When Tommy was born I thought I'd be going back to work at the Church Office Building. But halfway through my maternity leave my sister asked me if I'd be interested in her Medical Billing business - which I was.
So quite a few weeks later I went back to work for a week to train my replacement. Who really didn't need my training - but it was nice that they thought I'd be helpful.
During that week Josh took time off work to stay home with Tommy.
During that week Josh totally showed me up.
Like a lot.
When he'd come home from work before that week, I'd tell him how I had just held Tommy all day and couldn't do anything with two hands. I told him how I would start dinner right away, but I hadn't had the chance yet. Josh never complained. Actually in 4 years I don't think he's ever complained about how much does or doesn't get done while he's gone.
Anyway, during that week I'd come home from work and the house was clean, the baby was happy, the laundry was done and (I'm not lying) he had rotated the food storage.
That's when I knew that this man would make a much better mother than I would. Which is intimidating, and threatening to someone like me. Someone who wants to be doing something because I'm good at it.
So going back to work is terrifying for me. What if Josh is better at being a mom than I am? What if my kids don't miss me? What if he rotates the food storage and scrubs the bathrooms and never gets behind on laundry? OK the truth is none of those would be bad things...just threatening to me.
Well during the last month my boys have been in love with each other. Tommy has started asking Dad for things even when I'm around and Josh has learned how to spend a whole day playing.
But last Friday when I walked through the door from work, Josh was flustered. The boys were both standing at his feet crying and trying to crawl up to his shoulders. He was standing in front of the open fridge and as I walked through the door he sighed "What am I supposed to FEED these people?"
It only took one word from me and everybody jumped into action ending the evening on a high. But for just one teeny tiny moment they were all lost without me.
And the self-righteous prideful part of me loved it. But only because it was just one moment. The kind I know (from experience) always passes.