It hurts

Today was my last "real" day at work.

For good.

Forever.

I'm not going back.

I find myself completely without words.

I started crying when Aundrea left at 4:30 and I haven't stopped yet (it's 2 hours later....) I sobbed through saying goodbye to her because she's more like a sister than a friend. I can't imagine having life that doesn't involve daily conversations with her. I can't figure out who will understand like she does. We can't be Christmas Card friends. I don't even do Christmas Cards. And I can't lose anymore close friends. It hurts too much. And she's just my favorites of the Office Support People.

In the meantime I also have to say goodbye to "the men" all of them. The ones who work harder than anyone I've met. The ones who teach me things I never knew I cared about. The ones who value my opinion and the ones who value my ability to keep it to myself. The ones who smile and say "10-4" when I say "there's poop all over the floor, can you fix that?" The ones who taught me about construction and let me teach them about paperwork. The men who wear blue shirts and those in suits. The ones who smile just a few times a week and those who never stop. There are the whistlers, the hummers and the stompers. The ones who check on me just to make sure I'm having a good day, and those who swing by because they want me to check on them. The men who love me and those who hate me. Some are smart, some are funny, all are kind. Together they are the best of the best. I have my favorites, but I truly care for all of them.

I'm going to miss every last one of them. And my heart truly breaks today.

But I count myself blessed because I was lucky enough to associate with them for 18 months. I was fortunate enough to learn from their examples. I was honored to be invited into their lives and share just a small part of their joys and pains. They truly changed my life in ways they'll probably never know.

I just didn't expect it to hurt this much when it was over. Because I'm fairly certain that there will be those I never see again. And that breaks my heart.