Friday, September 17, 2010

I wear headphones to the grocery store

Because of Crazy Eyes.

Josh and I went shopping together a few weeks ago and Crazy Eyes wouldn't leave us alone.

He put his fingers (with dirty nails) on my baby's legs. He removed his coke-bottle glasses to get a better look at the "two teeth!" on bottom. He bent down to pull up his sock (too much space between the bottom of his denim shorts and the top of his socks I suppose) and he said "boo" on his way back up. Tommy cried. Because sometimes peek-a-boo is scary.

Of course we crossed paths over and over through this trip because always happens to me. Maybe I do the store backwards and that's why I cross paths with the same person every time I go to the store? Which way do you go? Is it just me? Each time he'd stop and tell us a story about "back when mine were still young". His 8 and 10 year old kids were with him and I'm still not entirely sure which one was the girl and which was the boy.

As he sucked his spit through his teeth from the corner of his mouth he told us about the time that "this little genius" pointing to the older of the two kids "taught the runt how to spread jelly on the floor". We laughed at the right times and smiled our friendliest smiles. Then told him we hoped he had a nice day and tried to get on our way.

But that was just the beginning. At the next crossing he also had to tell us about how when there are two of them they use each other to crawl up higher than they otherwise could. The next it was about how he is currently in school and how rough it is for him not to see his kids that often. He seemed determined to let us know that our lives are easy and that it wouldn't stay that way. We are in for it.

Message received Crazy Eyes. Now just pick up the chicken and move on.

Crazy Eyes is the reason for my new "always take iPod grocery shopping" policy.

2 days ago I was at Costco shopping with my headphones in so people would leave me alone, which worked like a charm. We had exactly zero encounters with ultra-friendly people and made our way to the checkout line. I'm sounding a bit anti-social and mean....I'm not always anti-social and mean. But sometimes I'm grocery shopping because my life is such a mess that I can't figure out how to do anything else. Plus, I don't like strangers. 

When it was my turn at the checkout line, Douglas mouthed "hello" at me while he scanned my card.  I couldn't figure out if he couldn't talk, or was just quiet and I missed the part of talking that made sound. I replied with my own vocal "hi". Douglas then turned to the boxer-upper guy and proceeded to carry on a conversation (he COULD talk!) about how it's illegal to wear earphones while you're driving. I thought it was odd that I didn't even get a "how are you this afternoon?" out of him but I was certainly not heartbroken.

That's when I realized I had left my headphones in and although I wasn't listening to anything, he thought I was. At least there was a reason he didn't talk to me.

So, Dear Douglas, you have no creepy eyes, you don't wear sock and velcro sandals, your fingernails appeared to be squeaky clean, and I seriously doubt you are a spit-sucker. I would have had no problem chatting with you while you checked me out - not like that..... I'm sorry for my rude behavior. I'll make a concerted effort to remove the headphones when appropriate, and I promise not to break the law about headphones while driving anymore. So.... "fine thanks, how are you?"

2 comments:

  1. I just looked at my hands, and my finger nails are all broken and dirty from packing - yucky! I promise to not play peek-a-boo and scare Thomas at Church tomorrow in my condition, hehe =)

    ReplyDelete

Share |