A few stories about Josh

Do you think when Thomas comes I'll talk more about him or Josh? I think it's a toss-up....probably the combination of the two will put the blogging world on overload.

One thing I love about Josh is that he likes people. That's also one thing that makes me crazy.

I get depressed and anxious if I haven't spent a "proper night at home" in a week ("proper night at home" means that Josh and I are both there with nothing on the calendar and nobody coming over. I can do whatever I feel like and remember why we pay our mortgage (because we live there)).

He gets anxious and cabin-fevery if he hasn't gone out and done something with someone in a week. For that reason (along with many others) I will swear for the rest of my life that Josh is the social one in this relationship.

And here's my evidence:

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Exhibit A:


Last night Josh and I came home and dutifully split the chores. I was working laundry duty/Costco-putter-awayer/music nazi while Josh took over dishes/kitchen/clutter duty. Don't judge me. It's a much more equal split than you think it is.

Josh left to take out the trash, I continued with my jobs. Until they were finished. Then I started on his jobs. Until they were finished. And then I realized that he'd been gone for 45 minutes.......taking out the trash......the outside garbage can is exactly 13 steps away from the front door. I know because I counted.

I filled up another bag of garbage (so I'd have an excuse to go outside to make sure he wasn't dead on the sidewalk or something....because a wife needs an excuse to check on her husband if he really is OK which is more probable than him being dead on the sidewalk. If he was dead on the sidewalk I wouldn't need an excuse, but if he was alive and well I definitely needed an excuse and because it doesn't take 45 minutes to take out the trash doesn't count.) and headed outside to check for dead Joshes.

There weren't any.

But he was leaning up against the car chatting with Cassie, our neighbor who was taking her smoke break.

Reassured that my husband was alive and well I went back inside. I had finished all of my jobs and his, and I wasn't invited to this conversation, so I sat on the couch and read until he came back in.

30. minutes. later.

He cornered our neighbor and talked to her for an hour and 15 minutes.

Only he probably said no more than 10 words the entire time. Not because she's an overbearing talker, but because he's an overbearing listener.

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Exhibit B: 

Josh goes to Corporate to interview with some lady in HR so they can tell him they'd like him to move to Montana.

This is a woman who spends 8 hours/day interviewing people for jobs she knows nothing about. She is interviewing them strictly to be sure they are not psycho-killers or crazy-people. She has a full time job talking to strangers and finding out important details about their lives.

Josh calls me after this interview and I ask him how it was. His response?

"Oh it was great! She was so nice. She has 2 kids one in Jr. High and the other one going into 5th grade, I can't remember which one is the boy and which is the girl. I guess the dad isn't in the picture anymore because blah blah blah blah........ Oh and she told me about this restaurant where......blah blah blah....one time when she was 13 she......blah blah blah......."

This went on for quite some time before I remembered that SHE was supposed to be interviewing HIM. "Yeah? And what'd you tell her about you?" I asked.

"We didn't really talk much about me. I just sorta kept asking her questions."

Poor lady probably didn't even know what hit her. She probably had to go back to her boss and say "Well, I bet he's fine cuz he's from Utah, so he might be mormon,.......but I never got to ask him anything about himself because somehow he made me talk about me the whole time without really noticing."

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Exhibit C:

Sometimes after church I see a guy open his wife's door for her and I get a little jealous. And then I remember why I banned Josh from getting the car door for me.

We'd only been married a few months, and Josh would open my car door, put me in the car, close the door and start the journey to his side of the car. Presumably this was so he could get in the car and drive us home. Sweet huh?

However, during the long journey (8 steps) from one door to the other he ALWAYS saw someone he knew and managed to strike up a conversation. There I am sitting in the car, and there he is, 2 feet away, caught up in a conversation completely oblivious to the fact that I'm sitting in the car NOT having a conversation.

The first few times it happened I thought to myself "Self: He just said 'hi.' then they'll say 'hi.' then he'll say 'have a good afternoon' and they'll say 'you too' and we'll get in the car and go. Just sit and wait."

Then he said "hi."
and they said "hi."
and he said "have a good afternoon."
and they said "you too."
and he said "any big plans?"
and they said "blah blah blah blah blah which is funny because blah blah blah blah blah"
and I sat there looking and feeling stupid in the car for 5 minutes! 5 minutes is a long time when you're sitting alone in a car watching your husband have a conversation.

Because every second I sat that I would've looked stupider getting out and inviting myself to the conversation. And every second I sat there I thought "he's got to end this conversation any second now, and if I get out now I'll get out just in time to get back in."
And every second I sat there I got more and more irritated. "what kind of person puts their wife in the car and leaves her there while he has a pleasant conversation with a ward member?!?!?! rude!"

And after the first few times I realized that he would never have a conversation where he goes "hi." and they go "hi." and he says "have a nice afternoon." and they say "you too." because that's just not the kind of guy Josh is.

So I banned him from "putting me in the car" (or opening my door) because I don't like being put in the car. It's just better if we get into the car in unison. That way if he starts a conversation, I'm already in it from the beginning; and if he doesn't, we get in the car and go home. Either way I'm fine, as long as I'm not sitting in the car wondering what could possibly be more important than LUNCH at a time like this!

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I'm not quite sure what it is about him, but he has this thing that just makes you feel the need to spill your guts, share your life's story, and not stop talking until you realize that your spouse has been waiting for you long enough to have gone home, had lunch, changed, and come back to the church parking lot to get you.

I used to think he only had this power over me (because clearly I talk too much) but I've come to terms with the fact that it's him. And he'll do it to anybody, anytime, anywhere.

If you haven't seen this side of him, it's simply because you haven't been in a small enough group with him. Don't worry, it's just a matter of time, he will get you eventually.