Wednesday, October 29, 2008

A lot to live up to.

I look at my family and sometimes it’s quite frankly overwhelming. My parents are both geniuses. And as far as I can tell they’re perfect.

My mom could be anything in the world, but she chose to stay home with us when we were kids. She got a job at BYU grading papers for a business writing professor because she could do it at home. She’s just that good. She can make anything, she knows about everything and she never forgets the things she’s learned. She’s a gospel scholar and no matter how inadequate she thinks she is, she is the most qualified person there is to be teaching institute. On top of all that, she’s a kind, generous, approachable, fantastic human being who never stops learning.

My dad you ask? How’d he land a girl that great? Well, he’s that great too. He’s a lawyer and he works his butt of at everything he does. I’ve never heard the man complain about anything. He’d give you the shirt off his back before you even have a chance to ask. He is probably the most dedicated and hard working person I know. He’s VERY book smart and knows about everything, but there isn’t anything he can’t build with his hands. He can quote scripture and explain what he’s reading like nobody I’ve ever met. In my eyes, this man is the best there is.

My oldest brother Spencer is a Mechanical Engineer for Boeing. I’m pretty sure he’s the youngest guy on his team by like 30 years. He’s probably smarter than all of them too. He also has 3 beautiful children and his wife is the perfect mother.

My sister Sarah was a Math major, but didn’t finish that degree because she starting having her own genius babies. She decided to go back to school, but changed her major to psychology and she’s ROCKING that. Her husband is in the bishopric and every one of their kids is capable of being just as great as their parents.

The next in line is Katy and she graduated in Elementary Education. She went on a mission and probably converted thousands, thou she’d never say it because she’s humble. :) She is an amazing mother and reminds me so much of my mom it’s frightening. We tease her a bit because she’s the “yellow” of the family and LOVES a good party. The Marshes are always good company and that’s the truth.

Nate is well on his way to following Spencer’s footsteps, he’s at Utah State right now deciding what to do with his life, but I know that whatever he chooses he will excel in. Meanwhile he’s making bank. He’s the kid with all the money.

You’re probably bored reading about my picture perfect family, that used to be how I felt too, but now I love them in spite of their perfection. I’ve always felt like I could never live up to the high standards my family has set.

Yesterday I was talking to Sarah about what Garret and Dallin (her 2 oldest boys) would like to do on their “Egberts are the coolest weekend”. Her response? “Anything is way more exciting than scrubbing toilets. No matter what you do, they’ll have a great time.” I’ve never felt like the bar was set so low in my family! What a relief!

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

I'm old.

Have you ever had someone tell you how old you are and gasped because it just sounded like such a huge number? Tayler called because he wanted to play this game:

1. First of all, pick the number of times a week that you would like to go out to eat. (more than once but less than 10)
2. Multiply this number by 2 (just to be bold)
3. Add 5
4. Multiply it by 50
5. If you have already had your birthday this year add 1758...If you haven't, add 1757.
6. Now subtract the four digit year that you were born.

You should have a three digit number

The first digit of this was your original number. (I.e., How many times you want to go out to restaurants in a week.)

The next two numbers are:

I’ve played this game before, there’s nothing that shocking about it, just simple math really. The alarming part that made me gasp was that number staring back at me. 223. I would like to eat out twice a week (mostly it was the easiest number to do math too, I REALLY wish we ate out zero times a week, but that’s not a choice for the game…) and I am 23 YEARS OLD. Dude. That’s old.

I hear.....

During the game of “Crazy Quandries” we played with Kate and Rand a while ago, I was asked the question would I rather lose my sense of hearing or my sense of touch. I picked hearing, but only because as I thought about it, I decided that I’d probably kill myself if I couldn’t feel anything. You couldn’t walk or drive or do your hair. I wouldn’t be able to type, or play the piano. I wouldn’t be able to tell when I’m being burned or putting too much pressure on something. I would be totally helpless. Plus I’ve never heard of someone surviving that disease (if it even exists) but I know there are deaf people who survive just fine. So, I picked deaf.

Today I’ve been paying attention to all the things I hear, and I might be changing my mind. I’d miss out on:

The printer every 5 seconds.
The guy who walks in spinning his ratchet around so it clicks a lot.
Ernie whistling “Deck The Halls”
Aundrea typing an e-mail, I know it’s to me because she just snickered a little bit.
Mark teasing Robin about his habit of playing with silly putty.
The fax machine beeping.
Aundrea’s laugh (have I mentioned how much I love her? Seriously, she’s fantastic.)
Phones. All of the phones.
Keys jangling while Kenny runs down the hall.
Kkkrrrshhht. Over. (that’s a radio sound)
That little “bong bong bong” sound that happens when you’re chatting with someone.
The lady who sings in the hallway at the conference center because she thinks nobody can hear her.
Mark’s hangars clanging.
Scott's pants swishing while he walks down the hallway.
The Cabinet shop's drill.

All of that is just background noise, and it doesn't even count the beautiful music or voices that I LOVE to hear. It has nothing to do with the fire crackling while my family sings songs around it. This is without considering the kids laughing and shrieking while Josh chases them around. I couldn't live without music, stories, voices, and laughter. I think I'd rather be incapable of physically feeling things. I rather break all my fingers one at a time and not be able to drive or do my hair. It would be totally worth it if I could hear.

So, Randy, on second thought, you did get that one right.

Monday, October 27, 2008

Pizza party!

Saturday we had a pizza party with the Marshes. We love the Marshes. We love that they want to play with us. We love that when they walk in the door, they go "it's a pizza party! it's a pizza party!" We love that they play the right kind of games. We love that they have a baby that they let us play with. We love how she goes “ahhh ha ha ha ha ha!” when you’re playing hide and seek, and also when you tell a joke that wasn’t that funny. We love that they brought all the toppings because I only had ingredients for dough. We love that they don’t care that our gourmet meal included only pizza and green beans. We love that they bring The Wiggles with them and sing the “hot potato hot potato, cold spaghetti cold spaghetti.” And we REALLY love that they complimented the Red curtains in the massage room and the beautiful clock in the living room. We love the Marshes.

I am fulfilled.


It’s March. Josh is in school. I need a hobby. I’m bored, I’m not productive and I need to feel like I’m doing some good in the world. I hate my job, I hate my empty nights, I hate feeling like I’m not contributing to anything. I attend the Bountiful temple (because it’s “our new temple” I love that moving 15 minutes away gets me a new temple in Utah, what a blessing!). They have little cards and stations everywhere that say “we need volunteers”.

These cards are calling to me. This is what I need to do with my life. It’s like God came down and hit me in my head with a stick. He’s shouting at me “HEY AMY!!!! (do this in your best echo-y God voice) VOLUNTEER AT THE TEMPLE (-temple -emple echo) ……IT WILL SOLVE ALL YOUR PROBLEMS AND MAKE YOU HAPPY (happy appy).

I take home a card, give it a lot of thought and consideration and under the section “preferred area” I mark the baptistery (because that sure beats out laundry and cafeteria) but write that I’m willing to go anywhere I’m needed. The only thing I really know is that I do NOT want laundry or cafeteria because I do enough laundry and dishes at my house and it’s not going to make me feel any more fulfilled than I already do.

Fast forward a few months:

It’s June. I still hate my job. Josh isn’t in school, I’m not so bored. I’ve just started taking pills to help us get pregnant and I’m optimistically thinking that we’ll be pregnant soon. Like within a day or two. (ahhh….the blessed naiveté that is me) I’ve totally forgotten about the card I filled out. Brother Smith (I have no clue what his real name was…it doesn’t really matter.) called and asked if I’d be willing to work in the cafeteria. I hesitate (I knew that would happen, that’s the worst one!) then say “sure”, he says I’ll hear from "someone else" sometime soon. And by the way, thank

Fast forward to September:

I’m now working at a job I love and feeling totally fulfilled. Josh is not in school. I have no spare time (unless you count the 4-5 hours a week I spend in front of the tv……or the 5-10 hours a week I spend playing games with my husband…….or the 10-15 I waste sitting around test driving the love sac we’ve owned for a year…..those hours of course don’t count because Josh is home, so technically I’m enriching my marriage during those hours). And I am doing some other stuff that makes me feel quite fulfilled in my life. Que the “someone else” phone call. They’d like me to do Saturday afternoon (even though I marked morning) shift every other week and can I start this weekend please? Yes. Yes I can.

So Saturday I had my first shift as a volunteer cafeteria lady at the Bountiful temple. I went out and bought some brand new white “tennies” (as the cute old ladies in the temple call them) and waltzed right into the temple. I get to "work the line" (which means if you come eat there, I’ll say “What can I get for you Sister (or Brother if you’re a guy….or Sister if you’re a guy and it’s been a long day….)?” And you’ll smile at me and tell me what to put on your plate so you can eat it. Fun huh? I must say, serving in the temple, even if it is in the cafeteria, is fulfilling, even though I didn’t think I needed to be fulfilled anymore.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Doughnut Falls

My husband loves me. That's why he "kidnapped" me and took me on a hike to his favorite childhood waterfall. We ate KFC in the mountains and wandered uphill and talked about the future and stuff. This really is my idea of a perfect date and he knows and that's why he made it happen. Because he loves me.
This is why they call it doughnut falls. The water comes right through that hole in the middle, like a doughnut. You have to climb straight up the waterfall to see it though.

Josh and I at the bottom of the waterfall - some nice guy wearing a button up Ralph Lauren shirt took our picture. I wanted to say "hey, there's no way you're willing to make the hike up the middle of a waterfall if those are your 'hiking clothes'!" Instead I said, "thanks for taking our picture. Enjoy your evening."

Times like this I was I was standing over Josh so I could just tip him into the water. Also times like this I know there is no better man for me on the planet. I love my husband partly because he's cute.

Look at me all on a romantic bridge! It was a nice moment. Then Josh pushed me in the river and my shoes got all wet.
My attempt at artsy photography. I love it when the trees are so dense that the leaves can't fall clear to the ground because other trees catch them. Sigh. I love that.

Photo Tag

I guess today is the day of Tagging. Here's another fun/easy/doesn't require any major disclosure one.

You go to your 10th picture folder and get the 8th picture in there and post it!

This is one VERY cold day in.....I dunno when, my daddy made us all go try to fly a kite and it was COLD! Josh took a picture of my because "lookit my flipflops!" :)

Bag Tag

Thank you Jamie, for motivating me to clean out my filthy terrifyingly overflowing purse. :) Also, thanks for the excuse to take a photo of my incredibly cute purse that I've been wanting to take a picture of for like 6 months because I love it and it only cost $2.48! Yeah, that's right. two dollars and forty-eight cents! I rock.

For those of you who don't know, I like to have anything you might need in my purse, you know, just in case. Like what if MacGyver (thanks Stick for explaining the show to me, before Wikipedia, so I'm not lost everytime someone says his name...) came up to me and said "quick, I need an apple, 18 bobby pins, a button, and a keychain!" I'd be able to say. "OK MacGyver, sure." then spend the next 15 minutes frantically digging through my purse looking for the last 2 bobby pins that I know are in there but always seem to escape my grasp while the bad guys got away.

Now, on to the tag. Here are the instructions:
1. Show photograph of your bag/ purse and it's entire contents.
2. You are not allowed to edit contents before photographing!
3. List the contents and give descriptions.
4. Bag tag your friends.

  1. The adorable blue bag, unstructured, which is code for "holds all your hud without looking like a diaper bag". Best discovery ever.
  2. Tiny Book of Mormon. It's there because I'd like to be a good person and read it on my lunch break. Unfortunately, I usually wander temple square or read something far less inspring instead.
  3. A keychain with a blue fake rock climbing hooky thing. Thank you for the free stuff Utah Saves. I meant to put all of my work keys on it, but I haven't gotten around to it. Maybe tomorrow I'll do that.
  4. Enough bobby pins to hold up ALL of my hair in the fanciest up-do ever. Or, just to hold it in an "I'm late for work wet french twist" for 4 days in a row....usually I take them out on my way home from work because they're poking my head!
  5. Dr. Christopher's Female Reproductive Formula. I'm taking these pills to "repair my reproductive organs" and regulate my period so I can have a baby. Josh and I secretly and very irreverently call them "grow your own uterus pills". Don't tell him I told you he says that word....he'd be embarrassed.
  6. Hand sanitizer. Because other people touch my keyboard at work, and that's gross.
  7. An apple. I'm a fresh produce free-loader at work and my boss gave it to me. He's a nice fella.
  8. A box of tic tacs that really has "grow your own uterus pills" in it, I was trying to downsize, but they ran out too quickly and I decided it was a pain to refill every other day. Thus the bottle. (see number 5.)
  9. A little Alegra mirror. I figure if I had contacts I might need it sometimes but I don't. Or maybe MacGyver could use it to signal the good guys (does he work with the cops?) in a serious predicament.
  10. My cute coin purse. I get cash back at the cafeteria at work, and the change had to have a bag. It's cute huh?
  11. Chapstick.
  12. That tiny shiny thing? It's a piece of my earring that broke off about 2 weeks ago, but I didn't know where it was until just now! Yay! I love those earrings and I thought I'd never be able to wear them again. Yay!
  13. A button. Use your imagination people, this is not here because it fell off an article of clothing. I have it because when I play with playdough, I like to mold stuff in it and watch the playdough squeeze out the tiny holes. Now I just need more playdough.
  14. My Sheercover lip gloss applicator brush. Yes, I'm fancy
  15. My ID badge for work.
  16. A bluetooth earpiece that I inherited from Josh, but never use because you have to charge it.
  17. A bouncy ball that looks like an eye. It's icky, and it bounced into my purse when we were at Josh's parent's house and the kids were playing with a million of them. I hate that thing and it's not coming back in.
  18. My memory stick reader. Because you never know when you'll wish you could see the photo you just took.
  19. My wallet. It's a man wallet. I wish it was cute like Jamie's, but I have yet to find a cute wallet.
  20. My red bag filled with necessities. Toothpaste/brush. Fingernail clippers/file. Tampon. And the big sticker from a book of stamps on the outside. It rolled around in my purse for a like a week and somehow stuck itself on there, I haven't bothered to remove it.
  21. 2 thumb drives. 1 with documents, 1 with a Nintendo Emulator on it - Josh wanted me to hold it for him like 2 weeks ago. Also not coming back in the purse.
  22. My camera. Jamie turned me into a shutterbug and I love it.
  23. Pens and pencils. 1 is a SWAG item from the health fair, the others are residents.
  24. Keys
  25. A tiny "first aid kit" read: q-tips with alcohol in them, and bandaids.
  26. Lip gloss. Not my favorite color, it looks a little orange on me, but what are you gonna do? When you buy lip gloss you have to use it, so I leave it in my purse for lipgloss emergencies (which happen once every 4 years) hoping that I'll use it all so I can have a new kind.

And that's it folks. I know you were dying to know all 26 items in my purse, and now you do. Truthfully I think it's more telling than I'd like to admit, but whatever. :)

I tag, Julie, Cathy, Mal, Aubrie, BreAnne, Katie, Laura, Misty, Hailey, Jessica, Jenni, and Stick (please tag your sister Keri....I blog stalk her and wanna know what's in her purse...) and anybody else who wants to do it.

Monday, October 20, 2008

That game I lost....

Today we had fun FHE. Josh and I played Attika. He won the first game in like 5 minutes. But, then we played again. I blocked Josh left and right, he blocked me, and for the first time EVER the game was won by building all of the tiles. Here was the board.

Now, if you don't know the point of the game, it's to make the "capitols" connect with your color of tiles by building them. There are only 2 capitols, the strange looking tiles in the picture above. I was red, and Josh was blue.

This is Josh's "I WON!" face. He's rubbin' it in.

This is my board, I needed just 1 card to be able to build the 2 last tiles, but he BARELY beat me to it. Ugh. Maybe next time.
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I cooked!

This weekend I cooked and oh man did it feel good. I always forget how good real food tastes. Paul at work asked me if I would like some corn from his garden, and did I EVER! There's just nothing like fresh veggies, I shucked it myself and everything. Hopefully someday we'll have garden and we can pick it and shuck it in the same day! Until then, we're VERY thankful for those who are so willing to share their goods with us.

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Sometimes, you just KNOW you nailed dinner, and that's good.
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Wednesday, October 15, 2008

I love my family and here’s why:

Every year we draw names for Christmas in my family, sometimes we pretend it’s a secret and sometimes we don’t. This year, we’ve finally converted to rotating (and of course non-secreting). We’re always changing the way we do Christmas as our family changes, and here’s part of the e-mail chain of decisions this year:

I'm having trouble remembering how we do sibling gifts. Did we decide that we give them to the whole family or just to the couple of sibling and spouse, or is it just the sibling?


That's a good point Nate. What does everyone think about doing couple gifts instead of family gifts?

Sometimes you can find one thing that is good for the whole family but it would be easier to focus on the adults. I just don't want the kids left out...not that Ryann's old enough understand the difference.

Hmmm, I guess I could go either way on that one. Let me know what you think. I'm fine with a 25 or 30 dollar limit.

old man spence [He’s the Grinch in the family. Also, he’s not into presents.] says that he wants more presents and who cares about the kids on christmas, he thought about kicking out the in-laws, but i disagree. so basically he says it should be just the adults and the kids will get plenty of other christmas. but that's just what spence says.

what does everyone else say?

We have Nate, so it makes no difference to us. Also, I'd like to take a moment to recognize the "un-scrooge-like" nature of the Old Man Spence comment. Oh wait, it wasn't un-scrooge-like at all...nevermind. No recognition for you. Since we have no babies, and we have Nate who has no babies, we really don't care either way. I say those of you with kids duke it out.

all emily has to say, yes it was very scrooge-like, i am glad you withdrew your recognition that he did NOT deserve. :)

Children, please be good and don't fight!

Yo Mama

How about doing just the kids and not Spence? Just kidding. Couples is approved by us. Ry ry will get other presents from Santa.


That’s funny. I’m laughing about this string of e-mails right now. Couples works for me. Are we all excited for Christmas?? We’ve been listening to Christmas music for two weeks now. My boys like Feliz Navidad and the Alvin and the Chipmunks songs best. They like to yell “ALVIN!!” It really gets me in the Christmas spirit.

Some things are just DESIGNED that way

I've discovered that there are some items that are just designed poorly. It has nothing to do with me, nothing to do with my flaws and problems. In some situations it's truly not my fault! It's the item's fault and there isn't a dang thing I can do about it.

Like when I walked up the tiny narrow staircase in the middle of the building and felt like I took up the whole thing? That's just because the staircase is actually physically a good 18 inches narrower than the normal staircases. In real life. Whew! What a relief, I thought I had grown 18 inches wider over night!

What else can I apply this to?
Well, those jeans that used to fit me just right? They are actually physically 10 inches narrower than they used to be. Which means it's actually fantastic that I can still squeeze into them, rather than depressing that they're tight.
The bag of M&M's that intentionally makes me feel like I've only had 2 or 3 when in real life I've had 20 or 30? Yes, that is the fault of the M&M people.
The recipe for chicken pot pie that was amazing last winter? The fact that it turned black and icky when I left it in the oven for an extra 30 minutes has nothing to do with me. It's the recipe's fault. (Sorry Aubrie, it's flawed.)
My camera taking "snapshots" instead of "portraits" and "photos"? I blame Sony completely.

The list could go on and on, but I'll spare you. Just know what I know: That in real life, it's not my fault! and that is fantastic news.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Christmas music? I think not.

Dear Pandora,

“Celebrate Good Times!” is not a Christmas song. I may have mistakenly ‘thumbs upped’ something inappropriate, but this is not a reasonable punishment for mis-clicking. You should read Parenting With Love and Logic so you learn better punishments, this one was not appropriate.

Thank you,


I am losing my mind. Really. Really really. I’m sitting in an office, out in the hallway (which is cinderblock and hard floors a man is painting. It sound as if he’s shaking a spray paint can the size of my chair. Instead of that cute little tapping sound that comes from a spray paint can, it’s an enormous rattling.

He’s been doing it for an hour.

I’m trying to train my Christmas station on Pandora, but I can’t hear the songs to give them a ‘thumbs up’ or ‘thumbs down’. I think I just accidentally ‘thumbs upped’ that “Happy Christmas War is Over” song that I can’t stand, that is truly tragic. My entire Holiday Season could be ruined by this error and it’s all Paint Guy’s fault.

He won’t stop.

I can’t hear the phone ring.

He’s still going.

I can hear the echo of the rattling in my brain. It rattles around in my skull.

Rattle rattle rattle.

He’s slowing down, now, his arm must be getting tired.

Maybe if I’m lucky it will fall off.

They are doing flu shots, so maybe he’ll get a flu shot and his arm will hurt so bad he can’t shake it anymore.

Rattle rattle…….rattlerattlerattle…..rattle..rattle……..rattle…rattle he’s not even consistent. I’m losing it!!!

Monday, October 13, 2008

Me: 2 Josh: 2

There are some things in my life that need to be documented. Some things can fly under the radar, but every once in a while I just have to stand up on my chair, raise my arms in the air, and shout “I won!!!!!”

The first winter that Josh and I were dating, I started a life-long snowball fight. I threw the first snowball of the season at him, and NAILED him right in the back. He proceeded to white wash me and got me 10 times more than I got him, but I’ve always maintained that no matter how many snowballs he throws at me (quite a few) he will never be able to take away that I got the first one of our relationship and that’s worth like 10 million others.

Each year since that, we race to see who gets to throw the first snowball of the season. Usually it involves a drive up the canyon early in the fall so we can find snow earlier than it’s at our house, but this year that just hasn’t happened. We’re lazy.

The first snowfall in the valley was Sunday and we woke up and Katy and Randy’s house. I saw the snow and tried to wake up Josh to get him to come play in it with me, but he was too tired and wouldn’t get up. So, I went outside and brought a tiny little “snowball” inside to throw at him while he was still in bed. It was like the size of a pea because I didn’t want to ruin Katy’s house or be irreverent. He told me it didn’t count, even thought it hit him right in the face (I suck at aim, so that was pretty impressive). So, after he finally rolled his lazy butt off the air mattress, I went outside and got a real snowball, packed it real good (so it wouldn’t make a big mess) and came back in to throw it at him. I NAILED him again!

I swear, nothing is more gratifying than watching the perfect snowball hit somebody RIGHT where you aimed and watching it break apart into snow and falling on the ground (or in this case, my sister’s hardwood floor….). HOWEVER, this year, I think the look on Josh’s face might have topped all of that.

The total scores are now tied (unless you count the first snowball as 1,000 and I think you should, in which case it’s 1,001 to 2). And all I have to say is:

WA HOOOO!!!!!! I WON!!!!!

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Party animals!

Josh and I are party animals. You can tell because we drove home this morning in the same clothes we were wearing last night.

We went to play with Kate and Rand (which is always a party) and stayed up way past our bedtime, and WAY past our "I'm still a safe driver" time, and crashed at their place. They're so nice like that! Randy even blew up and air matress with his very own lungs for us to sleep on. They're just that kind of people.

After some games of Attika, and Crazy Quandries, we did our regular round of Spades (which somehow the guys won, dispite them bidding only 5 EVERY SINGLE ROUND!) and got some sleep.

This mornign I had story time with Ryann, which was adorable. I have to say, I wish I woke up and read stories with such an adorable redhead every single day.
Oh wait, that's not her.
Yes, that's much better.


How was my first week teaching Relief Society to grown ups who are more mature, intelligent, and spiritual than I am? Embarrassing. Thank you for asking. I don't want to talk about it.

However, I do want to write about it because somehow, the fact that you're reading this in a room that I'm not in, and I can't see you snickering at my stupidity, makes it less embarrassing to tell you about.

I learned from the first time I spoke in church as a grown up that I am the kind of person who needs to have the appropriate words planned and written/memorized before they come out of my mouth. Otherwise I wind up saying stupid things that aren't even true. Like the time I told everybody that Josh isn't romantic.

Today the lesson started out OK because I had already planned what I was saying. I talked about watering plants and how I'm not good at it, they laughed when I told them I sunburned a palm tree (as they should have), I applied it to trials, and that was all fine.  But, then I got into the discussion part of the lesson and it all went downhill from there.

I really think that Relief Society should be a discussion rather than a lecture, but the problem is that you can't script a discussion. I was totally at the mercy of the others in the class. What I thought would be a "guided by the spirit" lesson totally backfired and turned into a "I didn't prepare so how about you tell me what you think instead" lesson. And that's bad.

At one point I was sharing a couple of quotes from General Conference talks (which by the way were ALL made to be quoted during this lesson on trials) and a member of the Presidency commented about how Joseph Smith was such a great example of faith. I totally felt like I was being "gently guided" by her to get back on track and only talk about the stuff in the manual, and that made me flustered. So, I totally rerouted my train of thought and frantically looked through the book for one of the times I was quoting Joseph Smith and even though it didn't fit, I brought it up anyway.

By the end of the lesson I felt flustered, unorganized, out of control, and DEFINITELY not guided by the Spirit. I sat down and just wanted to cry. Hard. Somehow I made it through Sunday School without crying, but in Sacrament Meeting I couldn't handle it anymore. We left early because I was embarrassed and sad and all I really wanted to do was come home and cry in my bed and make Josh tell me it was OK becuase nobody ever listens anyway and nobody will remember what a fool I am.

So, the lesson wasn't great, don't ask me about it, I'll cry in front of you and feel stupid about that too.

Friday, October 10, 2008


Sometimes I just need to “come clean” and get some stuff off my chest. So, here it is.

Do you ever pretend you don’t see something so you won’t have to take care of it? I do.

Exhibit A: Yesterday I opened the dishwasher to get out a clean spoon. I took out my spoon and closed the dishwasher so I could pretend that I forgot there were clean dishes in there and Josh would have to put them all away. Only problem is that the latch on the soap-holder-thingy only releases the first time you open the dishwasher after running it’s cycle. If you open it again, the thing doesn’t flip down and you know that if the dishes in there are clean, somebody else already opened it. I can’t get away with anything.

Exhibit B: There is a drawer at work that has a million of those tabs that you put on hanging folders and the labels that slide in them. They were once organized by color in envelopes, but as people used them, they’ve fallen out and made a mess. The envelopes were all in a shallow cardboard box. I took it upon myself to beautify this drawer and put the stuff in small containers. When I lifted the cardboard box, there were strips and single labels all over the place. Instead of organizing them and putting them in a stack, I put the cardboard box back on top of them and pretended I didn’t notice so I wouldn’t have to clean them up.

Exhibit C: The clock in the bathroom where I get ready for the day has been slow for like 3 weeks. The battery is dying so it would take 4 -5 seconds for 1 second to pass. I didn't care because it gave me an excuse to be late. I finally replaced the battery yesterday.

Exhibit D: Our smoke alarm has been chirping for like a week. Somehow it only chirps int he middle of the night though. I thought at first I was just dreaming that it was chirping, but after about day 3 I decided it was real. The smoke detector is WAY up high in our ceiling and I'm a pretty little girl who is afraid of ladders. So I've ignored that and pretended that I still think I was just dreaming it.

Other times I do stuff that ordinarily would not be appropriate but I decide that I don't mind in the moment.

Exhibit A: I ate ice cream and corn dogs for dinner last night. What I really wanted was peanut M&M’s from Costco, and I’ve been waiting until “Thursday” to go buy them because I had a$2 off coupon and it wasn’t effective until then. They only had regular M&M’s and those bug me. So, instead I bought a Costco sized box of Fat Boys instead. I ate one for dinner, then remembered that I was cold and microwaved a corn dog and ate that for dinner.

Exhibit B: I pushed, not gently nudged, but pushed Josh over in bed last night because he kept getting closer and closer to my side until there was nothing left of "my side". I would’ve just gone over to his side and switched, but it was cold last night and I didn’t wanna get out of bed. Plus when the alarm goes off in the morning, he turns it off instead of snoozing it and I’m always late when he's on the wrong side. I pushed my back against the night stand, and put my hands and feet against him and pushed with all the strength my frozen 3AM body had (not much). When he didn’t budge, I rolled him over until he was on the very edge of his side. Then came over to his side to get warm. This morning he could argue that I was on his side. But he started it! I’m a bad person.

Exhibit C: We listened to Christmas music this morning. I blame Costco because we also looked at decorations last night because they had no M&Ms. I love Christmas music.

Exhibit D: Last night was the first time I closed the windows in like 2 weeks. They've been not only unlocked, but wide open for that long. Day and night, night and day, rain or sun, whether we're home or not. The only reason I closed them yesterday was that I was too cold by 8:00 and knew I wouldn't last the whole night, I was right. It was cold. My house is now secure, all windows are closed and locked. So don't think you can go around sneaking in. Not that you'd have any reason to come in because we've already established that I have no M&Ms and that's the most valuable thing you'd ordinarily find in my house.

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Gee Ricky....

Have you seen the movie “Better Off Dead”? If not, you probably should. Mostly because then you’ll understand what it means when someone says “you like raisins!” or “do you realize what the street value of this mountain must be?” or “I want my 2 dollars!” or “my mom’s in the shower, my grandma dropped acid and highjacked a bus full of penguins, and my little brother got his arm caught in the microwave come back later ok?” or makes any reference to skiing the K12.

Also, you’ll understand how incredibly un-awkward your life really is in comparison with John Cusack’s life. One of my favorite lines however is after Ricky’s mom lights a cigarette after having her face soaked in gasoline or alcohol or something. John Cusack and “Ricky” are sitting on the couch and John Cusack says “Gee Ricky. I’m real sorry your mom blew up.”

Sometimes that’s how I feel. You know that awkward moment right after someone tells you something horrible? Especially when it’s not someone you know that well, so it’s not like you can cry with them and give them a hug. Not like you can say how much you love them, or stroke their hair until they feel better. You have to say something, but “gee Scott, sorry your dad has cancer” just doesn't do it.

What are you supposed to say? I’d like to offer my love and support in some way, but I just don’t know this guy that well. What is a girl supposed to say when a co-worker says “sorry, I’m just not thinking straight because we just found out my dad has cancer.”

I guess now I know how people feel when I write posts about not having the babies I want.  Serves me right. Lesson learned. No more crazy sad/depressing/intimate posts from least not this week.

Monday, October 6, 2008


As a general rule I consider myself a fairly intelligent human being. Of course I have my incredibly unintelligent moments.

Like the time I got on I-80 W instead of I-15 N and didn't realize it until Grantsville.
Or the time I lost a bet with Josh because I KNEW that Batman didn't really have a "bat cave".
Or the time my sisters and I were playing school and Sarah told me that instead of having "only 30 minutes" for 'recess' I could have "half an hour" and I happily skipped away.

But those stories do not mean I am unintelligent. I was a good student in school, and I like to read. Plus I own a pair of glasses that I wear occasionally, and that means I'm intelligent.

The fact that it took me a ruler, a husband, and 25 minutes to complete this "idiot test" has nothing to do with it.

Saturday, October 4, 2008


I hate to be biased, but I really think that President Uchtdorf is the greatest thing since sliced bread.  Every time he speaks I'm surprised at how much I love him and enjoy his talks.  I love the power with which he bears testimony, and maybe it's just that this go-round he seems to be speaking on what to do with life is hard, but it always seems like he has a message that really applies to me.

Today during his talk I was driving through the rainstorm from Salt Lake to Lindon and at one point was fairly certain I was going to die because between the tears in my eyes and the rain on the windshield, visibility was low.

The story about his mother searching for her lost children really struck a cord with me because lately that's what I feel like I'm doing. Searching for my lost children that just haven't made it into my home yet. I feel like I'm looking for the train car that has my kids on it and for some reason, it's hiding from me and that breaks my heart.

As he continued the story and pointed out that his mother had hope, and that motivated her to move.  She searched tirelessly until she found them.  She didn't just sit down and cry because it was so hard (which I know I've done a time or two....but certainly not 3!) she ran around looking and searching because she had faith which overcame fear. I love how he phrased it when he said: "weighed down with worry, desperate prayers filled her heart....she searched frantically while hoping against hope that the train had not already departed." He goes on to describe and define hope. "It is the abiding trust that the Lord will fullfill his promises to us....Confidence that if we live ccording to God's laws and the words of his prophets now that we will receive desired blessing in the future. It is believing and expecting that our prayers will be answered."

What a fantastically motivating talk! I am teaching Relief Society in church on Sunday and the lesson is Joseph Smith's Standing Strong Through Life's Trials. All of a sudden I'm excited for this lesson and I hope that I can share that same spirit of hope and faith that President Uchtdorf always spreads.
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