Little John is at an age when everything is new and exciting and fun. (And occasionally frustrating.) He loves playing with things, he giggles and he thinks his brother is the coolest thing since sliced bread. Except he doesn't like bread - so...cooler even than that. 

He has recently become a mama's boy. He weeps when I leave him to go to work and he whines when I put him down to make dinner. He wants to be involved in everything and he is into everything. 

He seems to be a bit braver than his brother, already climbing to the top of the stepladder and wondering why it doesn't go higher. He giggles when he jumps and loves to swing more than anything. He's a little bit fearless. 

And every now and then I get this glimpse of him as a tiny human being instead of a baby. 

Like when we go to the river to throw rocks. He needs somebody to hold his hand (remember?...fearless.) but he is otherwise just like a real live person.

The other day we went out to lunch at a new place just after haircuts, and with the fancy faux hawk and the eating of the chips and salsa, I just couldn't get past his personhood.

And don't even get my started on the park. 

John is so happy most of the time it's hard not to love him. Not that I've tried. 

Because that would be useless.

Date A Week = Failure

On April 11th I looked at my google calendar (which is the home of my goals - and my life) for the first time that month.

To say the month got away would be an enormously embarrassing understatement.

BUT I once I looked at it, gasped in horror and confessed to Josh I did make a much more conscious effort.

We didn't even get out to do our official Date of the Month date, but we did spend much more time together. We watched a lot of Pscyh, we played games after the kids were in bed, and we folded laundry together instead of separately.

So while we really didn't "go on dates" much this month, we certainly spent more time together than we would have otherwise (at least between the 11th and the 30th).

I'm still calling it a failure - maybe I can try again next year. Because this was one of the goals I was most excited about. Wouldda been fun.

growing up

Something has been happening for the last few weeks. My babies have been growing at an alarming rate.

Last Sunday we became one step closer to Tommy sleeping under the bench in Sacrament meeting.

Don't get me wrong, he doesn't believe in sleeping during church, he believes in snacks and coloring and reading The Friend. But he got all kinds of big when he came home with a reminder note that he'd be saying the opening prayer in primary.

We practiced the day before in the primary room while we were cleaning the church. We talked about where he'd be sitting and stood up at the pulpit and he. was. stoked. 

That morning while we walked to church we talked and talked about it and he couldn't wait. He even showed me how he'd be so reverent before we went inside.

And when the big day came Tommy did great. He folded his arms when he sat in the chair at the front, and though I'm fairly certain I'm the only person who knows what he said (because he was so quiet) it was one of the great joys of my life to help him do something so scary and seeing him be so brave.

In other news we had a friend over for almost 3 whole minutes and during that time Maxwell taught Tommy how to climb a tree. (Awesome! Our backyard is now 10 times cooler than it was.) 

He's just so big! And he's not even the one who changes every dang day. 

Sometimes I just can't believe how lucky I am to have such incredible boys to call my own.

Qualified

On Josh's first day as a nurse one of the existing nurses got squeemish about doing a shot and asked Josh if he could do it. He stepped right up to the plate and with all the confidence in the world stabbed some patient with a needle full of something.

He told me how weird it was to think that he was qualified to go around giving people advice and stabbing people with needles.

I readily agreed. Because I'm not quite sure when this

turned to this

But there I was showing him a suspicious rash last night and he immediately said "shingles. that looks exactly like shingles." And what do you know, he was dead on.

And just like that I was converted - who knows, I might even let him stab me with a needle sometime....

Radio

I could never claim to be a news junkie. I'm interested, but only if it's convenient for me.

But then this week happened.

Suddenly I became aware of just how disconnected we currently are. No tv and exactly one radio in (the basement of) this house which never gets used. Typically it doesn't matter, because...duh. The internet.

But this week I was glued to it. I streamed on my phone and plugged it into the speaker in the kitchen and listened. Intently.

Combine my addiction to the radio this week with the reading of Grandpa Godfrey's history and it's like I was transported back to 1910. Did they have radios in 1910? Josh laughed at me when I shushed him and allowed conversation only during commercial breaks. I stood in front of the radio with my mouth wide open (not unlike a codfish) as I listened in horror. Every step of the way.

And when there was nothing new to report I read. Outhouses and farm chores. Wringer washing machines, and education in one room school houses. 7 year old grandpa driving cattle "across town".

In stark contrast I also read facebook and checked instagram. Which I love. And all the technology just seemed so....unnatural. For the first time in my life.

Which is yet another sign that I am old.

What A Blessing

It's my birthday on Friday. Josh started asking me what I'd like for my birthday last Friday.

I thought about it for 2 days, on Sunday I made my official request.

I want ease.

I told Josh I wanted no hard conversations, no worries about anything intense, no major life decisions, no finances, and as little responsibility as possible.

So he spent Saturday making sure all bills were paid and the schedule for this week was worked out for my Easy Week. He planned a birthday date and gave me permission (maybe not verbal...but I'm taking it) to take the easy road all week long.

Mac 'n cheese for dinner. Jammies 'till noon. Toothpaste smears on the mirror because I let the kids stand on the counter while we brush. No paying bills or checking the bank account. No waking up early to do things I hate. No going out of my way to be responsible when less-responsible will cut it.

But here's the thing about being a grownup. Despite our best efforts, I still did laundry and dishes all morning. I made and cleaned up dinner (simple - but I still made it). I lectured the boys about flushing qtips down the toilet and unrolling the toilet paper clear from the bathroom to the kitchen. I broke up fights and kissed skinned knees. I wiped crusty cereal off the floor and black beans from behind John's ear. I changed diapers and emptied the tiny potty. I adjusted the thermostat and locked the doors at night. I get dressed and go to work and (ideally) use my brain.

I'm still a grownup. And every day of my life - even the easy ones require more effort than I ever could have dreamed possible.

If my daddy were listening to me say this he'd listen carefully and thoughtfully to my rant, and when I was done he'd add "what a blessing."

And he'd be right.

Because he always is.

Fast 4 times = Success

This turned out to be my favorite goal so far this year. I fasted every Sunday and had some really good experiences. But the best part is that it reminded me that I can (and should) fast.

It made my Sunday mornings go smoother. It made me feel differently about the things I was fasting about. It made me more receptive to answers to my prayers and it made me....a better version of me.

None of those things lasted clear until the next Sunday - but having one good day a week is still improvement. So I'll take it as a valuable lesson learned and be significantly more faithful about my fasting habits from here on out.

Life

5 Easters ago my heart ached to care for something living.

So we bought a plant.

5 years later I often feel like I have more life in my house than I can care for.

Who would have thought my life could be so different in just 5 years?

There's just so. much. life. in this place. I couldn't possibly love it more.

And that plant? It's been with us for 5 years now.