Two Weeks and all that comes with it.....

Some days I truly love my job, and some days I TRULY hate it. And a lot of days I feel guilty for doing it, and almost zero days I feel like I've done some good in the world. Because of that, plus the risk of losing said job, plus the hatred I have for David buying a new phone, I have finally stepped up and given my notice that I'm leaving.

That's right. I'm quitting. I don't have another job lined up, and I don't know what I'll be doing, but it won't be here. I've really wanted to quit for a few months now, but the past couple of weeks it's been eating at me. The weird thing is that now is not one of those times that I hate my job or want to gouge my eyes out every time I look at my office. David hasn't bought a new phone in almost a year, I have time off scheduled, it's been really flexible if I need it to be, and I don't feel like I'm the only one doing any work here. BUT for some reason, every time I walk through the doors, and every time I see Kim I've had to bite my tongue to keep from saying "that's it. I can't come back anymore. I'm quitting."

After a long weekend thinking about it, and far too many sleepless nights, I told Kim on Monday that I had to leave. I just have this feeling that there's somewhere else I should be, or something else I should be doing. So, I'm on a quest to find whatever that is. She asked why, what I'd be doing, and if there was anything they could do to make me want to stay. I told her no. I just really feel like I need to leave.

In all fairness, I often have a hard time telling if feelings like this are just what I really really want, or if they are feelings/promptings from somewhere else. But, I really just couldn't shake this one. And I fought myself on it for a while. It's not like me to just quit. It's incredibly irresponsible. And I don't really know how to handle that part of it, BUT I'm doing it anyway.

Fortunately I have the world's most supportive husband. As a general rule, I'm the "fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants, don't-worry-about-it, if-it-is-what-you-really-want, go-for-it, you-only-live-once" person in the relationship. He's the responsible one. Always in the background saying "yes, I would like to just go on a cruise to Alaska, but do you think we can afford it?"
me: "yeah sure. why not? We've been on cruises before, and if we have to eat ramen for a month, so what?"
Then he gets excited and we do it.

This time, however, it was opposite. I kept telling him how irresponsible it is to quit your job when you have bills, responsibilities, and nothing lined up. He told me that I should do what makes me happy. Which leads me to believe 1 of 2 things. 1) I'm impossible to live with when I work here. I'm grumpy, stressed, tired, full of guilt, and unhappy and to him it would be worth eating ramen for months to not have to live with grumpy Amy. or 2) He has no doubts about my ability to get a job that makes me happy. I choose to believe number 2 because it makes me happy.

So, after weighing out all of our options, and after applying for a couple of positions with the church (and not hearing back yet), I quit for the first time in my life.

Right now the plan is for me to work until the cruise (which is only 2.5 weeks away!) and then just not come back. Ever. I felt guilty at first, but I'm getting over that. It's not like I'm irreplaceable, and it's not like they can't find somebody better. So, off I go!

I interviewed for 1 job at the church, and the guy called me "delightful" which I think means he should hire me right away. I have another interview first thing tomorrow morning (wish me luck!) and I'll be applying for 2 more jobs tonight when I get home. SO, it's not like there aren't jobs out there, but what I really REALLY want is to work for the church so I can feel good about what I do. In the mean time, I'm gonna go on a cruise and enjoy knowing that I only have a little while longer here. It's kindof liberating, and I'm less stressed - I slept better last night than I have in WEEKS. I didn't have nightmares about work, and I really feel good about making such an insane decision.

So, now is the time to wish me luck!