Tommy's girl.

I'm back at work this week and it's a really strange feeling. I like it. I like being there. I like being productive. I like not needing to re-shower before noon. It's a nice change. But I miss my baby.

I'm only back for a short period of time to train my replacement. So Josh is taking some time off work to be Mr. Mom (which he excels at, of course).

Josh also got a letter saying that a CNA is a new pre-req for the nursing program. So he started his stupid CNA classes this week. 6:30 - 10pm twice a week. Lovely.

Tuesday was his first day and I did the bedtime thing with Thomas, but Wednesday morning he was still asleep when I left for work (you know, because I'm SO good at putting him down!) so I didn't get any hugs and kisses before I left.

To be honest I didn't really notice, until I got home. Josh said he was horrible and grouchy and ornery and wouldn't anything for the past hour. But Thomas smiled for me when I held him. And he looked at me with those big beautiful eyes, and I'm totally pretending he was trying to tell me he loved me and missed me. And then I cried. Because that's what I do. I missed my babe and I like to think he missed me too.

Fast forward.

It's 3am and he woke up about an hour and a half ago. Josh got up with him to feed him (because Mr. Mom really is a great roll for Josh) and couldn't get him to go back down. I rocked with him, and put him down and he stayed asleep for about 2.1 minutes, then he woke up and freaked out because I had abandoned him for the warmth of my own bed. I know. Rude.

We rocked, and sang, and listened to music (soothing lullabye music that we listen to every night before bed) and he was still wide awake. Happy (as long as I was with him). But awake. At 2am.

Finally I put him down with the intention of sticking the binkie in his mouth and running back to bed before he could cry so it would be Josh's turn again because he seemed like he would sleep.

He started to cry, and grabbed at things. I normally give him a bear to grab at since I don't usually want to stay with him all night long, but he wanted nothing to do with it tonight.

Finally I gave him my hand and he grabbed onto my finger and fell asleep immediately. He grabbed on tight and he was not about to let me go.

I like to think he just wanted me to be there. To not leave him. To hold his hand because sometimes nighttime is hard. To not stop loving him. And I'm happy to oblige because I don't want to leave him. And I like holding his hand (almost as much as I like holding Josh's...although I won't know, I've barely even seen Josh in days....maybe I don't like holding his hand anymore...who knows.). And I like him knowing that I love him.

How long before he stops thinking that my finger is the solution to all problems? How long before something hurts more than my presence can help? How long before he doesn't think I put up the sun in the morning and hang the moon at night?

I won't lie, tonight I really like that he's a mamma's boy.

Because I'm a Tommy's girl.