Solutions

Well I've driven to and from work all by myself 5 times now and I have zero solutions for large scale problems. So.....

Josh has been a super great stay at home dad. My boys are always happy when I come home, and I'm about to buy into that whole absence makes the heart grow fonder thing.

If ever I wondered if my children loved me, I needed only to leave and walk back through the door at dinner time to know they do. John comes through the house, sees me in the doorway and his jaw drops and his tiny chubby fingers go up to his shoulders to say "who's there?", then he straightens his arms down, and stretches them back as he runs for me and open mouth kisses my face.

Meanwhile I hear Tommy saying "is that MY mom?"

There is nothing like that. Truly.

But there's also nothing as heart breaking as peeling my crying children off me to hand them to Josh when I leave. When Tommy climbs up in my lap and pushes my hair away from my ears so he can whisper "I just want you to stay here with me mom." it takes everything I have to leave anyway.

Here's the thing, he's 3 - he's upset about most things in the beginning. And he's always always happy when I come home. He has fun when I'm gone and I know he's just fine. But there in that moment with my baby on my lap, I feel like I'm letting him down.

This week has been jam packed with other obligations and I've spent more hours gone than home. Most weeks that won't be the case. We'll fall into a regular routine and we'll all be used to it. But this week leaving my family sucks.

But on the other hand.......

I am loving work. My boss is awesome, he gets excited about things and asks for my opinion about everything. (paint color. desks. marketing strategy. organization.) He's doing everything he can to make me happy and there is just the right balance of new information and familiar tasks to make me happy.

I love using my mind, feeling capable and listening to my own music. For 4 hours in a row every day I am unquestionably productive and that is a welcome change.

Plus Fridays are meaningful again.

In the meantime Josh is applying like crazy for other jobs. He had a promising interview this week, but all we can do right now is pray and wait.

We are especially thankful that he's had patients lately. I'm confident that we'll be just fine. We always have been and I have no reason to believe that will end now.