Tuesday, April 7, 2009

The reason I decided to just tell you.

I just hit 12 weeks, which is 3 months, which is close enough to when it’s safe to start telling people you are “great with child”.
Imagine that past 8 weeks hadn’t happened. Imagine you had no idea how many times a day I puke. Imagine that all this time I’ve been that Josh and I are expecting.  Are you imagining? OK Now is the blessed day we’ve chosen to “come out” of the “we’re not having fertility problems” closet. It goes a little something like this.
For the past 3 months, I have been growing a tiny fetus in my uterus. All the posts about how much I’ve been wanting a baby are still true, because I still wanted one, even though I was already getting one. I just didn’t dare tell anybody that said creature was taking over my abdominal section until it was “safe” to tell. So, I had to keep up the “infertility” façade. Sorry I’ve been lying a tiny bit about “wondering when it will be my turn” and feeling left out.

FAQs:
When are you due? October 20th is the official date.
How are you feeling? Crappy. All the time crappy. And I don’t see the end in sight, but babycenter tells me I might be starting to gain energy this week and stop the puke-fest. The fact that I stayed awake past 9pm last night might mean they’re right. I’m still a little skeptical.
Boy or girl? Dunno. Yes we’ll find out. But not until the Dr. can tell (in like a month) because I can’t afford an extra 6 weeks of knowing what color of clothes to buy. Not in the budget.
 Names? We think it’s good to name children, although that’s where our agreements end. We’re not going to fight for any name until we know the gender.

OK. See how awkward that was? I had already shared too much about wanting a child. I had already whined too much. I had already told you all of my secrets, so if I had held out on you for the past 8 weeks you would’ve been hurt. Really. You would’ve.  You would have felt betrayed, lied to, and used. You’d probably be bitter.

That’s just why you’d be sad I didn’t tell you before now. The reasons I would be sad I didn’t tell you have more to do with the comments. 

The comments on this post which would’ve been full of “I knew it!” “No wonder you were at the Dr. so much!” “You seemed to have the PL glow!” and “I wondered if something was up….” Would’ve made me cry. Let’s be honest, most things make me cry, but that probably would have been the root of a full-fledged breakdown. “I’m glowing? They knew? Do I LOOK pregnant to you? (don’t answer that) Why would you think something was up? I’m GOOD AT BEING MYSTERIOUS!!!!!!!”

So, even though the journey through the first trimester has been a long annoying process full of vomit stories and complaints, secretly you’re glad I told you as soon as I knew….and so am I! 

*To anyone who may have felt hurt, judged, or offended by this post, I sincerely apologize. I understand why people wait until now to wait, and I respect that decision 100%. I didn't mean to offend anybody in any way. Please forgive me if I've hurt you, that's never my intent. I just meant to say "I'm glad you already knew because you've been supportive and kind and it would've been a long hard 8 months on my own."

7 comments:

  1. I'm glad you are visiting babycenter. One of my favorite websites.

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  2. I'm soooooo surprised Amy!! Congratulations! (Are you buying my acting job yet?) I had NO idea you were expecting. I just thought you had a very LONG case of the flu or PMS, something like that. (Really, I'm glad you shared the news earlier.)

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  3. I think you do your blogging friends far too little credit. I don't think people would have been angry or hurt that you didn't tell them right away. I think most of us understand the risk and the personal nature of early pregnancy.

    I think that despite any personal information that you may have previously chosen to divulge on your blog, no one is entitled to know something like that. While I really admire your ability to be so intimate and open with your blogging and I've enjoyed getting to be a part of your pregancy journey, I think maybe this post really makes too light of a decision that many of the rest of us have made. My husband and I didn't share our news with ANYONE until 12 weeks and that was a deeply personal decision for us.

    That being said, I'm glad you're pregnant, and I'm so glad you're finally finishing up that first trimester! My second trimester was SO much better, so I have the same hopes for you!

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  4. Oh Jess - I'm so sorry, I didn't intend to offend. I totally understand why people don't want to share too early, it is scary, personal, and quite frankly none of anybody's business. I didn't mean to make light of that decision (which is a HUGE deal). I'm so sorry if I hurt your feelings in any way.

    For me because I had been so open with the lack of baby, it would have felt strange to just stop saying things in an attempt to keep a secret, not to mention that I was so thrilled I couldn't WAIT to tell the whole world!

    So, when I joke about how it would've been today, I am strictly referring to me and how bad of a liar I am, and how weird it would have felt FOR ME. Again I'm sorry if you felt judged or hurt in any way by this post. That was certainly not my intent and I understand and totally respect your decision.

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  5. I think that it is fantastic you are so open about your situation---your baby posts are hilarious. There's so much going on in the first trimester, why not share the joy and someone to ask about every silly symptom? Even if it doesn't work out, at least you'll have someone to lean on when you can't understand why you feel so awful.

    I've been through 2 miscarriages, and understand the sometimes difficult nature of the first trimester. I've come to the decision that you might as well tell people when you feel like it, even if it means calling them up while you're waiting for the pregnancy test to tell you if you've hit the baby jackpot! Everyone has their own opinions, about it, which is fine because it's their baby and they get to pick. Why not spread YOUR news when YOU want to?

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