Monday, April 4, 2011

A Little Bit Pregnant

Keeping it a secret proved to be harder than I expected (shocking...I know) so I wrote posts knowing that I'd post them later. I figured I could keep the secret at least until Easter, but it turns out that I'm a big whiner and I whine just loud enough to make people suspicious, so it's "later" now - so here come some posts.

Written on March 3, 2011:
Last week I gagged on my toothbrush.
The week before I started waking up at 4am because I could no longer sleep through the night without emptying my bladder.
In the past 10 days I've eaten everything I could get my hands on and gained at least 5 pounds as a result.

I'd be lying if I said none of those things had happened before in the past 16 months - but I'd also be lying if I said they didn't make me think "pregnant".

I've been holding off taking a test because I hate seeing negative tests - they make me cry. Also because they're expensive and I hate soaking money in urine. Also because I'm not really sure how I'd feel about being pregnant.

So this morning while Tommy fed himself a bowl of oatmeal, I ran off to the bathroom to take the test.

2 minutes used to feel like eternity when I was waiting for the stupid blue lines to show up.

But this morning it didn't feel like that long.

The light blue line wasn't there enough to be "really pregnant" but just "a little bit pregnant". So I hid the evidence, took a picture of the light blue line, and resolved to take another test tomorrow.



Part of me is certain I'm really pregnant, so certain that I nearly puked while cleaning this morning.
But another part of me is certain I'm really REALLY not pregnant. I'm always certain I'm pregnant, and it's only ever been true once.

I haven't told Josh yet, I don't know how, I don't know the words and I don't know when. Strange isn't it? I've never kept any kind of secret from him (hard to imagine, I know) and I know it's selfish of me, but I really want this to just be mine for a little while. I don't want to share this baby. I just want New Baby Egbert to be all mine - at least for now.

And later I'll tell him and we'll figure out what to do next, but for now - I am the mother of children, not child, and it's pleasantly anti-lonely.

19 comments:

  1. Wow, congratulations!!! Everything will work out just fine- they always do when you're doing the right things!

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  2. That is awesome Fugal!! Congratulations!! I don't blame you for wanting to enjoy it by yourself for awhile. :)

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  3. YAY!!! That's awesome. I don't know if you were trying or not, sounds like not, but things happen for a reason. My brother and his wife tried forever with their first (5 yrs) and then their second was like BAM! Heavenly Father sure knows what he is doing :)

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  4. congratulations!!
    from what i understand, the test can say you're not pregnant when you really are but it cannot say that you are pregnant when you're not. it only says yes if the pregnancy hormone is detected and the pregnancy hormone won't be detected unless you're pregnant.
    i'm so excited for you. two is a lot of fun! the first 6 mos/year takes some getting used to but after that it's really nice. and really, that year flies by so much quicker with the second. enjoy it. :)

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  5. oh also, the dollar store tests are the only tests i EVER use (and have always proven to be correct)! i refuse to spend a lot of money on a test when the results will present themselves soon enough anyway. if you need more confirmation, go grab one of those tests for a buck!

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  6. Congrats on your partial pregnancy!

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  7. Congrats! How wonderfully exciting!

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  8. YAY!! Such great news of course! Although, you are just one more person leaving me in the dust to go have a second baby haha. I'm so so happy for you!

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  9. I KNEW it!! Only from one comment, you told Tommy he better get used to it when he was screaming about you holding Alex. ;) I was going to be like, "AHA! I caught you!" but then I thought I would look really stupid if you weren't :) CONGRATULATIONS!!! You guys sure make cute babies.

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  10. *sniff, sniff* Babies are wonderful!

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  11. It doesn't matter how dark that second line is. You are pregnant. Congratulations!!! That is so exciting!

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  12. Yay! Congratulations! I think it's funny that we're publicly announcing at the same time! I have wondered a couple times recently while reading your blog if you two would be having another baby anytime soon. I know what you mean though. I was so excited to get pregnant and wanted it so badly but then when I saw the positive test I freaked out a little and wasn't sure if I really wanted to be pregnant again so soon. I'm excited to have another though, and I'm excited you are too!

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  13. YAAAAAAAAAYYYY! I'm so happy for you!!! Congrats, congrats! :) Kids are sooo fun.

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  14. Congratulations. Two makes things really busy, but really fun.

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  15. Congratulations! That is so exciting! I'm happy for u guys. Sadly, we still have never actually seen ur first baby in person. Wow, we are true slackers!

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  16. yay!! I'm so excited for you!! Congrats!!

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  17. SO excited for you, you know that. But really still SO surprised! I hope NBE is a girl!

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