Tuesday, June 2, 2009

"Drink 32 oz. and hold it"

"Just relax, you'll feel a little bit of pressure..."
"Drink this, it'll settle your stomach."
"Just look at the snoopy poster on the ceiling and you won't even feel this needle going into your arm."
"Put your feet right here, in these stirrups, then slide down until your butt is hanging off the table, now relax." Really? Is that relaxing for ANYBODY?
But this seriously puts all insane Dr's orders to shame.

"Drink 32 ounces of liquid 2 hours before your appointment, then hold it.

Everything about this is wrong. I have an unreasonable fear of Dr's and they always make me have to pee. So, no matter what kind of Dr. I'm going to, I always ALWAYS pee right before I go into their office. Once before I leave home, then again inside the building, but outside the Dr's suite. I know it's irrational, but it's me. It's what I do.

I also always arrive at my appointment 10 minutes early...you know...just in case.....in case of what? I don't know, but I do it anyway.

Fortunately I love Baby Thomas, so I'm willing...even if I'm not able.

7:00: I down a glass of water because I'm thirsty.
7:02: I can't "hold it" anymore. This is gonna be a long day.
7:40: I arrive at work and fill up my giant cup of water for the day and start my sipping.
8:00: I decide I need to exercise my bladder in order to warm up for this afternoon's big event. I take a big gulp.
8:30: I can't "hold it" anymore. The bladder wins and I empty it.
10:30: I should be emptying my bladder for the last time. Then I should be downing 32 ounces of water and holding it until after my appointment. I'm delaying the last visit to the bathroom as long as I can justify it. I mean really, what difference will 5 minutes make?
10:30 - 11:30: I should drink 32 ounces of fluid with no more trips to the bathroom - until after we've poked and prodded and played with my belly.
11:30: I've had maybe possibly 16 ounces of water. Currently holding. One more hour? While slowly adding the last 16? I'm thinking this might be possible. Might.
11:45: I realize Josh is picking me up in 15 minutes and I really only have that long to drink the rest of this water. Not gonna happen by sipping.
12:00: I lug my enormous water cup out to the car to finish drinking on the way.
12:30: We've been in the waiting room for the longest 10 minutes of my life.
12:35: What kind of ultrasound tech tells people to come full-bladdered and makes them wait 5 WHOLE minutes in the waiting room? Rude.
12:37: We finally get called back.
12:48: Ultrasound Tech shows me my full bladder on the screen "see that enormous black spot? that's you're full bladder." me: "at least it looks as full as it feels."
1:03 Ultrasound Tech tells me we're conveniently located right next door to the restroom and I'm welcome to use it now. Thank you Ultrasound Tech. I truly appreciate that.

The good news? I did not wet myself, or the table, or "empty my bladder" early. This might have been an exercise in "I am WOMAN and I can do ANYTHING!" If so, it worked. if not, I'm still fairly confident that I can probably finish growing this baby and deliver it when the time comes.


  1. Impressive! My Dr presses so hard doing those ultrasounds that I always have to pee RIGHT before he does it, just to be safe. 2 hours and 32 ounces? Hats off from one pregnant lady to another!

  2. hahahaha

    But what was that for? I've never had to do that. You are superwoman!

  3. What? You guys didn't have to do that? I feel SO cheated!

    This was for the "big ultrasound" not the "just for fun" one....

  4. just wait until you have your diabetes test. You have to down this NASTY drink. then wait an hour then they poke you to see your levels. the stuff makes you want to puke and you have to drink it quick. if you fail they have you come back and you have to drink it again and then site 3 hours and get tested every hour! so much fun.... NOT

  5. Amen to the diabetes thing. Yucko.

    At my "big" ultrasound with one of my kids, they ultrasound tech said, "Now go in an empty your bladder about halfway." I said, "Are you kidding me? Once I start emptying this bladder, it will be like Hoover Dam. There is no stopping halfway!"

  6. The ONLY time I had to do that was with Anna. It was SERIOUSLY the most EXCRUCIATING experience of my life!! After I was finally allowed, I think I went to the bathroom 2-3 times just during the appointment. HORRENDOUS!! Way to go AMY!

  7. I had to do that twice and then they told me it still wasn't big enough and we had to do it the other way if you know what I mean. Not pleasant, and totally wasteful!


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