Monday, November 21, 2011

"Sorry John"

Remember back when I thought Tommy & Johnny were gonna be best friends?

I'm still hanging on to that hope, but the first few weeks were a little rough.

When Tommy came to the hospital to meet Tommy I had pictures in my head of our brand new family of 4 huddling around our newest addition counting his tiny toes together. I was certain Tommy would want to hold him and snuggle him and tenderly kiss his head. And these pictures came from other people's actual photos of their kids meeting new babies in the hospital.

When my parents brought Tommy to the hospital to meet John when he was just a day old. Grandma walked in and went to the hand sanitizer. Grandpa walked in and walked to the hand sanitizer. Tommy cowered behind the door, took one peek at me holding "Bee-bay John" and walked around the farthest wall from me glaring at me out of the corner of his eye all the way. He landed on the couch, face in his hands and cried peeking up above his hands to make sure we were watching.

Even after someone else took John, Tommy refused to give me the hug and kiss I knew he'd been saving for me since we snuck out in the middle of the night on him. He wouldn't talk to me or even look at me. For days.

He hated me and he hated John. And he really hated that I was holding John.

He finally acknowledged that John existed on day 3 when Stella was hovering over John's carseat oohing and ahhhing and Tommy knew he was missing something cool.

After a week of John being around all the time, I think Tommy finally figured out that he wasn't going home. That John would be living with us

Although he wasn't thrilled with the idea, he started to tolerate John.

But the biggest leap in progress came at week 2. I was feeding John and Tommy was jumping from the couch to the love sac (an acceptable form of play in our house) when he lost his footing and wound up sitting on John's lap.

"Sorry John!" He quipped and leaped from couch to love sac without missing a beat.

Somehow the part that connected for Tommy was that falling down = "Sorry John".

I didn't notice it until now, but Tommy falls down a lot. And John got apologized to A LOT.

John is now 3 weeks old and Tommy likes to throw blankets at over him and count his tiny toes when they kick out of his britches for just a second at a time. Yesterday he even kissed John's sweet and soft head.

So the first few weeks were rough, and Tommy still throws a few extra fits each day. And Tommy is not thrilled that for John crying earns attention but for Tommy crying earns time out. But I'm fairly confident that eventually they'll be best friends.

Because sometimes I catch Tommy staring at John the same way the rest of us do.


  1. When I had McKenna, JJ didn't want ANYTHING to do with me. Wouldn't let me even come near him for a hug or a kiss, Nothing! I was heartbroken. I cried about it a lot!
    New babies bring growing pains for the rest of the family with them, but you will get your little boy back and before you know it, no one will remember life before Bee-Bay (Adorable!) John.
    Hang in there, Amy! You're doing great!

  2. SO SWEET! I'm glad he's making progress, it's gotta be hard for little ones that just don't understand. You'll get there!

    LOVE "Sorry John"

  3. Haha—I'm still waiting for the best friends part to kick in over here. Shoot. I'd settle for plain ol' friends.

    But even though they fight a lot and can't share and only seem to tolerate each other...I have a hunch that deep down inside they're inseparable. It's been two years after all and Rachel really can't remember life pre-Miraim. But it's still sinking difficult.

    It's never easy, right. Just worth it.

  4. Oh break my heart! What a sweet post. Too much for this emotional pregnant woman. They'll grow up giving each other a hard time like brothers do but I'm sure they'll be best friends. Michael insists his sister should be named Joseph Smith and I've started to think the teasing has already begun. He'll probably call her Joseph her whole life.

  5. Johnny reacted the same way when Adam was born. He wouldn't even come into the room until we put cartoons on the TV. Then, when Adam was five months old, Johnny told me that he wished Adam was never in my tummy, and that he wished Adam was alone in a forest. When Adam was about 10 months old, Johnny put Adam in a basket and was pushing him around. I thought that was great until Johnny pushed him down the stairs. (I was watching so I caught Adam part way down). But, now they really are best buds. Adam thinks Johnny is the most amazing person ever, and Johnny plays with Adam all day everyday. We just tell our kids over and over that they will be best buds and need each other as adults so work on that relationship now. Since we hang out with brothers and sisters a lot and they see us interacting with them. They believe it and really do make a real effort to be best friends.

  6. awe, don't worry, tommy's reaction is totally normal (i'm sure especially for his age and how much he can understand too!).
    after being on bed rest for the last week of my pregnancy with max, then being in the hospital for another week after that (plus cole wasn't allowed in the hospital), then having to leave him everyday (at least twice a day) for 5 weeks to go to the hospital to feed max- cole HATED me. seriously. he bawled every time i came near him and bawled every time his "new mom" (grandma) left. it took him a good 9 mos, at the very least, to warm up to me again and i cried multiple times a day. it was so hard.
    i would say tommy is doing wonderful already warming up to baby after 2 weeks!!!
    just wait until john is mobile. tommy will love it!
    my boys fight like crazy but i can tell they love each other so much.

    p.s. i hope you are getting some sleep. and how is nursing going?


Share |