Thursday, December 1, 2011

John: 1 Month

John has me completely whooped after just a month of him in my life. He is a sweet sweet baby.

He's sleeping sometimes. But is on no real schedule yet. Part of this is because I can't bear to wake him up even if I should. I can't do it because there's no guarantee he'll go back down and when he's asleep I am either playing with Tommy or working.  During the day he usually eats every 3 or 4 hours, and if I get him to really fall asleep he'll sleep for 3 hours. At night it takes at least an hour to feed him then he goes back down for sometimes 2 hours and sometimes 5 hours. There's just no telling. This is the hardest part for me because I'm a bit psychotic and I NEEEEED a schedule.  And besides, I know he needs to sleep.

Being a mother of 2 is kicking my butt. I feel like I can barely keep my head above water and I'm just praying that we don't have a bad day because I won't be able to deal with it. I am constantly choosing which of my adorable children to take care of, and I really hate that. However, now that Tommy doesn't always hate John, I love to see the two of them be brothers. And I really love it when Tommy is "so soft!" with John.

Breastfeeding is hard. Pumping is hard. Formula is hard. They are also all beautiful glorious things. I'm doing all 3.
I love breastfeeding him when it's easy. I love it when Tommy is asleep and I can just sit on the couch and watch my beautiful child move. I love to cuddle him and snuggle and kiss his soft head. I love that part - it just seems like that rarely happens.
Pumping is awesome when I get something and I look at a couple of ounces of my milk in a bottle and feel all accomplished and amazing.
Formula is still smelly and sticky and gross and filled with guilt and pain. I hate it. But how nice is it to take an empty bottle and a formula dispenser to the grocery store and know that if John starts to cry I can just feed him while we walk around and he'll be fine? So SO nice.

Nobody is sleeping and everybody is ornery. (Mostly me.) But I really shouldn't complain when it's this sweet face keeping me up.

John sometimes stops eating just to smile at me and I swear my heart melts so fast I could sell that smile as a "quick boil" feature on a kitchen appliance.

I still think John is a carbon copy of Tommy at this age. One of the following pictures is Tommy and one is John. Can you tell which is which?

I've had a ridiculous amount of help this time around. If I paid my mom by the hour (or even reimbursed her for gas) she'd be a millionaire. I just feel like I can't pull it all together this time around. We have good days when we get out of the house or do productive things, but I still feel like I can't get on top of everything. I feel like I'm letting far too many things go and I don't really see that ending soon. I'm sure that eventually we'll fall into a rhythm, but right now everything is so chaotic that I don't understand how any human being has more than two kids. 

The bottom line is that this is exhausting and hard and incredibly rewarding. Because in what other job do you get to take a million pictures of two boys "bumping it" over their joint favorite panda bear? 


  1. 2 was my hardest and it didn't get easier until number 2 started crawling and they started playing together. That was at 7 months. Before then, I felt like all day everyday was a crises. And my #2 baby NEVER slept. She still never sleeps, actually. does get better. So much better, that when I had baby number 3, the first two played so well together that I had all the time I needed to care for the baby. After I got two working well, things have been smooth.

  2. He is SO precious! I am sure you are doing an amazing job, even if it does feel chaotic. They do settle into a good routine and I am sure you will be there soon. Hang in there, Amy! Your boys are beautiful and we love you!

  3. So which one is which? I'm guessing John top, Tommy bottom? Better label all your pictures really well! And btw, I'm so scared to have two kids now! Most of the time I feel like just having my single child in the terrible twos is really honestly going to kill me. But then the bumping it picture makes me jealous. That is so to die for cute!! :D

  4. I agree with Diane that going from one to two was much harder than going from two to three. Once you learn how to divide your attention (without feeling guilty about it!) you will feel much better about things. It took me several months with two before I realized that nobody was going to be psychologically damaged if they had to wait 10 or 20 minutes for me to get them a snack or change their diaper. In fact, it is good for them.

    I love this quote, and I think of it often when I am feeling over-committed and stressed about the amount of things I have taken on.

    "My dear sisters, do not pray for tasks equal to your abilities, but pray for abilities equal to your tasks. Then the performance of your tasks will be no miracle, but you will be the miracle."
    -Thomas S. Monson

  5. John is on top. Tommy's on the bottom. I can see that they are brothers, but there is definitely a difference.

    I am impressed with how well you are doing, dear friend. One month with one baby was kicking your butt, if you recall.

    The beauty of having siblings is in learning to divide and share and fight and make up. Guilt is reserved for sin, so don't buy it! Just keep loving them. You're doing great!

    Aundrea (via Ash)


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