Answers to prayers ?????

I'm so confused. And I'm finding no peace, and I'm pretty sure these big decisions are keeping my husband up at night.

So we found the perfect house? What now? Well, we made an offer on it, they countered back, we accepted, and now we're under contract ready to close in 9 days. Yesterday we had it inspected. Nothing surprising found there. Then last night Josh and I met Gabe up there to walk through it. Keep in mind this is only the 2nd time we've seen it. And the first time we walked through the one across the street - so our memories have a right to be inaccurate.

We got there and Gabe let us in. The first thing we noticed was the smell of dog (and garlic which we later decided was Josh because he went to Buca di Beppo for lunch). They have an inside dog, it's been in its kennel every time we've been there, but homes with dogs have a smell. So, we looked at the carpet, and they kinda grossed Josh out. They weren't bad, they just need to be cleaned. "Your husband has the ability and access to a carpet machine! That's an easy fix!" you say. You'd be right because that's what I said too. And then Josh said he was sad because he doesn't have a way to move a carpet machine because he crashed his truck. So we might just pay someone to do that. :( No big deal, all carpets have to be cleaned.

Then we wander through the house, Josh notices that the tub is shallow, which bugs him, but he'll get over it. The "solid surface counter tops" we remembered were from the one across the street. He garage really is as small as we remembered. The 2nd bedroom really is small. Etc etc etc. I was a little worried about this. I knew I fell in love with it, and made it to be PERFECT in my head and it probably really wasn't, and I thought we'd be a little disappointed walking through it again. But, I liked it overall. It's still new, nice, and good for 2 people to live in.

When our agent met the inspector out there, a nice man came to post notice of trustee sale on the door. Which means if we don't buy this home, they lose it at a trustee's sale. I got excited about that and thought maybe we could bail on our contract and get it for cheaper at the trustee sale. I told Josh that, he got excited, we talked to Gabe about it and he said no. Not only does he think it's morally wrong, he doesn't think we could pull it off. We wouldn't save much money (if any) we'd have to come up with $5,000 certified funds to even bid on it, and then fund it within 24 hours. No way is it even possible. Josh was disappointed in that too. In all, it was kindof a disappointing walk through. We both thought so, but it's still so beautiful! It's so much better than what we have and beats renting without even trying!

We got in the car after walking through and talked about how nervous it made Josh. He was all for it until he was walking through again, and then he felt weird about it. I told him I was all for it too, but I didn't feel weird so much.

My problem is that when we were first looking, we saw this unit in Sandy. It wasn't new, or nice, but it had 3 bedrooms and a yard and a bigger garage. It had a bad kitchen (just not what I wanted), and a lot of yard work/landscaping to be done. The fence needed to be replaced. There weren't the neighborhood amenities, it's farther from work, etc. So, we thought the easy choice was the nicer, newer, closer, slightly smaller unit. But I can't get that stupid Sandy house out of my head! I keep brushing it off thinking it's just wondering what might have been. I didn't like the neighborhood in Sandy, but it is closer to our parents, we could grow into it more, and we don't need to live in a nice new house right now. We're good at slummin' it.

As we talked, I told Josh I keep thinking about the Sandy condo, and he said he kinda does too. But the more we talked the less sense it made. This North Salt Lake House is great! And if we have a bunch of babies and have to move soon (like within 3 years) then we'll still be better off than if we rented and we can get into something bigger then. Right now we don't need 3 small bedrooms, we'd rather a bigger living room. That'll change someday, but for now, this North Salt Lake house is great!

So, we talked ourselves in circles and tried to decide if we're scared because it's a big deal or if we're scared because it isn't right. We've been praying to be guided, is this a form of guiding? Or is this normal jitters? Is it Satan tempting us not to do something we should? Or are we being told that it isn't right for us right now? How do you tell the difference? How do we know if Josh is just disappointed because the garage is tiny and he bragged about the solid surface counter tops that are really formica, or if he's disappointed because it's not great for us? How do we know if we bail these people out or if we should hold out for a better deal? I'm bad at making decisions, I always have been, but I didn't know Josh was as bad at is as I am. He keeps saying "we'll just do it." and that's why we're under contract, but then we both come back having doubts! Until we talk about it. Then we feel good. Are we talking ourselves into something that we shouldn't? Arg!!! We're bad at this, and I just don't know how to get around that.

I'm just so discouraged and confused, but excited and I really want it at the same time - adding to the confusion and the vicious cycle begins again. I just need to know if we're really going to go through with this!!!