Tuesday, August 19, 2008

A talent I do not have

Drumroll please……

Drinking out of a straw.

I just remembered. While I’m good at being sick (which requires drinking out of a straw) I am not good at just plain straw drinking. Which is bad because I’m also bad at cup drinking.

When I drink out of a cup, I always get a water mustache, and if there is any ice in the cup (which there is because I love the taste of water with ice in it….even if Josh says it doesn’t actually taste different) it inevitably falls onto my face, and up my nose.

So, in order to avoid unnecessary embarrassment at work, I’ve opted for drinking out of a straw. I have an enormous (32 oz.) foam cup, with a lid and a straw. I drink probably 3 of those a day (partially because they’re mostly full of ice and partially because I drink a lot of water) so this has a real impact on my life.

Unfortunately I’m really bad at drinking from a straw too. You know when you share an office area with someone else, and you randomly hear strange noises coming from the cubicle next to you? That strange squeaky noise is probably me drinking out of a straw. .

If I don’t take painstaking precautions to be sure my lips have completely sealed around the straw, I make that squeaky noise. And when you take 23,459 sips a day, those precautions just take too much time. I’d get fired if I did. So you’ll have to deal with my squeaky drinking.

The worst though, is when I’ve taken my squeaky sip, and remove my partially sealed lips from around the straw, somehow water gleeks out. Do you remember gleeking? What an ugly fad that was….anyway, now that it’s not cool anymore and I’m not in the appropriate environment for gleaking - of course I’m really good at it. The worst part is that when I focus really hard and completely break the squeaky-lip seal before moving my mouth off the straw to avoid the gleek, I look like a camel. You know when they chew, and it just looks like they’re using entirely too much energy with their lips? That’s what I look like when I try to gleeklessly break contact with my straw.

On the plus side, I’m good at being sick…..that makes it even, right?

1 comment:

  1. It's not a talent you DON'T have its a talent you DO have....how many people do you know that can do what you do with a straw?? I sure can't....so...see, you have a talent for straw gleeking and squeeking that I don't have. LOL


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