Monday, June 11, 2007

I'm not crazy.....I'm just a little unwell....

Man! What a weekend. On Friday I went home in an icky, sad, depressed, not good enough, don't wanna do anything, kind of mood. Not the greatest plan. Especially since we were heading to the Reilley house. I LOVE the Reilleys, they are wonderful and nice, but when I'm feeling icky and inadequate, it's not my first choice of places to go. They are all very healthy, open honest, talkative people. Usually everyone gets together and talked about what diet/workout plan they're on. So, I feel stupid, fat, and inadequate. My family doesn't talk about such things as bodies, health, fat, weight loss or anything like it, so it's a really awkward topic for me. But I am getting used to it. Jus tnot when I feel icky already. So, we went to the Reilley's because Megan graduated. (Yay Megan!) It was the biggest baddest barbeque of all time. Neighbors, family, friends, everyone that knows and loves that girl came. We played that golf toss game again, Josh kinda blew me off a little, and I tried to stay hidden as much as possible. The night turned out to be fine, but I just wasn't feelin' anything. You know those times that you just wanna be sad and alone and you don't have a good reason, but you just don't feel like it. Yeah, Friday was one of those nights. I went on a walk by myself at about 11 and didn't really announce my departure and I think Josh freaked out his mom when he told her he didn't know where I was. He called me and we went home, but I just couldn't handle being around everyone. I just needed a good walk. So I took one. Now I'm pretty sure his parents are all worried and think we were in a fight or somethin, it wasn't Josh, I just wasn't feelin' it. When we finally got home I took a bath and got in bed. Hoping that "sleeping on it" would make it all go away.

Saturday was a little better, but I couldn't shake the ickiness. I wasn't as bugged, but I still just felt heavy and hurt. I'm weird. Anyway, Saturday we had to go to this presentation about travel stuff to get our "free trip" and it was quite the adventure. Josh is all excited about it, he's funny. It's actually a decent deal, but it's expensive for us right now, and since we don't know anything about what our finances will be like in the next year or two, it didn't seem like the best plan to commit to right now. Then they offered us the "trial period" for 18 months or whatever. Anyway, we took that and now we have some serious vacationing to do. Josh really wanted to go somewhere fun for our anniversary, but I'm not sure what we'll come up with. He actually took the time off work - so I hope I can do the same. I'm a little excited to go somewhere with him. Anyway, I re-established my hatred for sales people. Blah and ew. That's all I have to say about that.

We found out that Josh's biological father is back in the hospital again. They were supposed to come over for a barbeque for his birthday on Saturday, but since he's in the hospital, we decided to push it back till he can come to his own birthday party. We invited Jamie & Cameron over instead. That was fun. We fed the missionaries, who are really nice, and played a little super-smash. Then we watched a movie and played settlers. I'm pretty sure nights like that are Josh's dream world. We had a really good time, and Cameron won at Settlers. Good for him.

After Stake Conference on Sunday, we went to Logan to visit my mom's dad. He's sick and getting sicker, and they really thought that he wouldn't make it through the night on Saturday, but he did and so we got to see him. It's surprising how hard it is to look at someone who has always been strong and smart and now he's so tiny, and weak. He looks so much like Grandma Godfrey when she died. He so thin, mom said he hasn't eaten anything in probably 2 weeks. He can sometimes get down a whole can of ensure, but that's about it. It's so sad to see someone be so helpless. I think everyone will be happy for him if he doesn't have to suffer very long, but it's still hard to watch him go. Becky, Linda, and Brenda showed up while we were there adn we all sang some hymns, which was fun/funny. It made me think of how hard it would be to see my own daddy like that. I know it's not the end, but it's still hard. Anyway, I was glad we went to see him. That was good for me.

Once we got home Josh was hungry again so we made fajitas and looked at all the places we could go on vacation. :) It was a grand adventure. Last night was really fun. I finally felt like I kicked the icky feeling I'd had all weekend and we could just relax and have some fun. We played 5 crowns, we hung out, talked, and had a great night! I LOVE nights like that! He fell asleep and I read until I was tired enough. We slept in this morning and here I am. I'm so thankful for Josh and how much fun we can have together. I love that kid. He's amazing and I'm lucky to be married to someone so perfect for me. :)

Exciting news is that this weekend I get a new niece (yay for Spence & Em) only she'll be in Washington, so maybe someday I'll get to go see her, but at the very least I'll see pictures cuz Emily is really good at things like that. We also get to go camping this weekend (I think) so I have plenty to look forward to. It'll be a good and busy week.

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