll feel better when you're prego and you just agree with me? Big trouble you are in :) I'm so stinkin' excited for you! I guess I need to be better at keeping up on blogs too... now I feel dumb! YAY!!!!!!!! So So happy for you!
    And I DO hope that you feel better now that you are pregnant :)

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  22. You're right! It eventually got around to the RS President, and I'm stoked! Hang in there, the ride's just beginning.
    Wendy

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  23. *envision me jumping up and down and shouting at the top of my lungs*

    Woohoo! Hooray! I'm so excited for you! WOOHOO!

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