My first ticket...

About an hour ago, Josh and were driving on the road that goes from Lake Pointe to Tooele. It's kindof a stupid road. And a long road. And a boring road. And apparently I wasn't paying attention to the driving part of it. That is until I saw the red and blue lights.


Josh and I have different opinions of police men - I like them, Josh.....not so much. So, when I saw the flashing lights, oddly my stomach didn't drop, I didn't get nervous, I didn't "KNOW I was busted", and I didn't even worry about being pulled over.


I quickly pulled my leg off the dashboard (yes, I put my left leg up on the dashboard when I'm driving an automatic....it's comfortable) and moved to the right lane. I just wanted to get out of the way of the guy behind me, so I pulled over into the right lane, and then off the side of the road. THEN I noticed that he was following me. He stopped right behind me. And then for some strange reason - the man got out of his car! It seriously took me a minute to figure out what he was doing.

I looked down at the speedometer (it said 0, which didn't help me at all in my quest to figure out why I was being pulled over). I looked at Josh - who was looking at his computer. I looked at the dashboard to see if there would be any hint there (wouldn't it be cool if there was a little screen that gave you hints. Like "your brake light is out" or "that cop saw your leg up on the dashboard and that's not safe" or "Josh isn't buckled" or "you're going 20 over the speed limit duh"?). Then maybe when he came up I wouldn't have looked so stunned.

"Do you have your license on you tonight?"
"Yep."
"Registration and insurance?"
"Yeah."
I handed over the goods - one at a time. Josh has never been asked for insurance before so he didn't know to grab it with the registration. Weird.
"Where you headed tonight?"
"umm...to visit some friends." I couldn't look at his face when I talked....his face was too close to my car and it kindof freaked me out.
"Any reason you're in such a hurry?"
"I'm actually not in a hurry at all."
"Then why were you speeding?"
"I didn't know I was."
"The speed limit on this road is 60. I clocked you at 78."
"I had no idea I was going that fast, I'm REAL sorry" I did my best attempt at "sad, pathetic, I'm harmless" eyes. Only I couldn't look at him cuz his face was right behind my ear and it freaked me out. It didn't work.
"I'll be right back with you." He lied. He wasn't RIGHT back anywhere.

I think cops intentionally sit in their cars about 20 times longer than necessary. It gives the offending driver longer to figure out why they weren't paying attention. Also, longer to speculate as to whether they get a warning or a ticket. Longer to panic and try to figure out how much exactly 18 mph over the speed limit is going to cost. Longer to apologize and freak out with their passenger. Longer to decide if they really were going that fast.

While he was gone, I kept looking in the rear view mirror - I couldn't have been going that fast, I just came out of a red light! PLUS all the cars around me were going at least as fast as I was. Why did he pull me over? Is that thing they say about red cars true? It must be, because I NEVER get pulled over. Ew. 60 mph? What kind of speed limit is that? This road is like the freeway? There's NOTHING on that road anyway! Geez. 60 mph. That's ridiculous.

This is clearly not my fault for the following reasons. 1) the car is red. I blame Redbox. 2) the road is long - I blame the people in Tooele. 3) the road is boring, I blame the stores that aren't there yet. 4) Josh didn't tell me I was speeding, so technically, HE was the one speeding. 5) I blame Holmes Homes or whoever built Ashley and Jake's house, because if they didn't find such a great house, they wouldn't have moved here anyway. Stupid Holmes homes. 6) The dirty rotten government just changed the speed limit here just to catch me. It's their fault too.

After a LONG time of thinking all of those things - the officer came back with my ticket.When he finally returned, Josh asked him when/where he clocked me, because I had just slowed down at that light. He let us know that it was before the light, it took him a while to get turned around and catch up.

"Slow down and be more careful" he advised me before heading on his way.
"Okay, thanks." I waved when we drove away. Seriously? He should have arrested me right then and there. Who in their right mind thanks an officer for a ticket?

I say stuff like that all the time. Just the wrong canned response at the wrong time.

I'm passing someone I don't know on the sidewalk.
"Hey." the do the little parakeet nod.
"Fine thanks, how are you?" I respond. They don't really care how I am - if they did, they'd ask. Actually even if they didn't they'd ask anyway, so the fact that they didn't ask, clearly means they REALLY don't care.

The lady at the drive through window.
"Thanks for choosing Arby's."
"See ya later!" I bounce back. Am I really going to see them later? I hope not, and if I do I hope I don't recognize them....how often do I go to Arby's anyway? Not that often.

After talking to someone on the phone
"I'd better get going I have to ______."
"Yeah, it's good to see you too." I respond

And probably the worst.
"Here's your ticket, don't forget to show up in court, you have to pay between 5 and 14 days later, otherwise they'll issue a warrant for your arrest. Also you probably have to come back to Tooele to go to traffic school. Enjoy the drive, and don't speed again. Good luck paying the 10 million dollars, and I hope the extra 25 minutes I just took from your evening didn't disrupt your plans too much."
"Okay. Thanks." Like I really appreciate that. Oh please!

Anyway, I'm no longer in the "I've been pulled over tons, and never gotten a ticket" club. And I blame Redbox....and the government.