Sunday, October 12, 2008


How was my first week teaching Relief Society to grown ups who are more mature, intelligent, and spiritual than I am? Embarrassing. Thank you for asking. I don't want to talk about it.

However, I do want to write about it because somehow, the fact that you're reading this in a room that I'm not in, and I can't see you snickering at my stupidity, makes it less embarrassing to tell you about.

I learned from the first time I spoke in church as a grown up that I am the kind of person who needs to have the appropriate words planned and written/memorized before they come out of my mouth. Otherwise I wind up saying stupid things that aren't even true. Like the time I told everybody that Josh isn't romantic.

Today the lesson started out OK because I had already planned what I was saying. I talked about watering plants and how I'm not good at it, they laughed when I told them I sunburned a palm tree (as they should have), I applied it to trials, and that was all fine.  But, then I got into the discussion part of the lesson and it all went downhill from there.

I really think that Relief Society should be a discussion rather than a lecture, but the problem is that you can't script a discussion. I was totally at the mercy of the others in the class. What I thought would be a "guided by the spirit" lesson totally backfired and turned into a "I didn't prepare so how about you tell me what you think instead" lesson. And that's bad.

At one point I was sharing a couple of quotes from General Conference talks (which by the way were ALL made to be quoted during this lesson on trials) and a member of the Presidency commented about how Joseph Smith was such a great example of faith. I totally felt like I was being "gently guided" by her to get back on track and only talk about the stuff in the manual, and that made me flustered. So, I totally rerouted my train of thought and frantically looked through the book for one of the times I was quoting Joseph Smith and even though it didn't fit, I brought it up anyway.

By the end of the lesson I felt flustered, unorganized, out of control, and DEFINITELY not guided by the Spirit. I sat down and just wanted to cry. Hard. Somehow I made it through Sunday School without crying, but in Sacrament Meeting I couldn't handle it anymore. We left early because I was embarrassed and sad and all I really wanted to do was come home and cry in my bed and make Josh tell me it was OK becuase nobody ever listens anyway and nobody will remember what a fool I am.

So, the lesson wasn't great, don't ask me about it, I'll cry in front of you and feel stupid about that too.


  1. Girl! I totally feel your pain...even though I was teaching 10 14-18 yr olds I felt like I chick, a couple feet infront of me, slept the whole time. Why can't it be easier? Jason says it gets easier the more you do maybe we just need to keep on keeping on. lol :)

  2. aw babe hang in there! i never had to teach RS but im sure you did okay better than i could and i would have gone home to cry to because crying makes things better! love you and take care

  3. Amy! You can do it! I'll bet it wasn't as bad as you thought it was! And I have a story for you that might make you feel better:
    When Mark and I first got married, we had to teach Sunday School. Well, one Sunday we were teaching about how we need to keep records of all the ordinances done on earth and this one guy started getting mad and frustrated saying that it was pointless because everyting is recorded in heaven... well he was basically yelling at us and he just couldn't understand! Mark and I (and others in the class) couldn't get him to calm down! I was so flustered that I couldn't think straight. And that guy never came back to our church again. Ever. Sad huh?
    Ok, that probably didn't make you feel better, but don't give up Amy! I'll bet your lesson was amazing. You have a way with people that makes them feel comfortable and you are such a fun person that you make everyone around you happy. :) So don't give up! You can do it!


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