Saturday, April 30, 2011

Why We Still Use A Monitor

Fact: I live in a 2 bedroom 1200 square foot townhouse.

Fact: I once heard Tommy screaming from clear across the church. Like as far away as you can possibly get and still be in the same building. He's not hurting for volume.

Fact: We still use the baby monitor in our home. It is on all the time.


Because without it, I wouldn't hear Josh interacting with Tommy in there. And that would be tragic.

Exhibit A: Josh was singing lullabies to Tommy last night and got halfway though "Search Ponder & Pray" before he realized he was singing it to the tune of "I Love To See The Temple". How he got halfway though is a mystery to me because I can't get past the first line.

Exhibit B: Josh is changing Tommy's diaper before bed.
J: "Hey! Dude. We don't put our hands in poopy diapers."
T: "blah blah blah....yadda yadda....jibberish"
J: As he turns away from the changing station, muttering under his breath "You crazy crackah."

Exhibit C: Josh "reading" a story he's never seen before. "And then the big bunny rabbit said, you slow turtle, you can't catch me.....I'm the ginger bread man! - AND a turtle!"

Friday, April 29, 2011

From the Mind of Tommy

Tommy's teeth aren't coming out - so he has decided to go in after them. 

Poor kid. He's positively miserable.

Playing Hooky

One time (Wednesday) Josh and I finally went down to the Carl Bloch exhibit.

It was awesome. But Tommy wasn't all for the "sit in front of the large painting and soak it all in." fest, so we sped through just a little bit.

Incredible. You only have one more week, but go.

Also, there's a giant stacka books at the you should probably check that out too.

 But the best part of playing hooky is when you go to your mother's place of work, convince her to play hooky then together go kidnap your nieces to play hooky too.

Ryann is awesome at jumping on the tramp.

Lucy is awesome at swingin'.
Seriously, best. day. ever.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Midnight Bonding

You know how you sometimes fall asleep on the couch and then move to bed at 1am? How sometimes it feels like you've been asleep since 8 (which is when you fell asleep) and other times it feels like you've been asleep since 1 (which is when you moved to bed) and other times it feels like you just closed your eyes for a second and never actually slept?

That was last night.

Tommy was up all night (still working on the same molars he's been working on for MONTHS - plural. months.) and my dreams were full of religious stress and relationship drama. A relief society VT conference in my bed? Sure! Climb in ladies, bring your kids! Let's talk about the issues we're having while snuggling under my covers Charlie and the Chocolate Factory style.

And when Josh was experiencing some sweet - and FRIGID - moments with Tommy in the middle of the night in the rocking chair, I was experiencing some un-sweet and sweaty moments hunched over my garbage can willing everything I've ever eaten to come out of me from as deep as my toes.

This morning when Tommy woke at 5:30, I simply couldn't believe he was finished sleeping. So I whispered to him from my room to "go back to bed baby sweetheart....please go back to bed." Which he did for nearly 30 minutes.

Is it irreverent to pray for a 2-nap day?

This Stinks

This post was written on March 28, 2011..... 

It's 12 in the afternoon and miraculously I have somewhere to be tonight. So today it is mandatory that I get ready.

The problem is that I can't stand to be in my bathroom because I can smell the water in there. All of it. (Do you know how much water is in the bathroom? A lot.) I haven't cleaned it in 2 weeks and the smell of 2-week-water suffocates me when I go in there. So I stink, because the bathroom stinks.

But I can't clean the bathroom because the smell of the cleaner makes me gag (just today - not always). And when I gag it doesn't help the smell problem.

So I stink, because the bathroom stinks, because the cleaner stinks. So it isn't my fault - OK? of this moment in real time (April 27), only the water stinks.

Monday, April 25, 2011

Sunday Duds

Tommy got Sunday duds for Easter.

See how handsome he is?

I might be biased, but I think I have the 2 handsomest boys this Easter.

Of course in the other 25 pictures I took while trying to get Tommy's attention, Josh is making this face, which must be the "I just snitched a jelly bean and can't get it out of my teeth" face.

I was there too. Although slightly less handsome.....

We look nice when we're all fulla sugar and haven't napped all day - huh?

Don't worry, I also let him run around naked and gave him a slinky. It wasn't an entirely formal Easter.

These also happen to be Tommy's "I went to Nursery for the first time" pictures. We were in my parent's ward, so we REALLY weren't sure how he'd do, but he only had a few meltdowns and they were all simply solved by a story or bubbles (or so the nice nursery leaders say....) in all, I'm calling this Easter wildly successful.


Remember when I was in Jr. High and it was cool for one disgusting teenage boy to "gleek" at another disgusting teenage boy clear down the hallway?

Remember? They'd open their big fat mouths wide like Steven Tyler (Steven? Steve? Steve-o?) and lift up their tongues and watch the spit strike out from under their tongues like a squirt gun. Boys were gross back in Jr. High.

Tommy doesn't know it, but he has the gift of gleek. He gleeks at me almost every time he opens his mouth.

So I have to wonder....can he also flick a penny at me hard enough to leave a welt?

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Why I Don't Need to Get Drunk

Because I'm pregnant. 

And pregnant ladies can't walk normal. 

And pregnant ladies laugh-cry hysterically.

And pregnant ladies can't see straight (what with all the crying...).

And pregnant ladies puke in the bushes.

So really it's no different.

Do you think I could get arrested for Driving Under the Fetus?

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Easter: Part 1 (more photos than words)

Josh's grandma (Grandma B.) boils a dozen eggs for every grandkid to dye at the Easter party. This has been the tradition since before Josh can even remember, and now that she has great grandkids, they each get a dozen too.

Tommy loved dropping the eggs in the dye.

But he especially loved the "yay Tommy!" part that came right after.

One of the egg kits had tattoos in it, so of course I had to give Josh a tattoo. He was all smiles

Until I unveiled my work of art and he realized I tainted his manly bicep with a butterfly tat.

Since it was freezing cold (even though Easter was almost a month late this year), we held all the festivities in Uncle Kyle's basement - which is totally awesome because while someone else distracted Tommy.....

....Josh and I rocked the dartboard.

But it WAS Easter, so we HAD to go outside at some point. A face which simply tore Tommy apart.

He could hardly wait to find those eggs.

Josh was happy to help.

Until he realized that the eggs were full of cheerios and goldfish, then he lost interest and let Tommy devour the loot.

We blew enormous bubbles (a beautiful day for that!)

and checked out the livestock out back 

World's ugliest turkey - and Josh making a turkey noise.
before taking our final pictures and wishing everyone a Happy Easter.

Us and Grandma B.

Happy Easter!


Tommy's new favorite thing is gathering a pile of stuffed animals and wrestling with them until he laughs so hard he can't breath. 

Fortunately Bubbah's Grandmother has provided him with enough stuffed animals for wrestle-mania in every corner of every room of the house. Tommy loves it.

But my favorite part is when he tries to pick them all up at once.

Because he's just so proud of himself when he does.

Friday, April 22, 2011

Thanksgiving 2011

I gotta say - having friends worth making up pretend holidays for is one of life's great pleasures. 

We came, we smiled, we ate. 

L-R: Josh, Ashley, Junior, Greg, Scott & Eva
Dinner was positively delicious, with everything homemade and mouth watering.

And it was oh so good. That night the only evidence of our party later that night wasn't pretty though.

I think that Thanksgiving in the Springtime is a really great idea, especially when it involves the best friends and food there are. It was totally worth the extra wait and all the anticipation.

It's too bad Tommy chased everyone away just after pie with his extraordinary barfing skills. We wouldda had a killer game of hand and foot.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Are You In There?

There is nothing worse than lying on the table at Dr. Man's and having him say "I can't find it."

That happened when Tommy was supposedly 8 weeks grown but was really only 2 weeks grown. And my womb was empty. Remember that?

Well this time when we saw Dr. Man the first time NBE was right on schedule and "with a heartbeat that strong the chance of miscarriage is less than 1%".

So this morning I headed up to Dr. Man's ready to hear NBE's heartbeat since we only got to see it last time.

Dr. Man held that radio thing up to his ear and shook and moved the thing around on my "tummy" and played with the tuner to make sure it was working and moved and moved and angled and we heard nothing but fuzz. Although Dr. Man is an expert and certainly knows how his equipment works, I wanted to tell him to push harder. That I knew that baby was in there and that he simply needed to make contact with my spine in order to hear the heartbeat. I kept my ideas to myself.

After a few minutes of listening to my fuzzy insides with no fwapfwapfwap of NBE's heart, Dr. Man said "Well let's move you to the ultrasound room and see if that baby's still in there."

I took a deep breathe and cried a little inside and looked at my watch when he said "it'll be about 5 minutes because I've got someone else in there. I'll be back for you soon."

I stared at my watch for the first 2 minutes counting down the seconds. I stopped counting to say a silent prayer, then got out my book to try to distract myself. I read the same page 4 times before I figured out that I hadn't turned the page when I was through. I was busy thinking of all the things that had happened in the past 4 weeks. Wouldn't I have noticed if NBE had left? Fell out? Disappeared?

Finally Dr. Man came back and we did an ultrasound. Turns out NBE is sitting significantly higher than he Dr. Man expected, but everything is OK.

Good heartbeat - nice face holes (I think they don't usually do ultrasounds at this point because the alien-skull look is at it's peak) and happy to swim around and wave at us.

NBE may or may not have been just looking for a photo-opportunity. I have yet to hear the heartbeat but am far from disappointed.  NBE is "still in there" and lookin' good albeit squished up high.

Mostly I'm just relieved. Relieved like a relieved Jen Ford. And oh so glad I didn't have to wait a month (or more) to find out that everything is fine.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Keeping Him Drunk (and other made up words)

Tommy hasn't been feeling well for the last couple of days - after a midnight bath and sheet-changing Tommy woke up appropriately thirsty.

That's why Josh reminded me today that my goal should be to not let him get dehydrated - you know....keep him.....drunk.

We make up words on a regular basis in our house, like the time we were driving from one place to the next and I told Josh I thought we should have "real conversations" on a more regular basis. He turned to me without missing a beat and said "What? We conversate. We're conversating right now, right?" After teasing him for an appropriate amount of time (at least 2 years) I might be willing to let it go.

Of course he isn't the only one who does it - I have my fair share of stupid words which aren't, but it's more fun to make fun of my boys than it is to admit my own stupidity. So this post ends here.

The End.

Monday, April 18, 2011


You know how sometimes the anticipation and waiting for an event is the best part of it? Like Christmas. And not like pregnancy.

Well, I think that Thanksgiving in April is one of those things like Christmas.

Around actual Thanksgiving I bought a turkey because the boyscouts asked me to. And then I asked Ashley if she had room for it in for it in her fancy-pants grown up freezer. She did. I didn't. Then I promptly forgot about it.

Until I remembered while we were out shopping one day. "oh my gosh you have my turkey!" I gasped.
"I know." She hadn't forgotten.
"I totally forgot about that, I'm so sorry!" I babbled. Because I babble when I'm stupid.
"I know." She doesn't babble. Probably because she's not stupid.
"So...wanna come to our house for Thanksgiving in the Spring and we'll eat it?"
"Sure." Seriously, she doesn't babble.

Well that was like a month ago - back when it was spring before snow. We set a date (yesterday) for our Thanksgiving Day feast and got to planning.

But then Saturday night Tommy thought barfing was what the cool kids were doing (and we all know he's cool) and then Sunday morning Josh thought Tommy was right. And the two of them were downright disgusting.

So we cancelled Thanksgiving. Really we just postponed it because a thawed turkey will only last so long..... And in doing so, we remembered some other stuff we forgot (ice cream! decorations!) and the Thanksgiving feast just keeps getting better and better.

I can't wait for tomorrow night.

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Zoo People

I figured that since we've been to the zoo more times this year than in all my previous 25 years of life, we were becoming Zoo People.


Zoo People
 But after our quick trip on Saturday, I sincerely hope that is not the case. Instead, I hope that Zoo People continue to make us do this:

Because Zoo People are yucky.
And they smell like animals.
And they stand too close together.
And they make animal sounds (guilty).
And they lick things (ice cream...but whatever - I saw way too much tongue).
And they touch each other.
And the young (teenage) zoo people are particularly disgusting and naked and all over each other.

So while I love the Zoo, and I love Tommy's face when he's watching the animals; I love it best when it's March and it's overcast and there are only 2 other families there.

I do not love it when it's Saturday and the first day of sunshine in months and the crazies come out in droves.

I'm hoping for many quiet mornings at the zoo this summer. Before the sun turns normal people into Zoo People.

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Seeing NBE

Written March 23, 2011:

Today we saw New Baby Egbert. They sucked my blood and tested all my insides, then did an ultrasound. NBE is measuring almost exactly on his due date (Nov. 4th) and has a very strong heartbeat.

It's funny for this to be a big secret. With Tommy we saw the heartbeat and immediately called everyone we knew to let them know he was OK. Seeing that heartbeat was a long time in the making and our friends and family were anxiously waiting to hear if he was OK or not. With NBE I cried quietly on the table while Josh squinted at the tv and asked Dr. Man if we could see the umbilical cord yet.

I think I feel more connected to NBE because he's all mine for now. He is not everybody's baby, he's just mine, for me to love and to want and worry about.

Secret-keeping is not my forte, and I'm not a very subtle pregnant person, so I am excited to tell everyone (and I know it won't be secret for long), but for now, the quiet is a little nice.

Friday, April 15, 2011

Bubbah Learns to Slide

This morning Tommy and I headed for the park at the crack of dawn - er....8:30. That's sortof like the crack of dawn right? It felt like it.

Since I'm too lazy to stand at the slide and help Tommy down it a million times in a row, he learned how to do it himself today.

Need a play-by-play?
First we walk over to the stairs of death where somebody crushed a few Dorito's into the bark.

Then we scale the stairs like a master - because climbing up onto surfaces as high as our chests is easy-peasy.

Mom says we have to go shoes first. So we maneuver a bit.

Check the booty? Check. Is anyone paying attention? Check.

And then he was so proud, he made his cheeser-face:

It was a lovely morning at the park - we're looking forward to more like this over the summer. And who knows, maybe by the end of the summer, he'll stop making this face on the crazy slide and just do the fun slide instead because the crazy-slide is a little bit lame. Maybe if we added a hose at the top and a pool at the bottom it would be cooler?

And as your gift for watching such an exciting moment in Tommy-history, I give to you, a Shades Shot because they're my favorite.

You're welcome.

What To Do

I remember when Tommy was just a few weeks old and a friend of mine (Hi Eva!) asked if I wanted to borrow her bouncer. I (being the cheapskate that I am) said of course! (and thank you!) and she let me know she'd bring it over to me.

It was probably 10:30 in the morning, and Tommy wasn't that old and I simply didn't know what I was supposed to do with him during the day. I knew when to feed him and when to hold him, but there were all of these hours where he was just a baby-blob. So, I usually wore him in the wrap and did house-stuff. But I still didn't really know if I was missing something.

She brought the bouncer, we tried it out and she sat with me for like an hour while we watched him lay in the bouncer. We made faces at him (to which he had no response), we tickled his tiny and adorable toes, we chatted about adjusting to motherhood. And after she left a light bulb came on over my head. I consciously thought "THAT is what you're supposed to do with a baby!" and it changed the way I was Tommy's mommy.

Yesterday my sisters brought lunch to my house and we ate in my living room (heaven). Sarah also brought Logan (her 2.5 year old) and a pile of blocks. So after lunch when Tommy woke up, we all sat on the floor and built towers for the boys to knock over. After they left a light bulb came on over my head. I consciously thought "THAT is what you're supposed to do with a Bubbah!" and it totally changed our afternoon.

Every now and again I think I just need to have an experienced mom come to my house and show me how to be a mom; because although many things come naturally, I simply need to be trained in others.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Nesting: Why I Didn't Need To

Josh has this strange knack for doing things that don't need to be done. Or that should be done but that I refuse to do because it's the kind of gross you can't see.

Ordinarily it drives me crazy because it almost always comes at an inopportune moment. Also because I'm tightly wound. Whatever. Like when we're late for church and he finds this the best moment to vacuum out the lint trap in the dryer. Or when we should've left for the shrink's office 10 minutes ago and he just wants to "hurry and change the air filter for the furnace".

But every now and then it pays off. Because sometimes someone (the Kirby vacuum guy) mentions to him that mattresses are disgusting (which is why civilized humans use sheets) and then he decides to spend an hour vacuuming the mattress and box-springs before changing the sheets.

He is a good man.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Typical Night

Written March 17th:

Josh and I are curled up on the couch watching 24 and it's a bit know, like 24, Give me a name!!! I'm running out of time! when I can suddenly taste my teeth.
And it's not good.
I've been eating all day (roughly 7 full-blown meals) so I'm not surprised my teeth aren't squeaky clean, but they're seriously grossing me out. In the middle of a fairly intense questioning, I pause the show and get up to brush my teeth.

Josh asks where I'm going and why and I tell him I need to brush my teeth.
"In the middle of an episode?" he throws up his hands in disgust and follows me to the bathroom.
I brush.
He brushes.
While spitting and rinsing I whiff the sink and immediately go for the cleaning solution.

Josh looks at me and chuckles heartily.
I look at me and sigh.

"I think I'm pregnant" I say.
"I don't think much else would make tooth-brushing and sink-scrubbing more important than saving the world right now." He reasons.

After a thorough scrubbing of all sinks and counters in the house, we return to watching the nuke destroy the Mojave Desert while Jack miraculously gets away (again).

Have I said it lately? Pregnancy changes everything.


Neither one of my boys is ever as beautiful as when they've put each other to sleep and are snuggling in my glider long past bedtime.

[Insert beautiful picture of both boys here. Use your imagination, it was dark.]

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Fully Formed (or The One Where I Turn 26)

A few weeks ago my older sister and I had a loooong talk about life. I may or may not have been having a major breakdown (to the tune of 5 hours of "what am I supposed to do with my life") and at the very end of our talk, I realized that my biggest problem was simply that I had no idea what I wanted.

I look at two completely opposite people living their lives in opposite ways and I think "they have got it all together, THAT is what I want to live like." But then I realize that my life simply cannot look like both of theirs. The bottom line is that I don't know what kind of person and mom I want to be. After unloading all of this to her, she asked me how old I was.
She nodded thoughtfully (she's going to school to be a therapist, so she did that nod) and said "good. the end of the year maybe your brain will be fully formed and you'll know more about what you want."

That's right friends, it isn't my fault I'm a complete disaster, it's because this brain of mine simply isn't finished forming.  So, today I am celebrating my brain.

Monday was such a fantastic day that I could hardly wait for today to come. I felt so great that I was certain it would last at least 24 hours because usually you don't go from feeling great to wishing you were dead in just a few hours.

Josh's mom was taking my child to give me a day off, I had lunch plans with a friend and had all kinds of ideas of things I wanted to do all day long. (Including (a) drive somewhere without a carseat, (b) get out craft supplies and paper and leave them out because when I'm done because they won't be eaten, and (c) park far away from where I'm going, because not lugging around the babe makes that reasonable.)

But just after midnight, my brain must have decided to revolt its fully formed self. Because that's when the worst sick-day of this pregnancy kicked in. I was up at least every 45 minutes and although my stomach was totally empty by 1am, I convulsed and heaved every time I woke up.

Since Josh took Tommy to his mom's house, I tried to sleep in, but my up-every-45-minutes schedule stuck with me clear until 10am. That's when I finally moved out to the couch which made absolutely no difference at all.

There could not have a been a better day for me to be childless because I truly don't know what I would've done with Tommy all day here. He would have been neglected thats for sure.

So although I have a lot to celebrate today, I'm watching Ellen and Disney movies in my bathrobe, feasting on a Saltine cracker and nearly 2 ounces of 7-up.

Odd, but it still seems like a very happy birthday what with all the facebook birthday wishes, the ridiculously generous gifts and the incredible friends and family I'm so lucky to have.

Sometimes people ask if I'm really as sick as I claim to be - and here's the honest to goodness truth. Sometimes I am. I have good days and bad days (yesterday I only puked one time! = good day!) but when I claim to have spent my entire day in the bathroom, I'm not lying. And when I claim to have been full of energy and productive, I'm not lying. So yes....and no.


We didn't take Tommy to nursery on Sunday because he had a bit of a runny nose and I didn't want to be THAT mom on the first week.

So I was terribly relieved yesterday when that runny nose got worse and added a cough.

Good job Tommy. Way to make you're mommy glad she did what she did.

Now, I'm counting on everybody feeling well this Sunday so we can do nursery!

Monday, April 11, 2011

Best Day Ever

Today I woke up feeling great, Tommy and I cleaned and cooked and did dishes and laundry and shredded old files (bank statements from high school? No thanks.) and got a million things done.
We enjoyed a tiny bit of sunshine every time we emptied the garbage can.
We walked down the street for a few minutes before decided to come inside and read some books by the window.

Then we went to his 18 month checkup with Dr. Lady and she declared him adorable and perfect even though he screamed in her face and doesn't really say enough words. She let him play with her stethoscope which he thought was awesome and he didn't even have to have shots. He's growing just right (back down to the 10th percentile for weight, the 95th for height and 50th for noggin) and is perfect in every visible way.

I felt non-pukey and non-tired and it was clearly the best day I've had in at least 10 weeks.

I love a good solid productive AND fun day.

Saturday, April 9, 2011

One thing I love about no secrets.....

One thing I love about not keeping my current "condition" a secret is that I can whine (and poke a bit of fun at myself) in public.

This morning Josh abandoned me for his education and employment.

This morning I abandoned Tommy in favor of the porcelain throne - more than once, less than 5 times......before noon.

After that I turned on Toy Story 3 (I tell myself it was for Tommy, but I think we all know the truth) and when he climbed up on the couch, and then on me, we cuddled (and maybe dozed) until suddenly all the toys were headed toward the blazing inferno of death and neither of us had a clue who put them there. Waking up with someone you love, then watching them wake up with someone they love has to be one of the greatest gifts God ever gave us. 

This afternoon I called Josh and told him that if he ever wanted to see his precious man-child again he'd better come home and feed him because I simply couldn't manage to do that and clearly he was going to starve if someone didn't open the fridge for him in the next 20 seconds.

This evening I continued my movie marathon by being "welcomed to the 60's" trying to watch Planet 51, Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs and Grease but doing very little watching and very lots of moaning and groaning.

At one point during the day Josh asked me to help him in the kitchen and I called him a big baby and told him that if he didn't have to do anything when he was sick I didn't have to either. (He's a lucky man...) That's when he looked at me and said "oh yeah, I totally forgot you weren't feeling well." which would've been fine if I had LOOKED like I was feeling well, but I know how I looked and it wasn't anything you could describe as well.

But here's the problem: Apparently that's what I look like by the end of every day these days, because he saw absolutely no difference at all. *sigh*

You've missed the puke-diaries haven't you?

Friday, April 8, 2011

Week 6

Written on March 11th:

I'm sick. I woke up in the middle of the night to puke and pee. Forgive the graphic details, but I remember so clearly sitting on the toilet with the garbage can in front of my face like it was just yesterday. But somehow I forgot to be thankful every day for NOT doing that during the past 17 months. Until last night. Then I was grateful for the past 17 months.

Josh is ridiculously excited. He wouldn't stop talking about and to the new baby at the zoo yesterday. He'd put his hand on my belly (very conspicuously) and say "I'm so glad we're ALL here." and I'd swat him away and tell him that he wasn't allowed to out us to Nate & Wendy.

Not telling might be the hardest thing I've ever done. But in the same breath, this baby might be the best secret we've ever kept. People want to do some major running and biking this summer. (A half-marathon with my mom & sisters? 5ks 10ks and halfs with Jess? Not likely.) A friend asked if I wanted to play Biggest Loser - Salt Lake (yes I do - but I think if I spend the summer focusing on weight loss, Dr. Man will have my head).

When I finally told Josh last week (I say it like I kept it a secret for SOO long - it was really less than a week) we both had a minor meltdown. New Baby Egbert (NBE) will come in the middle of a semester. And then he'll have one more semester. We live in a two-bedroom townhouse. Someone's gonna have to share a room with NBE. Life is a little stressful right now, and to be honest we're not really handling that stress very well - NBE is just one more thing we're not sure we can handle. But now we're past that (mostly) and on to the miracle of life. The blessing of a child. The joy of a growing family. The hope of better times ahead. And of course the excitement of a REALLY good secret.


Earlier this week Souper Salad sent me an e-mail for free food. So I imagined going there to see if it would really be worth it to go there with Bubbah. Answer: No. It's not worth it without Daddy to play with/feed Bubbah too.

But the problem is that ever since I saw the e-mail I've needed bread sticks.

So last night at 9:30 I made bread sticks and they are dang freakin' good. Tommy and I have been eating them all day long.

But then I saw a commercial for IHOP and now I must have waffles. And not homemade ones either, the kind with the big holes. And they need to be topped with "fresh fruit" which is really blended fruit mixed with sugar...and some chunks of real fruit too. I neeeed them.

And while we're getting waffles we may as well get hash browns.

And if we're at a breakfast place, I'm sure Josh will get some kind of skillet, which will remind me that I haven't had cheese fries in a VERY long time and I should probably get some while I still can.

But what good are cheese fries with no shake to dip them in?

And that is the story of why I plan to eat waffles, hash browns, cheese fries and a milkshake for breakfast tomorrow.

But I'll probably be hungry again by 10, which is when I'll eat my bread sticks.

What are you eating today?

Thursday, April 7, 2011

When it snows in April....

...we simply refuse to accept that as reality.


I sometimes feel like I've settled into motherhood. Not that I'm a pro, not that I'm good at it, just that I've settled into it.

In the beginning when we were measuring Tommy's out-of-womb life in hours and days I remember thinking "well, last night he slept for 2.5 hours at a I guess that's normal although it only happened's still 100% of the time...." and I couldn't possibly imagine a day in my life that I would have a clue what "usually" even meant. Heaven forbid we have a daily routine.

But earlier this week as I (for the 4th or 5th time) packed away the too-small clothes and got out the too-big clothes it felt routine.

I looked at the tiny shirts thinking "I can't believe this used to fit him" and I looked at the enormous pants thinking "his legs will never be this long." And then I remembered having said those exact words to myself about a million times before.

As I've started packing away my "skinny clothes" and started begging Josh to get my "fat clothes" from the attic I remember doing this once before.

I remember thinking "those pants used to fall down to my knees because they were so big" and mourning the body I had and never appreciated. I remember looking at a maternity shirt thinking "if my belly ever fills this thing I just don't see how I'll be able to stand." I even pulled an Anastasia and looked for the Russian circus which must surely still be in there.

I just think it's strange to do things which felt like SUCH a big deal the first few times and think nothing of them.

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Josh Found Out

Written on March 8, 2011:

Josh has been taking an OB class this semester and it makes him extraordinarily nosy.

A few days ago he asked when my last cycle was. I told him it was a while ago and to mind his own business.

Yesterday he said "I had a dream that we had a new baby last night." I told him that was interesting.

Today he said "I think you might be pregnant." I nodded and grunted noncommittally.
He asked "Do you think you're pregnant?"
I hesitated and then looked up from my book and said "yeah....I kinda do."
"Have you taken a test?"
"Yeah....I have....."
"Was it positive?"
"A little bit....."
"Are you kidding me? Where did you hide it? We're gonna have a baby?!?!?!?!"

It probably wasn't very nice of me not to tell him, but I just couldn't figure out what to say and I didn't want him to freak out and panic and once I had waited a day to tell him I wasn't sure how to bring up the fact that I was telling him now but I wasn't telling him before. You know?

He was excited. And then he freaked out and panicked.

Then after a day or two he got excited again.


Tommy's wandering around the house in his pajamas playing with a sucked-on dum dum....except when he's sucking on the stick. Gross.

Josh is at school. Gross.

I'm hiding at my computer desk pretending to work while really spending time on facebook and e-mailing people. I'm feeling exceptionally proud of myself for showering last night. I'm a genius for finally figuring out that I can shower at night now that I'm not running in the morning.  Not-gross. Today For the first time in a few weeks, I win the Not-Gross prize!

Monday, April 4, 2011

More on New Baby Egbert (NBE)


When are you due?: Dr. Man thinks that NBE will come on November 4th. NBE is measuring exactly where NBE should, so that's as good a due date as we're going to get. That would make Tommy 2 years and one month older than NBE.

Are you sick again?: Yes I'm sick. It's different to be sick at home than to be sick at work.
Sick at work was "OK get sick, brush your teeth and move on. Your phone is still ringing."
Sick at home is "Lock Tommy out of the bathroom and cry while you're sick because it's just so positively miserable, then moan and groan on the couch and when you feel the next bout of sickness run to the fridge because you can't eat & puke at the same time. Also still feed the older child when he cries and bangs on the fridge."

This is another reason I simply can't keep it a secret. I'm not good at quietly being miserable. I'm a big loud whiner and I can't do the things I used to. I can only "call in sick" to running so many days in a row before I have to admit that I expect to be sick every morning for the next 8 months and I really can't be counted on.

Did you have a hard time getting pregnant this time?: No. Not technically. We didn't take any drugs, or do any treatments. But we also haven't been preventing pregnancy for more than a few months. We weren't so antsy this time though, Josh is still in school, we live in a small townhouse with no yard and no extra room, when Josh's next semester starts I have no idea if he'll have a job again or not.... There are a lot of reasons for us not to have a kid right now so we were OK with it taking more than a month to happen so it feels like a bit of a surprise, but strictly took a while.

I'm really hoping that this is all part of a divine plan for our lives.

Are you hoping for a boy or girl?: The honest to goodness truth is that right now I'd be equally happy with either one. Really. If it's a boy I'll breathe a big sigh of relief because of all the things we don't have to buy. If it's a girl I'll be thrilled to already have one of each and to never have to care if it's a boy or girl again. So I really really mean it when I say I don't care either way.

Did you actually think you were keeping it a secret?: No. I did not. Like I said I'm a loud whiner. Also I stopped running and started eating roughly 7 meals a "soft around the middle" is the nice way to describe how I'm looking. Add that to the green face and the constant napping and I'm certain that some of you put it together. Which is why we told earlier than 13 weeks even though it would have been an awesome Easter surprise.

A Little Bit Pregnant

Keeping it a secret proved to be harder than I expected (shocking...I know) so I wrote posts knowing that I'd post them later. I figured I could keep the secret at least until Easter, but it turns out that I'm a big whiner and I whine just loud enough to make people suspicious, so it's "later" now - so here come some posts.

Written on March 3, 2011:
Last week I gagged on my toothbrush.
The week before I started waking up at 4am because I could no longer sleep through the night without emptying my bladder.
In the past 10 days I've eaten everything I could get my hands on and gained at least 5 pounds as a result.

I'd be lying if I said none of those things had happened before in the past 16 months - but I'd also be lying if I said they didn't make me think "pregnant".

I've been holding off taking a test because I hate seeing negative tests - they make me cry. Also because they're expensive and I hate soaking money in urine. Also because I'm not really sure how I'd feel about being pregnant.

So this morning while Tommy fed himself a bowl of oatmeal, I ran off to the bathroom to take the test.

2 minutes used to feel like eternity when I was waiting for the stupid blue lines to show up.

But this morning it didn't feel like that long.

The light blue line wasn't there enough to be "really pregnant" but just "a little bit pregnant". So I hid the evidence, took a picture of the light blue line, and resolved to take another test tomorrow.

Part of me is certain I'm really pregnant, so certain that I nearly puked while cleaning this morning.
But another part of me is certain I'm really REALLY not pregnant. I'm always certain I'm pregnant, and it's only ever been true once.

I haven't told Josh yet, I don't know how, I don't know the words and I don't know when. Strange isn't it? I've never kept any kind of secret from him (hard to imagine, I know) and I know it's selfish of me, but I really want this to just be mine for a little while. I don't want to share this baby. I just want New Baby Egbert to be all mine - at least for now.

And later I'll tell him and we'll figure out what to do next, but for now - I am the mother of children, not child, and it's pleasantly anti-lonely.

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Insider Trading

I know it's illegal, but I'm going to give you some tips anyway.

I'd advise buying stock in Saltine's, Poise Pads, Tums, and if the new baby has the same tastes in cravings as Tommy did, Arby's, Soft Preztel companies & Lunchables.

I only ask that you remember me when you're filthy stinkin' rich, because I'll be spending my fortune on diapers.

A Recipe You Should Have

1 small chocolate fountain
5 lbs of chocolate (the good kind)
strawberries, bananas, pineapple, cinnamon bears, marshmallows, rice krispie treats, cookies, pretzels etc.
about 15 women and their children (totaling at least 15 tiny bodies)

Makes good times during the priesthood session.

I didn't take an actual picture for fear of chasing everyone away - but at one point I sat back in the corner just to watch for a minute, and it was a thing of beauty.

Women involved in at least 5 different conversations, kids playing with each other and next to each other, toys everywhere, food everywhere else. I'm sure our neighbors wondered what was going on because the sheer volume of the event was something to behold.

Miraculously nobody got hurt, I didn't notice any meltdowns which means the volume of the happy children was higher than the volume of any sad children.

All visible signs point to a smashing success. Hopefully next time it will be at least as fun as this time.

Saturday, April 2, 2011

The Dyson

We bought a Dyson. The cool orange one with the ball. Yes, that one. It's because *shrugs* "we're cool".

See? Cool.

If you aren't interested in reading a review of a vacuum cleaner which somebody purchased with her own hard-earned cash recently returned to her by the putrid feds....go ahead and stop here. Cuz that's all this is.

The pro-cons:

  • It's light. This is great for hauling it around the house, or say....taking it backpacking. But sometimes it flies over the carpet so fast that I can't FEEL the suction. I think there might be something wrong with me because I think if it isn't hard, it doesn't count. So....if a woman pushes a vacuum and doesn't break a sweat to do it, is her carpet still clean? Debatable. 
  • The uber-long hose. I think the thing measures something like 10,000 feet, so if you wanna vacuum the top of Mt. Everest without climbing it, that's great. But if you wanna vacuum the inside of your car or the window-tracks, you have to maneuver the 3 foot hard part of the hose (which is mandatory) to do it. I'm confident this is because Dyson also sells a car-cleaner-outer vacuum, but I don't wanna buy that tiny little tool since I just bought the mother-of-all vacuums. (I'm doing the justice-scale-weighing thing with my hands, can you tell?)
  • It sucks EVERYTHING. The 5-year-old $50 walmart vacuum was the great anti-suck. It taught me how to vacuum a different way. i.e. you can vacuum near something without sucking it up. That pencil on the floor? No need to pick it up, I'll just vacuum near it instead of placing the suck-hole directly over it. The bobby pins which have congregated on the seats of my car? No problem, lightly graze over them and they'll still be there when I'm through. Now that I'm using a vacuum which actually sucks with power, everything within a 3 foot radius of the suck-hole gets sucked. Pens and pencils, legos, small children, apparently you can't vacuum near anything with a Dyson. 
  • The ball. I won't lie, this was a big reason for the purchase. Not only does it look cool, but I like the idea of being able to turn quickly (probably because I spent so much time vacuuming near things) without moving heaven and earth to do it. However, the instability of the ball means no neat straight vacuum lines for me. I can't walk straight and I certainly can't vacuum straight, nobody turn me in for drunk-vacuuming OK? Also, this makes me lazy, because I really can vacuum around ANYTHING. If I can get away with calling it "furniture" I don't have to move it. Laundry hampers, speakers, and tiny chairs are suddenly immobile in my life. Until Tommy drags them to another part of the house. Anyway....
So there you have it. I love the Dyson. With all my heart. And this comes from a non-vacuumer. But it's an adjustment, as most good things are. 
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