A day in the life:

It’s funny how different life is right now than it was 6 months ago. 

I used to spend every Sunday crying because everybody in the ward has adorable perfect well behaved children and I couldn’t take any of them home with me. Now I spend every day crying because I am overwhelmed at the thought of being a mother, I’m scared I won’t be good enough, and I just plain don’t feel good. When I’m not crying because of the slew of negative emotions, I’m crying because of how lucky I am. Because I am so blessed to be surrounded by good people, because our infertility problems really weren’t that bad, and because I can’t believe this is (finally) actually happening for us. Note to self: Buy stock in Kleenex…..

I used to come home from work, glance through the mail, find something for dinner, hang out with Josh, play games, do laundry, clean up, watch a movie, play more games, read, and finally fall asleep on the couch or the love sac around 11:30 or 12:00. Now I spend my ride home from work puking (on one hand I’m thankful for Ziploc bags….on the other I know I’ll never be able to store anything in a gallon sized Ziploc bag again because everything looks like vomit….), I run up the stairs, crying and puking, I try to choke down some water so I won’t get too dehydrated, I sit on the chair wrapped up in a blanket whimpering and crying while Josh does the dishes, and the laundry, and scrounges up dinner for himself and asks if anything sounds good to me. I sit around asking him for things and he provides it pretty much every time. I turn on a movie around 6:00 and struggle to keep my eyes open through the whole thing. I pause it every 20 minutes or so while I run to the bathroom and try to puke up my remaining internal organs. Apparently they’re attached…..to something…. I get my laptop and check my e-mail, blogs, and facebook while watching the movie. I spend 20 minutes reading about my baby and how I’m not the only sick pregnant lady in the world (I just like knowing I’m not alone….and that I’m relatively normal). By 9:00 I drag my lazy butt into bed and go to sleep for real.

I used to wake up to my alarm in the morning, I’d snooze it 3 or 4 times and try my hardest to tone it out so I didn’t actually have to get out of bed.  Now I wake up for no apparent reason at 3am. And at 3:30. And at 4:30, 5:00, and 6:00. I take a shower and crawl back in bed as soon as possible. Because after 6am I can finally sleep soundly. What do we call that again? Oh yes. Irony. Cruel irony.

I know this is nothing compared to how different it will be once Baby Egbert actually arrives, but my life is not even close to what it was before….