Sunday, March 6, 2011

On Why We Don't Go Out

Well, the obvious reason that we rarely leave the comfort of our own home is that Josh is never around and I'm a homebody.

But yesterday we remembered the somehow less-obvious reason.

I really don't want to be one of those moms who blames everything bad on their kid....but if the shoe fits!

We went out to dinner yesterday. Well technically we were there so early you could hardly call it dinner. It was too early for even Old People Dinner and too late for even the least scheduled teenagers' lunch.

Still we were not the only ones at the restaurant.

Which only added to the pleasure of having our grabby-little-one with us.

"Would you like a high-chair or booster?" the kind hostess asked.

I suppose I was being overoptimistic when I asked for a high-chair, because the child has to let go of a parent in order to sit in a high chair. Also because the parent's butt does not fit in the high chair.

That was OK though, we eat a lot of meals with The Baby on the lap. But most of our meals aren't served on piping hot plates, featuring uncovered glasses full of water and other horrible weapons within arm's reach of The Baby.

But the real problem was The Baby's ability to stare a person down. If you've ever been on the other end of the stare, you know that Elder Scott has nothin' on this kid.

Do you know Elder Scott? He's a leader of my church, and I swear he can read my soul THROUGH the tv screen or even through a magazine. As you can see, he mastered the Soul-Stare in his younger years.
Tommy can soul-stare with the best of 'em. During the Christmas season I would tell people that he worked for Santa and that's why he had to watch them so closely. Now that it isn't Christmas anymore and his staring most certainly won't precede gift-giving, his staring is just plain rude.

Fortunately the 20-something year old dudes at a table way too close for comfort, didn't mind that he thoroughly checked them out for the last 20 minutes of their meal.
"He likes your tongue ring." one said to the other
"naw, he just thinks my mowhawk is awesome. Just wait till he sees your ink."

Tommy did see the ink.
And the mowhawks, and the green streaks in the hair.
And the black nail polish.
And the tongue ring, and the lip rings, and the eyebrow rings.

He was fine with the men, until the nice old lady walked in. He could smell the grandma all over her and panicked. I think she might have looked in his direction and he clamored up Josh's body trying to get away and started to whimper. (Tommy doesn't like old people and by "old people" I mean older than 35.)

He only flirted with the Latin waitress.

So the scary-men were probably irritated, but acted like they didn't mind being stared at all through dinner. The nice old lady didn't look in his direction again. He probably hurt her feelings. And the Latin waitress thought he was adorable never stopped refilling our water.

Dinner was lovely, and not having to do dishes was lovelier.

Not that it wasn't delightful to worry about which faces he was making at which people all through dinner, but it's simply easier to feed the child at home where he can only make faces at us. What is the appropriate thing to do or say when your kid does something embarrassing?

That opinion is what makes me a homebody.


  1. I absolutely love your updates. I love being stared at by babies - so I don;t think ti is rude. But I guess if he has the Elder Scott stare it may get uncomfortable...But he is pretty darn cute so I ;m nto sure anyone would mind.

  2. So think he's embarrassing now. Just wait! HA! Wait till he can talk, or yell is opinions or “curiosities” for everyone in a 5 mile radius to hear!

    We were at a baptism on Saturday and a family member of the girl being baptized had two small piercing below her lower lip...we happened to sit right next to her. Instantly Hallie reached up and started poking the studs with her little finger "mommy what is that, she has a sparkly pokey in her face, why she have that mom?

    Or we recently had my parents stop by with one of their friends, she happens to have very long, grey, stringy hair. When she walked in Hallie said… “You have hair like Rapunzel!” And later upon closer inspection she discovered that this ladies hair “smelled yuck!” and made sure everyone knew it! Oh my, horrific, and I know it will only get worse, so there you have it out or in your kids will forever embarrass you and in turn you can spend the rest of your life embarrassing him! Good luck!


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