Jobs are Expensive

The point of a job is to make money... but so far it's just a whole lot of money going out.

Apparently over the last 3 years I've traded in my skirts and nylons wardrobe (Church Office Building dress code back in the dark ages before womens' legs were freed from oppression) for yoga pants and stained t-shirts. It makes sense of course because the job of momming is no place for a skirt. Or nylons. Too much sneezing and grabbing and crouching for things like that.

But bleach stained shirts and stretchy pants are not appropriate for an office (or so I'm told) so I shopped. Which is expensive. 

Then I drove all over creation.

And fed my family fast food.

And picked up a little Dr. Pepper to make it through the day.

And paid someone else to wear yoga pants and watch the sneezing grabbing little ones. 

And here I am. Broke. Feeling like I'm in elementary school again with "school clothes" and "play clothes". (Which I never had in Elementary School - but my friends all did...)

But really it's fun to have real clothes again though. I forgot what it was like to wear something that people might genuinely compliment.

Cell Dancing, Bears and Bishops

My dear friend Aundrea (Do you know her? You should. Her name really is Aundrea - not Andrea.) is not a cold loving kind of woman. She wears a parka when the air conditioning is up to high and people tease her because she also wears bum gloves at her desk.

So in the summer when the air conditioning is up too high at work and it's roughly 9,000 degrees outside she loves to exit the building and bask in the suffocating heat of her vehicle because it make her cells dance. And that's a good thing.

Remember me. The winter lover? This logic is seriously flawed to someone like me. But she sortof talked me into it. But my cells only dance for 2 seconds. Hers can dance the whole drive home.

That's why this page in this book just screams AUNDREA'S CELLS ARE A BEAR!

But when we read this page of the book tonight at bedtime Tommy pointed to the bear and said "just like our Bishop."

It took a bit of digging before he finally explained. "Welcome budders and sisssers." and shook my hand.

So there you have it. David Ezra Stein probably thought this book was about a hibernating bear, but it's really about Aundrea's dancing cells and Bishop Whitehead.

Plus time alone!

Tommy barged in on me while I was putting on my nylons (in my bedroom, with the door closed) and informed me that I was looking "pretty.....fluffy today."
Today he opened the bathroom door to inform me that I needed some privacy; then tried to lock himself out, which took longer than I did to finish, wash my hands, and leave the room using the other door.
John demanded (with his meanest demand voice and saddest face) that I hold him while I cook dinner. And clean up afterward.

The thing about being a mom (of little ones - does this change?) is that it never ever includes time alone. Not naturally anyway.

There are rare and blessed moments when all the babies are sleeping or otherwise occupied and you get to do whatever you want. But they are moments.

There are the hours after they go to sleep (or before waking up) but in my world they are not alone. They are filled with planning the next day, recovering from this day and praying for not too many more days before you get to take a deep breath and maybe a long nap. An often these short hours are filled with other people. Husbands, friends, family, fictional tv characters (hello Neil Caffery!) others. All things I choose to do. But they are still things.

The other day we went to pick up the van from the dealership (Dude, this car has been in the shop for minor-stupid-warranty-covered-stuff almost monthly since we got it. Disappointing.) and Josh drove the kids home and I drove the empty car home. With the radio off I realized that these were my first moments of silence all by myself in....I don't know - 3 years? Perhaps an exaggeration - but I honestly couldn't come up with an answer.

With Josh around all the time you'd think this wouldn't be so constant. But it is. Because as soon as both kids are occupied Josh is standing over me wondering what we're doing or where we're going or what's for dinner. He wants to read or play or see what I'm doing. Let me be clear, he isn't intentionally obnoxious, he's just....there. And when the kids are busy he assumes that means we can hang out together. 

Now I think about driving to work every day. EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. and not singing to the kids or answering their questions about where we're going, or what we're doing, or what comes next, or what's that animal, or why aren't we in those mountains, or can we have some nuggets, or what to do with those boogers they just found, or who sings this song, or "what's that guy's name is" or....or....or..... I simply can't imagine the peace and quiet. 

With this much time in my own head I just might be able to solve world hunger, or at the very least figure out what we're eating for dinner. 

I'm excited to have a little outside interaction. Maybe I'll start reading the news! Maybe I'll find out about things from places other than facebook! Maybe just maybe I'll have an original thought that isn't reinventing wet wipes! Think about it - if you had a washcloth that you could just throw away because it's too icky to wash out - now that would be a thing of beauty. Every mother's dream. I'd use it to wipe the baby's face...but first I'd get it wet. I could call it a.....drumroll.....wet wipe! wah wah waaaahhhhhh. Already invented. 

Hard to imagine what I'll do with my lonely time.

But you can bet I won't be singing Old McDonald Had A Farm.

On the Other Hand

The blessings and ways this new job is working out for me is surprisingly awesome.

My sister can (and will!) watch my kids. They love her and she loves them. She has plenty already on her plate, but was willing to help me out anyway. They will be in a happy, secure, convenient place and that means the world to me.

Josh works just 3 days a week, so most often he'll be home with the kids. They love him, he loves them, and while I'm confident home time will be significantly different from when I'm here, it will be good.

I got a job. Seriously that is a miracle. I applied on a whim, got an interview, and had a job all within a week. This is the first job I applied for and the only job I've interviewed for in 5 years. To be hired is nothing short of a miracle.

The office is close. The boss seems to be an upstanding good guy. The business is something I have just enough experience in to be helpful and just different enough for me to learn and grow. The boss is something of a dreamer and he needs someone with my specific skill set, (read: quirks and annoying habits i.e. list making, incessant follow up, details.) if I were looking for a career (I'm not) this might be the kind of thing I'd be interested in.

But the best and (most important to me) part is how it has all just fallen into place.

Maybe I'm a "take the easy road" kind of girl, or maybe I lead a charmed life, or maybe I'm just plain lazy; but all of the big decisions in my life have been like this. It all just fell into place. So I did them and it was good. College, student council (HAD to fall in my lap or I'd NEVER), Josh, jobs, etc.

That's not to say I haven't worked for anything. And it certainly shouldn't be taken to show how easy my life is. (It's not. Neither is yours. You know.) But I've rarely had to make a big decision that took a lot of fighting. When the thing for me has come up, it has just come up and worked out. A lot of faith yes. But not a lot of fight.

This being that way gives me a boost of confidence that this is where I should be. I know that most things in life don't just happen, and when they do I'm glad to take advantage of that.

So, here's to learning how to be a working mom.

*tips and advice please?*

Balance

It's no secret that balance is not my forte. I can be really good at something, but I almost always let other things fall to make that happen.

That's one reason I'm terrified to go back to work next week.

Josh's job is great, but they are struggling to keep enough patients and his hours are being cut on a regular basis. He's trying to find more work, but hasn't had any luck just yet. So, on a whim late one night last week I applied for a few office jobs.

The next morning I got a call for an interview.

I interviewed the next day, then waited anxiously for an update.

Gary e-mailed me on Saturday offering me the job. I was out of town and couldn't respond. Then he called on Monday while I was on my way back home to make sure I wanted it.

So next week I'll be going back to work part time. Often Josh will be able to stay with our boys. But on the days he's at work, I'll be taking them to my sister's house.

Katy is awesome, and I've spent most of my life wishing I were more like her. My boys love her and I know they'll be happy there, but I am totally heartbroken not to be home full time with my boys.

I think of the things I'll miss.
Funny things they say
Playing with towers and blocks
Adventures and play dates with friends
Making dinner together
Running errands
Playing in the park

Bottom line: It puts a strain on my time, and I'm afraid I won't be able to do all the things I currently enjoy. I will only be working in the afternoons, so on a day-to-day basis it really won't be that bad. But I am terrified  anyway.

So, here's hoping the new job is fantastic and that I somehow learn to balance work and motherhood and everything else that is important to me.

The Sweetest Part of Sunday

Our Sunday church service is from 11am - 2pm now. This change in time is not without it's difficulties.

But mostly it means that John gets to nap immediately before church and immediately after church. And my favorite part of that is that he naps in his Sunday duds and we get to wake him up.

I don't typically wake up my kids simply because I don't need to, and I think I would hate to do it if I had to regularly; but once a week it's a joy to walk in on my handsome little dude while he's still snoozing.

Once you set your eyes on this little man it's nearly impossible not to pick him up and snuggle him.

Spontaneous

By nature spontaneous is not a word anyone would ever us to describe me.

That's because I'm tightly wound.
And high maintenance.
And paranoid.
And I like to be prepared.

But some days it sounds like fun to be someone other than me. So I like to fake like it's fun to do things spur of the moment regardless of other responsibilities.

So on Wednesday when Josh said he needed to run a resume somewhere, and I said I needed to run to the grocery store, we decided we'd just all go everywhere together. We like to pretend these things are fun even though they're not.

But there we were on 800 N in Orem and the canyon called to us (or we missed our turn...whatever) and sucked us in.

So we thought we'd head to Bridal Veil Falls. But the trail was blocked off - because get this...SNOW!!!!!

Despite the giant sign warning us of avalanches and rock slides and imminent death, we figured we'd run around the park area.

First order of business was to go down to the water.

But it was in the shade, and by the water, and we were terribly unprepared (lousy good for nothing spontaneity) so we didn't last long there before we headed for the beautiful open field and made foot prints.

It occurs to me now that these were probably John's first steps outside. It was pretty slick (something about snow and ice.....) but he did take a few steps on his own. 

Josh started playing run-around-and-chase-each-other-with-no-real-goal-in-mind with the boys because it's their current favorite game as taught to them by their Uncle Caleb. Meanwhile I played stand-there-and-watch-my-boys-be-crazy-because-I'm-cool-with-being-spontaneous. 

When they ran into a giant rock I stopped being cool. Snapped a quick picture then demanded that Josh get them down from there because I'm afraid of heights.

After a brief lesson in tree peeing (spontaneous trips do not allow for potties!) we headed back for the van. Josh saw no problem with walking right past the closed gates with the giant sign telling them not to. He rarely has problems disobeying inanimate objects. 

My (2nd) favorite part of the trip was when I got to say "I told you so!" to Josh because our van was stuck in the snow. I told him it looked like a scary place to park and he laughed at me and told me to chill out. Which I did. Then I sat in the van while he tried to dig us out until some dudes came and helped me push us out.

My 1st favorite part of the day out was when we decided on our way home to head just down the road a little more and go get donuts at Krispie Kreme.

John didn't want to wear his hat - so Josh picked up the slack.

yes, we got a dozen. And we each ate a bite of each kind and polished them off the next day.

Turns out donuts, snow days, and mountains can turn an otherwise dull day into a party all the time.

So, in case you were wondering, that's why people are spontaneous.

Because it's fun.

Date Flop

So January's Date of the Month is supposed to be all about Josh for his birthday.

We eat at Rodizio (free meal for birthday club!) and we see a movie (of his choice) in the theater with extra butter on the popcorn. (Ew!!!)

It's the least healthy night of my life.

So we had Fandango bucks courtesy of Redbox to use. And we had free Rodizio. And we had a babysitter (thanks mom!) Easiest date ever right?

We tried to find a movie to see that Josh was willing to use his choice on. Not Lincoln, or Les Mis or anything else that I am dying to see. It has to be a dude movie.

So we found that the local dollar(ish) theater was playing Skyfall - the lastest Bond movie. But they don't take our Fandango bucks. Oh well, it's a dollar(ish) we'll just pay and enjoy our date.

We got to the theater a bit late after a rush to get us all where we belonged, but we bought our tickets and our popcorn and headed to the theater to sneak in and find seats. Except the show hadn't started. We were 20 minutes late. That's odd.

We hung out for another 15 minutes, then talked to the poor boy at the counter and he said he had no idea when they'd get the server fixed, so we got vouchers for another movie and headed out for free dinner feeling a bit dejected since we paid for a free movie we didn't get to see.

As we pulled onto the street of Rodizio I grabbed the birthday card to put it in my purse. I looked at the card which was for Tucanos. 30 minutes in the opposite direction.

So instead we went to Panda Express. And paid for dinner.

Worst free date ever.

Groundhog Day

One of the best things about 3 year olds is their ability to get excited about anything.
One of the best things about living here is that the Library is 4 minutes away.
One of the best things about the library is that Grandma works there. And so does adopted Grandma Marsh (the cousin's grandma). And Grandma Marsh is the boss of English story time and Grandma Fugal is the boss of Spanish story time.
One of the best things about story time is that it's free.

That's why we go to the library at least twice a week. Which is why we knew about Groundhog Day before it happened.

Last week Grandma Marsh taught them all about Groundhog Day. They made Groundhog "hats" and Tommy immediately became obsessed.

After wearing it and asking when Groundhog Day was gonna be all. week. long. he was thrilled on Saturday when I told him it was finally time. He squealed with delight that it was finally "my favorite day of ALL! I'm so excited!"

When John woke up from his nap, we grabbed the hat, and put on our boots (snow!) and headed out to see if our shadows were out there.

He got a little distracted by the giant mounds of snow on our way out to the sun.

But we eventually made it, saw our shadows and ran away screaming because "those shadows are really scary! Let's go hide!!!" We hid in the safety of the shadow from our house. Go figure.

Eventually the shade of the house was too cold for Little John and we came inside to hide in the basement.

Grandpa's Letters = success

I had just finished my Associates at LDS Business College when my Grandpa asked me to type up the letters and journal from his mission. The year was 2005 and I was single and done with school and perfectly capable of such a project. So I began.


Well, in case you didn't notice the year is now 2013.

Although the stack of letters wasn't that high, it is packed full of gems from my Great Grandmother.

"Refuse to worry or get weary!"

"The Drs. are overworked here and they charged plenty [to remove tonsils] $50.00!!" 

"Thot maybe you'd like a real rich fruit cake, but the darn thing didn't turn out the way it should in spite of great care and choice ingredients."

When I began the project I loved these little gems from Great Grandma Fugal. She shared what she learned at church and she bore powerful testimony. There were words that stood out to me as if she was reaching through the paper directly to me.

Then I met Josh, we dated, got engaged, married and life got a little busy. These letters survived 4 moves with me without much work going on.

This month I've spent a little time each day (and some days a lot of time) typing and reading these letters. They're beautiful. My Grandpa has an exceptionally loving family and the letters of support and kindness were beautiful.

I'm excited to print these (still working on the logistics of that) and turn them over to Grandpa for editing. Primarily because I know he will be over the moon to read these letters again. I know I was.

John

Remember when I realized I never read with Little John? Recognizing the problem pretty much solved it. He is now a book lover as much as Tommy. We read one or five of his board books before bed and he brings me stories all day every day wanting me to read to him.

There is something special about John. He has always been MY baby, and I love him more than anything in the whole world. Sometimes Tommy steals the thunder because he's awake more, he talks more, he does more THINGS. But our house would shrivel and die without John.

John is a good sport and somehow enjoys being tackled by his brother.

I remember thinking that Tommy loved music when he was about this age. But I had no idea what I was talking about. Tommy was like "eh. Music. It's nice. Whatever." whereas John is more of a "ohmygoshdoyouhearthat?!?! It's MUUUUUUSSSSSIIIIIIIC!!!!!!!!" kind of guy. If there's music on, he should be dancing, and gets offended if he's not. Or I'm not. Or if we're not. He also loves instruments, drums, pianos, crappy toy xylophones.... all of it. Kid has rhythm.

He's also interested in EVERYTHING. When Tommy wants to just watch a show or read by himself, John wants to help me boil water, he wants to unload the dishwasher and work on a project or craft. He wants to be where I am, doing what I'm doing ALL the time. And he LOVES every second of it.

The other night Josh came home from work and Tommy was still awake but in bed (the boys are almost always asleep by the time Josh comes home, it's cause for excitement) and Tommy came running out of the bedroom to give Dad a hug. Little John squawked in his crib waiting for his turn and as soon as he saw Josh his eyes lit up and he nearly jumped out of the crib. After appropriate songs and snuggles, it was time for bed (again). Tommy asked if we would both lay down with him on his bed, so we did and poor John had a meltdown. He was heartbroken and probably felt betrayed. How dare we all snuggle without him - RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM!!!! How rude. We repented, but it took him over an hour to calm down. The kid does not like to be left out.

Watching him learn how things work and "what happens when.... " is maybe my favorite thing to do with John right now. I just want to surround him with things and see what he does. Will he pound on the drum and race the cars or pound on the cars and race the drum? Because he has an older brother he plays with most toys properly, but it's fascinating to watch him figure things out in the rare moments he is given the opportunity to do so alone.

But hands down my favorite thing about John is that he knows what he wants. This boy has confidence oozing out his ears. 

If you serve him Mac & Cheese when he wants a sandwich, he'll tell you it's wrong. 

If he wants to dance and you're sitting down, you'll know that's not OK. 

If he's hungry or thirsty or tired and his needs aren't being met, he will get the attention he needs. 

He cares about what he wears, and who holds him, and what he eats, and what we play with, and who gets to win at wrestle mania. He's wonderfully, beautifully opinionated and I LOVE it. 

SOOOO big!

Here's my noggin'.

I love this boy with all my heart. He is lovely and happy and giggly and energetic and fun. I can't imagine our family without him in it because he makes us all better happier people.

For the record:

• He walks. All the time. All over the place. 
• He eats almost anything. But he has to want it. There's no talking him into eating anything he doesn't want.
• He has 3.5 teeth. (2 on bottom, his 2nd top one is right there)
• He is wavering between 1 and 2 naps per day. 
• He loves water. Specifically bathroom water. Mostly he loves the bathtub, but since there's a lovely bowl of water which is always full right next to it he isn't so picky.
• He is starting to repeat us more, but the only word he uses correctly day to day is "uh-oh". And it's the most adorably thing you've ever heard in your life. He also says mom (technically "momomomomomooooom") and dad (or "dadadadadada") and signs a bunch of things. Food. More. More food. etc.
• He really does love to brush his teeth (or suck the training toothpaste off the brush) when everybody else does. 
• He never wants to be left out. He'll follow anybody anywhere and cries if he's physically restricted from doing what everybody else does.