Better

It's funny (not 'ha ha', but 'interesting') because these feelings were not what I anticipated feeling with Ron's death. They were what I felt. But not what I thought I'd feel. I didn't expect to feel so surprised and so sad.  But I did.

I'm coming around to the peaceful part of death. The "it's better there" part. The part about how "I'm thankful to know what I know." This part is better and I'm thankful for it.

Yes, it's hard.
Yes, I'm sad for the things we're going to miss out on now.
Yes, it's sad when someone so young dies.
But.
He's in a better place. Really he is. He was miserable here. He was sick and uncomfortable and in pain and that tends to make a person miserable. I feel like he's a better person now. I feel like he's more capable of things that he wasn't before - not just physically but emotionally.

Most recently his kidneys started failing and he was holding water like.....I dunno, something that holds a lot of water. That big water slide at 7-peaks where it fills up with water and it all comes and shoots down on you at the beginning. That thing. (its' called the Flash Flood). They (the kidneys, not the water slides) had pretty much completely stopped working. That is on top of his "regular" sickness. He had diabetes and couldn't walk, couldn't stand, couldn't function.

Now he can. And I'm glad for that.

So, today the hurt and pain and sadness has been replaced with hope and faith and relief and I'm glad for that.