Saturday, May 22, 2010

Lonely again

Remember when I freaked out because Josh was going back to work and I was going to be solely responsible for my child all day every day? All by myself?

And remember back when Josh was in school and I was terribly lonely and didn't know what to do with myself all night every night?

Well let's just combine those two levels of crazy and now you!

Josh is in school again. Which freaks me out.

Right now it's just 1 night a week, but next month it will be 4 nights a week. I can deal with 1 night/week. But 4 makes me wanna cry.

Somehow no matter how bad the day is, knowing that Josh will come home in the evening and rescue me from everything and take care of Thomas until he goes to sleep means I can do it.

I once read a book called A Dance For Three and even the title has never left me. The title comes from a part in the book where Hannah (the main character who is in high school, pregnant, and the father has no interest in being involved) is near the end of her pregnancy and sees a mother and father with their small child. The child goes back and forth between the parents and each parent takes a turn in offering a cracker or holding a hand. She says it was like a dance, perfectly choreographed and she realizes that parenthood is a dance for three. Not a dance for two.

I've said a million times that I have no idea how single parents do it. It blows my mind that it's even possible.

I have it pretty easy, bedtime around here is no big deal. It's even fun. But the thought of doing everything all by myself, from the time Josh leaves for work, until long after Thomas is asleep totally scares me.

I'll even have plenty of time to myself, since Tommy sleeps at 7. But I'm still afraid.

I know it's just shifting my "If I can make it to _ o clock it'll all be OK." time back 2 hours. But it terrifies me.

Thomas is much more sweet than scary. But I'm not sure I can do it.

However, Josh has been in school before and we've both survived. Thomas has been all mine before and we've both survived. There are a lot of people who do a lot harder things, but this is hard for me anyway.

Here's to being lonely again.


  1. Awwwww! I really like that dance analogy! Good luck surviving! Good thing you are a strong mamma! Somehow we managed to survive Spencer's last three years of school with babies. It was hard sometimes, but I did get used to it. It was actually quite an adjustment after he had just a job again and was home. Thankfully, because of those years of schooling, he has a great job and it has made it possible for him to be home much much more as well as for me to home all of the time. It's hard though. I hear you!! I read a LOT of books those years and did a lot of missing my hubby! Good luck Amy and good luck Josh!

  2. Seriously, I wonder about single parents, too. As much as I love Josie and love being her mom, it's a relief to have someone else's help at the end of the day! I completely understand how you're feeling. You'll make it through, though! You can do it!

  3. i know how you feel. you can do it!!!
    i was terrified when i had a new (premature) baby, and a 2 year old to take care of all day and all night all by myself. to be honest it was awful but mostly because newborns are so hard for me.
    a few things that i found helpful was getting out of the house when possible, nap time (of course!), and a good bedtime routine (at least for the 2 year old- because let's face it, no newborn has a GOOD bedtime routine right?!).

    good luck! i'm just next door if you ever want to get together. :)

  4. I think it takes a stay-at-home mommy to understand these feelings. When Spence would take side jobs on Saturdays or in the evenings, I would seriously resent it--even though I knew he was doing what he was supposed to in order to provide for our family. Being the onliest one is really hard sometimes.

    On the other hand, I've never known a more capable mommy than Tommy's mommy. I've never known a more strong, capable, confident woman. You will be fantastic--a personal best!

    And if you need someone, just give a yell. Any time.


  5. We can chat sometimes (evenings or days) if you want.

    :D Love ya! You're good at doing hard things.


Share |