The Wrath of Grumpy Amy

For all of those winter-haters out there, those of you who whined and complained that it snowed in May. Those of you who still weren't satisfied when the snow turned to rain. Those of you who hoped and wished and prayed for warmer weather, I hope you're happy now. I hope you're enjoying the insanely hot, disgusting, stinky, sun-shiney days we're having this week.

I hope your skin is red and burned like mine. I hope that you, like me, have to put on gloves when it's 90-something degrees outside and 190-something degrees INSIDE your black car, because when you touch anything inside your skin melts onto the thing you touched. I hope you're still too hot, even after swimming for an hour past dark. I hope you never want to go running again because the thought of warming up your body one more degree makes you want to vomit. I hope you start your car (wasting the oh-so-expensive gas) long before you're in it, just so it can cool down. I hope you run from 1 air conditioned area to the next because walking won't get you out of this heat fast enough.

I hope you realize that your persistent complaining about spring - the precipitation, the glorious cool life-water falling from the sky, the overcast days and cool nights, the low power bills, the blankets that never get folded because they're always in use, the windows-open-at-night weather, the sound of crickets that are still alive because they haven't roasted to death in the heat, the green grass and colorful flowers - that whining is exactly the reason that I have to wear gloves to drive home at night. The reason I have to put on MORE clothing when all I really want to do is wear a swimsuit all day while sitting in a lake. You are the reason I'm not going to cook anything all summer because even popcorn is too hot to eat.

That whining is the reason I am grumpy this morning, so to all of your who pined and prayed for warmer weather. Thanks a lot, and good luck dealing with the Wrath of Grumpy Amy.