Thursday, January 17, 2008

Just one easy payment of $39.95*

Josh and I have developed this really bad habit of watching tv before we go to bed after he gets home from school. Usually the night goes like this:

doo do do to do dooo do do dodododo.....dododododo (that's the Simpson's music in the background)

"Hey, how was boring old school?"
"So cool because today we learned about _____" (insert something I don't understand here)
"That's nice dear. Would you like to practice on me?"
"No. I'm too tired. Maybe tomorrow." He answers in his "yeah right, maybe after I've graduated and have spare time but probably not even then unless you pay me" voice.
"OK I'm tired, you ready for bed?"
"Yeah sure." He says as he flops down next to me on the love sac. He immediately changes to channel to something unbearably boring, and wiggles around making me uncomfortable (which I thought was impossible on a love sac - I want my money back!) and cold.

Pretty much every night he turns it to the movie channel that plays some surprisingly good flicks, or this History channel. Last night he didn't even make it past the infomercial channel. All of these are like a whole new world to us because neither of us has ever had TV before. We've done speaker wire with tin-foil on the end, but no real tv channels before - so having more than 5 channels makes us feel rich. He got sucked into whatever the REALLY cheesy guy was selling and I immediately fell asleep. The next thing I know I hear him talking to himself.

"Yes, I'm interested in this book, but I'd like to hear a little more about it first. Can you tell me what kind of cures I can find?"
Prolonged silence.
As I slowly come out of my deep deep sleep I realize he's not talking to himself, he's on the phone! With the infomercial people! He has full blown muted the TV - watching some old guy mouth the words "one easy payment of $39.95 - but that's not all!" The screen slams a big big down in front of it like it's a big deal. "for a limited time only" appears at the bottom of the screen and I suddenly realize that he's on the phone so he can BUY this thing!

Now you should understand 2 things:
1. I'm a sucker for advertising. I drive down the road, see a McDonald's sign and immediately want a big mac. The next sign is for hang gliding and I feel the need to jump off a cliff. Driving home from work is an emotional thing for me because I go from being a "mom meth addict" to an "experienced tax accountant" all the while craving 8 different fast foods, and needing to hear 23 artists' concerts. If I bought everything that I truly believed I needed when I thought I needed it....well I'd be in a lot of debt.
2. Josh doesn't spend money. He doesn't buy anything, he takes time to consider everything before purchasing, and after he bring it home he considers it some more deciding if he should take it back or not. (Seriously, the man returns rotten produce to the grocery store to get money back....he's insane.)
So, for me waking up to him wasting money on a book seems unbelievable. I look at him like he's crazy and tell him we don't need it. Even if it cures cancer (which I doubt) we don't need it because we don't have cancer. While I'm mouthing this to him he's still talking to this girl on the other line!

"mmmmhmmm. Now what about asthma, does it have a cure of asthma?" he asks her attentively
"Josh hang up that phone! If you spend $40 on a book we can buy online for cheaper, I will beat you till you cry!" I'm fully awake now. I know very well what he is doing and he knows very well he's in big trouble.

He hangs up with the girl and looks at me like he's hurt. I proceed to look on amazon and ebay for the book as well as read some reviews of it online. We find version 1 of the book for $5 on Amazon and reviews saying the book is useless and frustrating. I make him lie next to me and kiss his forehead so he knows I still love him. We turned off the tv and go quickly to bed before either one of us gets sucked into anything else. The problem is that when I was looking for the book online I saw the website and started reading about it trying to figure out why my otherwise intelligent husband would ever even dream of wasting his money on something like this. I quickly learned.

I mean, this book is literally 576 pages of incredible medical miracles discovered by very credible human beings. The audience is full of people who have used these cures and it saved their lives! How can I say I don't need that? This thing promises to cure diabetes, help with weight loss, Alzheimer's, how to prevent a stroke, fighting cancer, lowering blood sugar, flu-proofing your home, the list goes on. What person doesn't need that? Why did I stop my husband from having that sent to my house? PLUS it comes with 3 bonus gifts*! *a $149 value absolutely free!

I suppose it's probably a good thing I was asleep the first time the ad was on and now Josh is thinking clearly, so we side-stepped getting sucked into this useless purchase - but I think I need to have the infomercial channel blocked from our tv. I have no doubt that he would've bought it if I didn't stop him, and I have no doubt that there's something equally enticing just waiting for us tonight. It's time for a new bedtime routine if you ask me.


  1. LOL! I think infomericals are funny period. If it was really that great you'll find it at the store! Just my opinion. Nate and I also have a bad habit of falling asleep to the tv, but its usually the simpsons or the discovery channel.

  2. Oh man. Infomercials are the best! My seven year old nephew loves them. A couple of years ago he decided that he just HAD to get the Magic Bullet--it's this little blender thing--and he had the whole commerical practically memorized. He could even tell us exactly how to make nachos in it. It was hilarious. They literally had to stop him from watching the infomercials because that is all he ever wanted to watch and all he talked about!

  3. logan is a sucker for those things too! lol!! i wanna see your house!! show pictures :) :)

  4. I NEEED the magic bullet! You can make 29 different things all in 10 seconds or less! Imagine how much easier my life would be if I could make 29 things in 10 seconds or less! :)

  5. Pictures of my house are on the blog. "The new house" this month. :)

  6. Well it's too bad that you're already married, Amy, otherwise I'd have a great idea for a wedding present for you!


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