Judgement Day

I went to my hometown today for a baby shower for my very best friend from "way back when".

I fretted and stewed all morning about the event. OK if we're being honest it was more than just this morning..... You know when you see people you haven't seen in a long time and then you see them for a little while and you judge them based on what you see during that time? It's not a mean judgement, in fact we usually call it "catching up" because it sounds less....judgmental. But really you're just trying to figure out if their life is as screwed up as you knew it would be based on their rotten-ness at age 14.

This is the concept that triggered the fretting and stewing. What to wear? What to say? Hair up or down? Embrace the "dead mommy" look or try to fool them with a quick stop at Glamour Shots first? (Ha! Who knew that place still exists? Wow!)

Anyway, I was a bit paranoid. These people will look at me and who knows what they'll see?
Same haircut.
Cheap clothes.
Late.
Frazzled.
Still refuses to wear shoes that cost more than $2.
Won't keep her mouth shut for more than 2 seconds.
Never learned how to properly eat an éclair. We had etiquette dinners....why didn't they teach us how to properly stuff our faces? Rude.

Add the baby to the mix and my skills as a mother are also in question.
What if he pukes?
What if I'm not cute enough with him?
What if he doesn't like me while we're there?
What if he hasn't slept and cries the whole time?
What if I can't comfort him?
What if he likes other people more than me?
What if someone sees me pick up the binkie off the floor and stick it in his mouth?

I walked from my old house to her old house for the first time in more than 5 years. A road that used to be very familiar and now is strange and foreign. The trees have grown, people planted flowers where there used to be weeds and the "dark and scary corner" which was abandoned and street-lamp-less is now developed and lovely. Lived in by complete strangers. On MY street.

I stood on her porch and knocked with a baby in my arms and my mommy at my side.

I used to come in and head straight to the attic which we deemed our hang out.

Today Marci, Grandmother of the baby, (Who, by the way, is an angel. One time when I got married to Josh it was July, and my cake lady was coming from far away. And it was July. And we were in Utah. And it was July. And guess what? The cake melted. You know....because it was July. Totally melted. And Marci said "let's just make more fondant and put it over a pan, nobody will know the difference." And she did. And it was lovely. Because she rescued my cake.) welcomed us into her lovely home and fed us lovely food and we all had lovely conversation.

My child, who had completely missed a nap and should have been exceedingly grouchy, was an angel. I think he even smiled at a few people and only spit up on one baby loving woman who did NOT throw him across the room and gag. Also I happened to have a cloth on hang just in case. Judge THAT!

Also he has some horrible rashy thing on his lower lip which I'm sure makes it looks like he's diseased or something....so maybe they think my child is diseased because of my slobish tendencies. The rash wasn't there yesterday. It made an appearance just for The Judgement. My mom thinks it's due to the lip sucking. Any cures for lip-sucking rashes?

Tommy was sweet.
The people I haven't seen in a hundred years were sweet. (And you'll be glad to know that they are all wildly successful and happy and put together and beautiful and even the queen of judging (me) couldn't find a thing wrong with any of them. They've exceeded my high expectations for their perfect lives. Every. Single. One of them.
Carly, the soon-to-be mother, was sweet. She's probably one of the most gracious people I've ever known. And she's a perfect hostess spending appropriate amounts of time with all her guests and making people feel comfortable and un-hosted. She was always that way. Just one reason I loved her so dearly.

It was a lovely afternoon, and as an added bonus I got to spend the rest of the day with my mom. Which is always lovely.

So since I'm not completely mortified over anything that happened (I have a strict "ignore all rashes and puke" policy...life's better that way), I suppose I'll just assume I passed.

It's easier than assuming I failed.