Guiltlessness

I’ve made a decision. I will no longer feel guilty about not being productive all night when Josh is gone. My new productivity-curfew is 10pm.

With Josh and I getting up and going to work at the same time every day, I can’t get over the fact that he keeps going all night long and doesn’t get home until 11:00 every night. I get this overwhelming sense of guilt when he comes home to me sitting on the couch watching TV. I know he’s working himself to death, and it makes me think I should too. Until this week. I usually come home, clean, do laundry, my nighttime job, read, try to better myself in some way and then crash just before he gets home. It occurred to me that I don’t necessarily need to feel guilty about that, and since I don’t particularly enjoy the guilt, I quit. I can be as productive as I want before 10:00, laundry, dishes, walking, working, etc. But at 10:00 my night belongs to me and that’s OK. Josh is at school, and he’s working hard, and learning, but he also gets a massage every week, and his school is all about relaxing, restructuring and therapeutic stuff. So, the trade off is that I get to quit my day an hour earlier than he does.

It might be stupid to think it needs to be even, but I really do. I guess that isn’t really even, but I’m calling it good. No more guilt after 10:00.

So, here I am doing whatever I wan, which happens to be blogging about how it’s OK that I’m blogging. I’m sick. Seriously sick.