Monday, April 9, 2012


Let's set the record straight. Feeding an infant is wildly inconvenient and often a royal pain in the backside. No matter how you do it. Formula, bottle, pumping, nursing, at home in your pajamas, or in public. The very nature of it is inconvenient.

However, as we settled into a routine I learned to like nursing.

During those first few days with Tommy while I whined and worried about nursing him, my mom told me that "one of these days, you'll feed him and he'll just raise his hand up and rest it on your chest while he eats." she sighed and got a far off look in her eyes.

She had no idea that wouldn't ever happen with Tommy. But I understood what she meant. "This will get more natural and go more smoothly. You are capable of caring for this child. You have what he needs." That was the intent. And she was right. I am capable of caring for that child.

So although I wasn't making much milk I was happy to be able to nurse John. It was wildly inconvenient, often painful and definitely a royal pain in the backside. But for the past month or so I've really enjoyed it. I like snuggling up to him with his arm wrapped around me. I like feeling connected and capable. I like it when he stops sucking just long enough to look up and smile at me. At me!

But I just wasn't making much. At all. And I couldn't face the pump again. And I was nursing and formula-ing and it wasn't worth it for him to get less than an ounce every feeding.

So I'm kissing the crappy nursing bras and wardrobe restrictions goodbye. Farewell to the accidental flashing of strangers, the struggling under a blanket and the awkward "did I just leak milk?" moments.

It's over little man. We had a good run, but now....

We're free.

Thank goodness! and Dang it!


  1. Love it. :)

    You know, I think that's going to be my advice to all new mothers from now on: "There ain't nothin' natural about it!"

    I was just talking to a new mom a couple of days ago and asked how she was feeling now, a few weeks into it, because she had such a rough time at the beginning. She said, "You know, I think I'm getting it. But it's so hard. I thought everything would be so natural and it's just not! But I'm learning."

    She totally summed up the last 4.5 years of my life!

    Anyway...I'm glad that you had a better (?) run with John. It was better, right? That's what I got out of this post. :)

    Congratulations on your freedom! It's bittersweet whenever it happens.

    1. Definitely DEFINITELY better - as in it happened at all. It was over with Tommy by 2 weeks in, so I'm calling 5 months more than 10 times better. :)

      Do you think it's natural for anybody? Because it LOOKS natural for some people - but I'm not sure it FEELS natural for them....

    2. I've nursed babies for 40 months (3.3 years). It was a lot more natural with Miriam than with Rachel but there was still a learning curve. With Rachel we struggled for MONTHS but eventually it got to feel natural. wasn't like, "Oh, I know exactly what to do. This is awesome!" It was like, "Uhhh...what the what?"

      I like nursing NOW. But I didn't for the first like...5 months of Rachel's life.

      Anyway...I'm glad you had a good run. :)

  2. I felt the same way when I quit nursing Shiloh. I was drying up and not making much milk, so it was not a hard decision, but I was feeling a bit morose about the leaving the closeness and connectedness I felt while nursing, but at the same time also feeling some relief to be able to stay completely dressed to feed my child. It is a very oxy-moronic feeling to have. Glad that it went better the second time around for you. I am hoping this time that it goes better for this next one for me. I won't hold my breath though ;)

  3. Freedom!!!!!!!!!
    And a little sniff.
    You are correct.


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